i just bought the best fabric ever for the underside of the comforter i'm makin. prepare to be amazed.

also, i'm procrastinating on typing a letter to my landlady explaining why i do not like having water running down my walls every time it rains so she can forward it to the property owners/slumlords and maybe get the shit fixed. say goodbye to the squishy wall!!!

and in other news, i have no idea what's going on tonight... michelle's going to bed early for that rose parade stuff cuz she has to be in pasedena and ready to go at 1am. josh and chris don't really like going out on new years because of all the drunkys, but nikki and i have possibly convinced them that it's a really good idea to go to the dear old fountain valley skating rink. it's pretty cool, you pay 20 bucks to get in and you can skate from 9pm until 7am tomorrow morning. and also, at midnight you get a hotdog and a coke. which works out grand since i'm on antibiotics and can't have the alkyhol.

yeah. went to the doctor this week. might have strep throat. beautiful. will find out on monday for sure. taking antibiotics in the meantime just in case. ooo, and some heavy decongestants, they gave me those, too. so mix those two with my daily vitamin and the anti-acne pill and i've been lookin like freakin valley of the dolls when i eat breakfast.

love that joker!

on a sadder note, i was all set to spend the new year with baby's daddy but it turns out he hates me, and he went and died. i hope he had the time of his life before he went, you know?

garrrrr. i actually wrote something, i swear. then blogger erased it, because blogger is a dirty whore.

happy new years!

watch the rose parade tomorrow, especially the opening ceremony. specifically watch for someone dressed up as doc from snow white and the seven dwarfs. that will be my sister michelle in her first nationally televised event.

mmmmmm cookies.

i've now eaten three cookies since sitting down to my computer a little while ago. let us pray that everyone's doin' well and that the train of junk food continues for the rest of this fine holiday.

spent yesterday morning/afternoon hangin out with josh's family, checkin out cool fun shops on second street in long beach and having insanely good burgers and beer for lunch... later on advanced token to the nearest railroad, but that was already purchased so i went to michelle's instead. made hailey and jacob have heart attacks that i brought them glow in the dark care bears. seriously, i thought they were going to blow up. it was awesome. those bears... they're pretty creepy when the lights are all out and they're just hanging out, staring at you and glowing all radioactively.

fell asleep about 10 minutes into watching mystic river with my bro and bro-in-law, woke up and the credits were rolling. decided that the mystic river must have a hotdog swimming around the bottom of it, waving it's arms around and saying "welcome to the mystic river". was told to shut up and stop being retarded. went back to sleep.

the whole point of me sleeping at michelle and joe's place was that their kids were superjazzed about santa. this is the first year they've really been into it,right? talking about it all the time and all that jazz. so this way, when they got up at 4am, i'd already be there and good to go.

but they kinda forgot about santa overnight, and they not only didn't get up at 4, but they slept in until 8am. it was heaven. except for sleeping on the couch. but man sleeping is awesome. and then madcap mayhem broke out again, cuz hailey got her my little pony celebration castle, and jacob got a huge playset for all his millions of spidermen with big feet action figures.

all around good times. wish i could've seen the sisters, wish i could just call up justin and see how he's doing, but not so much on either account... it's not always gonna be that way, so it's still all good.

and now on tap is a shower. then some cleanin' up around my place, then maybe some knitting, then when josh is out of work some foodage at his place courtesy of his mom, who makes martha stewart look like a skanky crackwhore that lives in a dumpster and eats trash pizza every day. seriously, she's just that good.

i normally wouldn't be caught dead cleaning on a holiday. but it'll keep my mind off of the waiting for napoleon dynamite. i figured out i'm gettin a copy of it today and i. can't. wait.

seriously. it's the best funniest movie in the world and you shouldn't rent it, because it'll just make you cry when you have to return it. buying this movie is a sound investment, lemme tell ya.

and merry xmas! i'm out!

merry xmas and crap to you all!

i'm about to eat the last piece of chocolate from my trader joe's advent calendar. wait for it, wait for it... and done. what will i do next month? all my chocolate is gone and i got real used to eating it with my breakfast...

they just showed a photomontage of good day l.a. moments from the last year. i hope every one of them dies in a treechipper accident next year.

no, i'm kidding.

kind of.

