that's it!!! i'm leaving all of you and i'm going to georgia and i may or may not ever come back!

okay, i'll be back may 1st. but i won't like it!

okay, maybe i'll like it. but i'll never tell!

wait, i just did. man, i got nothing. if you're headin' to savannah for crazy fun shenanigans this weekend then safe travels and i'll see you there!

cheers!

while working on the black dots store, there was lots of time where i was just waiting for images to upload. so i thought i'd start on jenn's new cupcake, since the last one was... um... maybe stuck down someone's pants a whole bunch of times.

i could wash it, but knowing that i was giving one of my best buddies a crotchcake just seemed wrong. as i began the new cupcake, i decided to figure out what i'd done with the one i made for myself that turned out bigger than the other two i did previously. i figured adding an extra ring of stitches to the base should probably do it.

and apparently that's not what i did last time, because compare the monster cupcake to the tiny itty bitty crotchcake from before. it's huge.

on tap today is a little trip to walmart to get stuff for the savannah trip, and then i'm hopefully finishing the unicorn series! rock! seriously, it trips me out that in two days i'll be back in georgia, hangin' with some of my favorite people from college! pow!!!

i changed the gallery a little bit cuz i decided i didn't like the image changing when you roll over the thumbnails. isn't that exciting! if you're so inclined, i'd love it if you went and clicked through some stuff and see if it works...

also, mark since you're seeing the same gibberish problem i was seeing at work on the macs with the copyright sign and i know you have nothing better to do, could you go check it out again? i think i fixed it. thanks yo!

i just want you all to know that as a girl with one eye, i only use and endorse products that support the partially-blind, like swiss dairy brand milk.

i only drink swiss dairy brand milk because they went so far as to have their logo be an oldtimey milkman with one eye. how he lost the eye is uncertain, but word around the campfire is he was pointing a milkbottle at himself when opening it and the old timey cap popped off into his oldtimey face!

also, i got to work this morning and there was a picture of uncooked bacon left on my desk with a "hi steph!" and nothing else written on it. i don't know who left it there, but it's apparent that i've just gotten the kiss of death from the breakfast meat mafia and will soon be sleeping with the fishies in my new chorizo shoes.

and i just remembered there was more i wanted to say so how about i just add it to the post it was originally supposed to be on? josh went to costco recently and procured a five hundred gallon tub of peppercinis, you know, those awesome hot peppers that come with your papa john's pizza, and last night before sleeping was to be had we stood in the kitchen laughing our asses off and eating hot pepper after hot pepper. and then we invented the cookicini, which involves placing a peppercini on a tollhouse chocochip cookie and eating it all together. except for the hot pepper juice that shot into my eyes as i bit down, it was strangely delicious. we're getting ready to open a cookicini store, so patent pending patent pending patent pending.

i may be fired already for giving away the secret recipe.

it's been one of those mornings where you're up, you're on time and all that, but you just feel really foggy, like you maybe should be back home sleeping even though you got plenty of sleep last night after working on crocheting a gigantic cupcake that will fight mike tyson in vegas next week...

mark, as the reigning king of the macintosh system, i have a couple of questions for you. i post them here so everyone can learn with me:

on my links page everything has no underlines on my pc at home, which is just how i want it to look. because when i grow up i really, really, really wanna bust a tunic and be like jenn. so why do some of my links have underlines when i look at that page on my mac at work?

also, i think i just figured out my problems with the copyright symbol so i'm holding off on that question until i know for sure i don't know what i'm doing.

so by this weekend i should be able to put the unicorn series in the paintings section.

last night i finished one that required me to paint an ear of corn... i began to realize just how obsessed i've become with finding one of the messed up wisconsin quarters that have the extra leaf on em this morning. out of curiosity i went to the internet and found a pic of the quarter. the leaf on the left side, the one you have to check to see if extra leaf is below it... my corn looks exactly like it on the left side. later today i will illustrate this entry with proof of how much this search has consumed me.

did i already write about the dream i had where i found one? i can't remember. help me out here people i'm too lazy to do my own research!

dehdohdee2: dude i am SO retarded.

