how's this for inconvenient? i parked under a tree last night and a gazillion birds took a dump on my windshield.
why yes i did get a car wash this weekend, thanks for asking!
but it's funny, because there's so much poo on my windshield from this one night, that it obstructs my vision when i'm driving. now, normally not being able to see when you drive is no laughing matter. and so i thought to myself "steph, safety first, you must stop at the gas station before getting on the freeway and clean that crap off."
but the gas station didn't have any wiper fluid in any of their wiper fluid holder things, you know, the buckets with the squeegees? yeah. they were all empty. and i was running late. so i'm still driving around with this ton of poop on my car. it's gross and hilarious at the same time.
my car is the poopmobile.
completely unrelated, but 25 points to you for saying what you did with your summer vacation so far, 50 extra if you cured a disease or won a nobel prize or both... extra points will be awarded for creativity too, i think.
posted by Steph Calvert @ 7:48 AM
22 Comments:
"my sumemr vacation" by jennifer norwood
what i did on my summer vacation was go to camp. we did lots of lake stuff and arts and crafts. then we had to save the earth. we spent many late night in the lab curing cancer and the ever elusive hiv stuff. it was GREAT! we dabbled a bit in the SARS too if you like that sort of thing. then at the end of camp when they have the awards ceremony... the president of america, and the president of nestle came and presented us with a NOBEL PRIZE!!!! and a year supply of CHOCOLATE! i don't know which is better, but it sure was a fun time.
jenn, for you get 50 points for every disease you worked to cure - that's 150 points, double it for saving the earth, and consequently, yours ever so truly and you got 300. 25 for actually posting about your vacation, that's 325, 50 more for getting the nobel peace prize and you're at 375, 365 points for every day of free chocolate and that's.... uh...
hold on lemme get my calculator... 740 points! holy crap can i give you that many? i'm going to our judges...
they say i'm in charge and i get to do whatever the hell i want so i give you 50 more points for originality and demand some chocolate from your stash in exchange for a multitude of points!
now danielle... let's see. you get the standard 25 for posting, and you didn't cure a disease but you did, invent your own which is 200 points for all the work that went into it. and for posting the antidote, you get another 100. for being too poor to afford the a in applesauce you get 50 points bringing you to 375, and then you get another 200 for calling the ween a pants rocket. and another 100 for saying backstreet boys suck it. 675 to you!
I sang Welcome to the Jungle at karaoke saturday night.
"A Summer Limerick" by Angela Daniels
My summer has been really lame,
Just working and more of the same.
But soon I'll be rich and famous,
Find a cheetah named Amos,
and ride him once he is tame.
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steph, you get 25 for posting about karaoke and another 100 for song choice!
angela, you get 25 for posting, 50 points for each line of your limerick, and another 200 for creativity, which i believe means you get 475!
Ok, So here's my summer vacation.
I was chilling with these bitches at this little dive in the middle of nowhere Calcuta. This old bitch walks up and starts grindin' on my shit, and Im like, Damn bitch shake what the good lord gave you...I was like, whats yo name ho,, and she likes all, My name is Mutha Theresa and shit, by all the boys just call me Mommy...and Im like, alright, I can dig it... So shes like, you got any good shit, cause I got mad case of the catarachs,, And im like sure baby.. So we was smoking weed for 2 days,, fo sho.. and that was some Calcuta shit.... DAmn! So Shes all like, Im all inline to be a saint, so we gotta save the world and shit.. I was all like, I forgot my wonder twins (patent pending) ring at home baby,, Im just here for the bitches and hoes.. Shes all like what if I let you hold my nobel prizes and maybe give you a piece,, and im like alright, ill help but dont be calling in that Captain Planet hose hound. So like for a week we're all feeding the poor and shit, Sharing my Chimichungas and Macnuggets...But then I started feeling the fire of a thousand suns coming from my Beat Partner (thats cop talk for ween). The medicin man was all like, shit man, you got a mad case of the Clap,, You been screwing around with Mommy T... Man you know shes like the village bicycle,, everyone takes her into their rooms and puts in her pooper... To be continued>>>>
i should give you negative one billion points for that but i can't stop laughing so i'll give you a positive 700 for the whole shebang!
So, Im in Calcutta right, they dont have any penicillan up in this piece.. So I do the next best thing,, I drink a whole gallon of Gasoline with the brilliant idea I am gonna lite my pee on fire to cure the Clap, you know, fight fire with fire... So three weeks later I wakes up the Emergency room of Long Beach Memorial Hospital to find that I was never in Calcutta, and Mother Theresa has been dead for a while,, plus she wasnt a slut.... Turns out, Steph had pushed me down the stairs while we were racing to car and I had been in a coma the entire time.
Well moral to the story,, Don't run downstairs,, don't do old bitches in calcutta, don't lite you pee on fire,, and most off all , DONT DATE ROBOTS!!!
My summer vacation, By Josh Calvert
GAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAoh my lord for that twist ending you absolutely must have another 700 points!!! that was amazing!
(note from the editor: josh doesn't realize it but i really do think about pushing him down the stairs every time we race to the car. i can't help it, i don't wanna be the gay one!)
next week Ill tell you all the story about my Spring Break
if you caught a case of the perlos, you've got some 'splainin to do!
My family, myself, wife Ellen, daughter Audrey and son Rusty, set out in high spirit to spend their vacation driving cross-country from Chicago to a glorious climax in Walley World on the West Coast. We were really excited. I planned the trip down to the minute using my state of the art home computer, but my son Rusty programmed Pac Man to eat our car on the monitor. Oh that boy! We bought a new car, a real beauty! Olive Green! We met up with our constantly-in-debt, simple-minded cousin Eddie. Had a "great picnic" and was hornswagled into taking cantankerous aunt Edna to Phoenix. Of course, the we continued receive one strike of bad luck after another, Aunt Edna dying, flying the car over the Grand Canyon and when we finally arrived at Walley World, we had to find out that the park is closed for maintenance. But I promised my beloved family the best vacation ever so I did what any father would do, Put a gun to the head of the security guard and forced him to ride all of the rides with us. It was the best time ever!!!!!
Oh wait, that was the National Lampoon's Vacation. Damn. Wait, hold on...
i was just about to take away 30 points for plagerism but then you fessed up about it so you can have 200 instead for being an upstanding citizen worthy of the nobel prize!
I smell bird poop.
Don't get me started about bird poop. Ellen made sandwiches for the trip....
FOR THE LAST TIME, YOUR WIFE'S NAME IS MEL!!!
Oh yes, you're right. I keep thinking my name is Clark Griswald.
I need help.
Disregaurd that last comment it was written by me, I didn't realize Mel was logged in.
so you're posing as mel who's posing as clark griswald... you're more creative (or troubled) than i previously thought.
Tweet-tweet!
DAYUM that car hood of yours loooks goooood.
Tweet-tweet!
I feel a dump coming on.....
twwwweeeeettttttuuunnnggggghhhhhhh
AHAAHHAHHHAHAHAH GROSS!
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