i think it is quite important to interrupt this blog to tell you that this channel is supported by subscribers like you, and you should support today's telethon!

with your $25 donation, you will receive a handmade crochet cupcake!

with your $50 donation you will receive the above and a fabulous tote bag with a 1 color hand-screened image on it. image to be decided! be the first and help decide the fate of the nation!

with your $100 donation, you will recieve the above and an autographed photo of yours truly shaking hands with big bird while a mermaid dances with willie nelson in the background. also seen in the photo is the infamous oshkosh pleasure cruise, and all of this is contained in a brandy snifter!

with your $500 donation, you will receive the above and a 3' x 3' handpainted image of your choosing. wanna see a sumo wrestler on a merrygoround horse? done! wanna see a marschino cherry making out with a wombat? done! wanna see a high heel embedded into the forehead of michael moore? man, don't we all?

with your $1000 donation you will receive the above and a vial of my own blood on a necklace so you can wear it and be the envy of all your friends!
(editor's note - 10:03am - okay. i can't give you my blood. gross. but how about one of those necklace vials with the bubbles inside? that's almost as good, right?)

with your $3000 donation you will receive the above and my nephew, packaged and sent in a discreet brown wrapper!

with your $5000 donation you will receive the above and i will hand deliver it to your house with some fabulous homemade tollhouse cookies. i will also hand feed you the cookies and maybe make out with you for a while.

this is a joke. sort of. would you give me 5000 bucks to make you cookies? man i hope so.