ixnaypunk13: yeah you are
ixnaypunk13: haha

dehdohdee2: this morning when i went to work i left my lights on
dehdohdee2: so they were on all day long
dehdohdee2: from 7ish until almost 4
dehdohdee2: and when i got out to my car it was dead
dehdohdee2: so this guy luis tried to help me jump start it but it wouldn't take the charge
dehdohdee2: and then i called triple a so they could tow me to pep boys to get a new battery

ixnaypunk13: that sux

dehdohdee2: but then josh is all have triple a try jumping it before they tow you
dehdohdee2: so they did, and it worked cuz they have a car charger attached to their trucks or something like that
dehdohdee2: so tomorrow night i get to buy a new car battery

on top of this travesty, i may have gotten to the bottom of the broken windshield wipers... when triple a guy was under the hood taking back his jumper cables, he found out that my wiper fluid resevoir, that's been empty for at least a year and a half because it leaks and i left it for dead, it's come loose from whatever was holding it to that side of the car and it was just kind of flopping around, mostly on a belt that moves very fast when the engine is running. this severed some wires. probably meaning no more wipers for steph. i'm takin' it to o'connells this weekend, so hopefully it won't be too terribly spendy to fix, cuz i hear rain's back in the forecast soon.

i think i will write a novel detailing all of the things i've done to my car in our five year and three month history together. it'll be called "chuckles and steph, the unauthorized biography", except it'll be totally authorized, especially the part where i put on a garden gnome hat and throw a copper pot at my car in a fit of rage. oh martha stewart, you are a comedy goldmine.

is there any way to find out what adam west was doing yesterday around 5:15pm pacific time? i swear i saw him at lax, standing on the curb outside terminal 5, hailing one of those vans that takes you to your parking lot.

it really, really, really looked like him.

i totally forgot to tell you guys about my favorite thing about harold and kumar!

it's such a tiny little thing but it totally left me laughing my ass off. towards the beginning of the movie, when you're being introduced to all the characters and the fact that harold gets walked all over all the time, he's coming home from work and finds a parking spot right in front of his apartment building. as he pulls forward to begin parallel parking, the EXTREME!!! gang of guys pulls into the spot and starts heckling the shit out of him.

and one of them yells "BETTER LUCK TOMORROW!"

better luck tomorrow is an awesome (and pretty dark) indie movie that the guy who played harold was in. you should go rent it if you've never seen it before, lots of it's filmed at cypress high school. and it's totally low budget - when the kids in the movie are walkin around in their "school colors" and they mention their school mascot is the wildcat, it's funny because in the background you see cypress high, which is supposedly their school but it's all painted blue and orange and says "go centurions" all over it.

i wanna know who had the sense of humor to throw that reference in there, cuz it's like the EXTREME!! gang is making fun of harold for another movie he was in, even though it wasn't harold that was in that movie, it was the dude who played harold. written into the script or adlibbed is what i wanna know.

i'm possibly thinking way too much about this one tiny joke. i'm working, i swear.

have you met my sister danielle? she's a senior at cypress, and pens a lovely blog of her own.

danielle's in a band, the black dots. and the black dots kick all kinds of ass and inspire me to come up with fun band logos. which i helped them put on all kinds of cafepress stuff this weekend.

so please, visit the black dots store, and if you're so inclined buy a hat or a clock or a journal. the journals are my favorite.

this concludes the infomercial portion of our show! after the terrifying movie experience friday night i spent my weekend doing bright happy things like getting my hairs cut and buying a bathing suit, and finding out that i need to take my car in again. replaced the fuse this morning and it blew out immediately - the guy at pep boys said that possibly the wiring's going bad, or maybe the windshield wiper motor blew out. hope for that. cuz wiring sounds expensive. and now's the time on sprockets when we dance!

and josh and i will have the rockingest sidewalk arts square ever, make no mistake! your cafeteria ladies shrine can bring it on!!!

i liek puffy hair a'la molly ringwald's in 18 candles. i'm just sayin.

did i mention i'm getting drunk?

klserhoishre

i'm getting druk.

okay.

do not.

i repeat.

do not.

go see amityville horror.

for the love of god.

the only way to feel better afterwards is to stay at your sister's house overnight and get drunk. take it from me, i'm doing that right nwo.

good god, junior senior's playing the oc fair this summer!!!

oh and the b-52's will be there, too.

i just peed my pants in excitement.

last night, while i was working on the gallery (did i mention i've been working like a maniac on this website? insane.), i came across a bunch of jpegs of art i'd done during free time at bgosh that i'd completely forgotten about. like this little gem, that looks like a censored dirty word but is really a heart in html.

i miss working with jenn, i really do.

note to self: fix the following:

-css for the links page
-add brian s to links page
-fix artTitle text shift on all gallery pages
-take off w and h values on first image in illustrations
-optimize life drawing samples way more
-stretch artTitle layer so chief oshkosh title is on one line

mark, are you seeing the weird white screen anywhere in the gallery?

okay kiddies, i've been spending the morning having extensive online conversations with mark on how to make my gallery page work. and there's a little test one up now if you click on "points of interest" that you have to check out soon, because when i get back from breakin' for lunch those hilarious titles mark gave everything go bye-bye!

i just remembered something that i've been wanting to say ever since this new latest batch of "new" tv shows came out a couple of weeks ago.

i'm filled with white-hot rage every time i see a commercial for "grey's anatomy". i'm not ashamed to admit it. i haven't seen the show, i don't plan on seeing the show. in fact i'm boycotting the show. because it's been done before, people. you don't need grey's anatomy. you've got scrubs.

scrubs, which is consistently funny enough to hurt my stomach.

scrubs, which has more good characters and actors than any other show ever. except for maybe the oc. but come on - you can't pick a favorite, they're all awesome. with zach braff being a bit more awesome than everyone else. but come on. the entire show is amazing!

so i say people of earth!!! unite with me in saying grey's anatomy can suck it, we've got all the med school dramady we need on nbc!

yay painting! i worked on the unicorn series tonight, got three of the nine little guys almost done. i can't stop laughing at the candycorn. it's hands down my favorite one. because he's a piece of candy corn. with a unicorn horn. and he's trick or treating. also worked on tonight were the almighty applecorn and the majestic bearicorn.

man this totally sounds like some cheezyass lisa frank i heart unicorn project.

roboticorn 5000 will redeem the project, i promise. i can't wait to start him next.

i'm a little upset that i'm starting to get more and more suckered into the whole myspace phenomenon. i keep finding myself adding to my profile page and it's pissing me off but i have to keep going to the site because people i'm actually friends with are leaving me good jackass comments and crap on my page! what's a girl to do?

because you need another bit of proof as to what a dork steph is:


wedge013: I'm going to sleep too actually

dehdohdee2: loser!!!
dehdohdee2: bottoms up loser! (editor's note: mark is such a loser that i had to make sure he understood what a loser he was by calling him the same put-down twice. and that put-down is loser. because i'm oh-so-superior. rock on.)

wedge013: Don't forget, we're 7 hours ahead

dehdohdee2: i thought it was 15.4
dehdohdee2: but i'm dumb so there you go (editor's note: i was trying to make mark feel like less of a dullard. we all know i'm wickid smrt with skills to pay the bills. i'm talkin' about whoring, people. unless you're my parole officer, and then we're talking about macrame.)

wedge013: Well, we are on metric time
wedge013: So it isn't totally compatible
wedge013: Right now it is 9:76

dehdohdee2: what?
dehdohdee2: what the hell? (editor's note: i also would've accepted what the fuck or wtf, mate?)
dehdohdee2: metric time is for sissys!

wedge013: 9:76 metric

dehdohdee2: whatever@ (editor's note: adding extra punctuation marks sets you apart as someone with style. or someone who cant typpe wrthe& a damn*.)

wedge013: 100 days per year

dehdohdee2: wait are you being serious? (editor's note: this are you being serious was in reference to the idea of metric hours and minutes, not the hundred days a year. i'm not completely cracked. just mostly.)

wedge013: Steph you are priceless (editor's note: it's true. i totally am.)

dehdohdee2: i'm going to kill you (editor's note: this is also totally true. unless mark has turned up dead and i'm a suspect. in that case what you are reading currently is a piece of fan fiction that i wrote myself. why i would write fan fiction about me and mark is beyond me. some people need to get a life. people like you, who read crappy fan fiction about people no one cares about.)
dehdohdee2: or myself
dehdohdee2: for being so gullible it hurts to pee. (editor's note: call the doctor about that burning sensation already.)

wedge013: I love it when you all the sudden aren't sure about one of my zany ideas

this article leads me to believe i can't, in fact, offer up my nephew for sale...

so i guess i'm gonna have to retract the super-mega-ultra-neato-superchunky-now-with-real-butter-platinum membership level of sponsorship for the site that you can achieve with a three thousand dollar donation. or not - how about instead you get all previous premiums listed as well as a cabbage patch kid guarunteed to be from my childhood? it's totally proveable, i'm sure you could pull some ancient steph spit dna from there somewhere...

the spit was cuz i drooled on it as a kid, not cuz i tried to make out with it last week, i swear.

i think it is quite important to interrupt this blog to tell you that this channel is supported by subscribers like you, and you should support today's telethon!

with your $25 donation, you will receive a handmade crochet cupcake!

with your $50 donation you will receive the above and a fabulous tote bag with a 1 color hand-screened image on it. image to be decided! be the first and help decide the fate of the nation!

with your $100 donation, you will recieve the above and an autographed photo of yours truly shaking hands with big bird while a mermaid dances with willie nelson in the background. also seen in the photo is the infamous oshkosh pleasure cruise, and all of this is contained in a brandy snifter!

with your $500 donation, you will receive the above and a 3' x 3' handpainted image of your choosing. wanna see a sumo wrestler on a merrygoround horse? done! wanna see a marschino cherry making out with a wombat? done! wanna see a high heel embedded into the forehead of michael moore? man, don't we all?

with your $1000 donation you will receive the above and a vial of my own blood on a necklace so you can wear it and be the envy of all your friends!
(editor's note - 10:03am - okay. i can't give you my blood. gross. but how about one of those necklace vials with the bubbles inside? that's almost as good, right?)

with your $3000 donation you will receive the above and my nephew, packaged and sent in a discreet brown wrapper!

with your $5000 donation you will receive the above and i will hand deliver it to your house with some fabulous homemade tollhouse cookies. i will also hand feed you the cookies and maybe make out with you for a while.

this is a joke. sort of. would you give me 5000 bucks to make you cookies? man i hope so.

so... uh... on friday... i rented a movie.

and it was pretty sweet.

sweet enough to where i took it home with me and watched it again on saturday while i was painting.

but i could've sworn i heard chris meloni rode the cheetah, not harold and kumar... i had this image in my head of him being all majestic, riding this cheetah around or something.

hands down my favorite part of the movie was every scene with doogie howser md! i love that he played himself, and that he was a total jerk.

i've been babysitting the neice and nephew all weekend and i'm wiped the hell out and i feel gross and i can't wait to go home, cuz i really need a shower. weeeeeee-OOOOOOO!!!

bhahahahahhaahahahhahaahahhahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahhahahaha.....

okay you know what sucks?

every person pretending to be charles bronson on friendster hasn't logged in in over a year. i just want charles bronson added to my list of celebrity friends, is that so bad?

what's funny is when i emailed some kids a little while ago to tell them about this shirt i did, it was 2 dollars more.

so now i pass the savings on to you!

in other news, i'm very excited about this being friday. i possibly may walk to the long beach grand prix tomorrow to investigate. or i'll get off my ass and start adding art samples to this here website. then later i have a sleepover date with my neice and nephew, where we will hide and then find all their plastic eggs for the thirty-billionth time since easter!

and also, we just got an email that representatives from bally's (the gym) had a table set up in the cafeteria area if we would like to come sign up for a gym membership. i don't want a membership, i just wanna go over there and harass them for thier old cher commercials where she tells everyone to get tough, and then richard simmons comes out and says "HEY EVERYBODY! DROP YOUR PANTS AND ROCK TO THE OLDIES!"

so here's what we were working on earlier this week... i'd encourage all of you to write to your cardinal and ask him to vote for josh for the new pope, regardless of the fact that he's not a cardinal and not even catholic. the fact that he's willing to convert for the job should be indication enough of his dedication to the job...

i take it back.

if god had a flavor, it'd be leandra's mom's chocolate cake.

this is the best day ever.

to steal a phrase from my sister... if god were a flavor, he'd be a glazed krispy kreme donut with chocolate on it.

and if that wasn't blasphemous enough, who wants to see josh's "vote me for new pope" campaign photo?

I MAKE
MIXED
TAPES
AND I'M
GAY!
--------
PENIS

funny was when josh wrote that on my arm last night while we were on the computer.

funnier was when i forgot to wash it completely off before i went to work.

you know what my pet peeve of the day is? pay it freakin' forward.

i never ever heard this phrase before the movie came out. i never even heard it used that often around the time that the movie was in theaters. also, i never saw the movie; i really didn't care to know what the title meant and i'm not a fan of kids who can see dead people.

but lately it seems i can never escape this phrase. may i present exhibit a, which sparked rage and hatred in me instantly this morning.

what ever happened to the phrase "be excellent to each other"? can't we go back to that? please? it sounds so much less pretentious.

and if you can't stop saying it then don't be surprised if i pay my fist forward into your face!

there's a funny thing about parties that my sister and i throw... we call it the lehman curse. cuz no matter how good our party idea is, no matter how much we tell people about the party, no matter how excited everyone is beforehand, it never fails that we'll prepare for a big group of kids that promised to go and maybe a fourth of them will actually show.

which is unfortunate because those people that don't go miss out on a really, really good time. people are still talking about our come-as-your-favorite-gubernatorial-candidate party it was so good. and that was like a year and a half ago.

but no! i digress! this party! we had so much freaking fun!

angela turned out to be lia-and-mercy-mark-and-brian internet friend cool, and not jamie internet friend bad, which is always awesome, you know? cuz she could've easily shown up at my house in a corduroy blazer and yelling THE QUEEN WOULD NOT APPROVE!!! before throwing up on my floor...

and all the crazy shenanigans that went on, i gotta say hands down my favorite has to be when we called information all seriouslike, gave them long beach california when they asked for city and state, and when they said "what listing?" i said "uh, i'm looking for ghostbusters. do you have a listing for ghostbusters?"

and there was a pause on her end and then some chuckling, possibly because i was clearly drunk. then she told me there was a listing for ghostbuster disposal in los angeles and i asked politely if i could please be connected. (now, see, when i'm writing this i sound like a very demure classy lady who happens to have had a couple of drinks... i think a more accurate telling of this story would probably involve lots more yelling and laughing and OH CRAP GIVE ME THEIR NUMBER!!! YOU HAVE TO CONNECT ME WITH THEM!!!)

it was a bit anticlimatic when we were connected... we had a plan to leave a message for doctor venkman, but they didn't have an answering machine. lame.

but man what a good party.

there comes a time in every young woman's life when she must accept that she may not be the best driver on the planet.

that time usually comes as her car scrapes its way down the side of another person's automobile.

this morning i had my first tiny fender bender (that i was the cause of). very tiny. minor scrapes and a broken tail light for them, a little chunk of tail light embedded in the front bumper for me. no one was hurt, which is awesome, but i'm not really looking forward to seeing how much my insurance is gonna go up.

on the upside, it's almost time to party down with party clowns and that kicks ass!

oh i give up.

i'm abandoning hope of finding someplace to throw that php code, and am goin' back to blogger comments. blogger comments won over haloscan for just a couple of reasons...

1) no ads.

2) mark tells me that with haloscan, you lose your comments that are 40 days old unless you get the pay version.

3) i kinda like the little pictures...

i apologize for the slowness of the commentbox popping up... as soon as i find somewhere that supports php we'll revisit this whole thing. but in the meantime, comment away!!

angela gets fifty points for her lightning-quick "duh it's family guy" response!
(4/2/2005 note from the steph lehman online corporate office: i had originally said jenn got the fifty points, but i must retract that because angela blogged her answer when she wasn't able to comment it and the time stamp was quite a bit before i posted the winner. apologies all around, this will never happen again. also, stay tuned to this station for a running score, which will be in effect soon!)

also, it seems the new comments don't work because the webspace i've got em saved to doesn't support php. also, the server this site is on doesn't support php. so if you know somewhere i can go to get a little php action please please please email me. otherwise it's back to slow blogger comments or ads on haloscan comments. i haven't decided which is the lesser of those evils yet.

there's so many options for what to do tonight: go see the aquabats at the vault or go see sin city? decisions, decisions.

okay so some things look better on the site this morning, and somethings look much worse.

cheers to the updated links page, and the now unshifting background image on the blog. the shop background was also updated, and the art show info for the coffee thing's up on the homepage.

jeers to the comments on my blog - they're messy but they're on their way. i will clean them up this weekend, i swear.

in the meantime i think you can post there but it just looks way gross. but it loads way faster than blogger's comments. you take the good you take the bad you take em all and there you have my opening statement.

fifty points to the first person who recognizes that line.