so anyhow, i'm trying to get off my ass, get in the shower and go run a couple of errands so i got not a lot to say this morning except howdy, blah ha ha, sploosh, and mukluk.

i hope y'all got yer xmas cards and if you didn't then number one i hate you or number two it got lost in the mail.

but really, how often does the post office screw up?

welcome to another edition of life mysteries solved!!!

mystery number 1 that has plagued our scientists for centuries is pink lemonade!!! what the hell makes it so different from regular lemonade? is it just food coloring? and if so, why not purple lemonade? or green? or babypoo brown?

the answer is cranberry juice, my friends. pink lemonade has cranberry juice in it. another mystery solved by my crack team of scientists!

and mystery B: b for bows, my friends. bows on cars, to be more specific. when you buy a new car, does the bow come with the car? and if not, where would you go to get such a bow? and is there some company that just makes giant bows for stuff, and that's all they do?

for the answer to this mystery, yours truly called jim faulk lexus of beverly hills. i posed my query to the girl who answered the phone, who agreed that it was a good question and connected me with the sales manager. apparently, depending on what kind of lexus you buy, the bow may or may not come with it. but they certainly have bows on hand for you to purchase for your car. and these bows come from a company he wouldn't name that has had a contract with them for the past 3 years. as far as cost goes, the dealership is charged between $300 and $350 for each bow.

for each bow.

many thanks to the cordial employees of jim faulk lexus of beverly hills for clearing this mystery up, by the way.

for more exciting info on giant bows, please visit your local library or these fine websites:

www.giantbows.com (i love that this website actually exists... jenn and i were joking around about it today.

www.balloonpantry.com

http://www.gppinc.com

www.kingsizebows.com (these might be your best bet, as the website says they're high tech!)

i was looking at the hancock fabrics website for the one closest to me, and when it pulled up the map i found out that near chino, there's a little town called sleepy hollow.

equally important to share with you is i was watching the news the other morning, and this reporter was reporting live from hermosa beach. he was talking about some freak storm blowing through that was making the waves like ten feet big, and how tons of surfers were comin' out because of it. then he proceeded to warn the tv audience that if they were going to come out and surf, they should make sure they are very experienced because the ripturd is especially strong in these conditions.

and then he got all flustered because he meant to say either riptide or current and both of em kind of mushed together. it was sweet.

if you haven't signed up to get emails from daily candy, you really should go to their site and sign up. they've got a plethora of cities you can get info on now, but so far i've liked the everywhere, nyc, la and kid varieties of newsletters. and i'm an ass about forwarding links from those emails to others saying oh damn check this stuff out it's oh so spendy but oh so cool at the same time!

of note, i'm currently lusting after sixty dollar aprons that they had featured recently...

you'd think i'd have more to talk about than a nifty website link, eh comrade? you'd be right.

tuesday night danielle and i went and checked out the vandals xmas formal show at the house of blues in hollywood. it was the coolest concert i've been to since junior senior back in the big wis...

i've heard a few vandals songs here and there over the years, but i've never seen em live. and i'd have to recommend them to all my friends, because where else but a punk rock show can you see a guy sing a heartfelt ballad about hanging himself from the xmas tree, then pretending to hang himself from one of those cheezy 6 foot tall inflatable trees you can get at rite-aid, then running around on the stage singing with this noose around his neck and the tree dragging behind, then the tree drifts out into the crowd where people start clawing at it like it's the last glow in the dark care bear to be found this xmas season, and the only way the singer can avoid actually hanging himself is to stage dive into the crowd, where security guards race to untangle him and pop the xmas tree?

aside from putting on a really sweet fun show, the vandals also do an awesome, awesome cover of queen's "don't stop me now". seriously. buy their cd just for that. it's beautiful.

it was so great to get to hang with danielle for a good big chunk o time.

she turns 18 this weekend and that blows my friggin' mind. she got accepted to cal state san bernadino yesterday and is holding out for cal state dominguez hills. it trips me out that it's time for her to talk college. and buttknee's not far behind.

insane.

in other news, i tried a new recipe for dinner tonight. you take a crappy microwave burrito, and since you don't have a microwave you throw it in the oven for the perscribed amount of time. then you fry it in the frying pan with some vegetable oil.

the jury's still out... it's kind of good but i think maybe i used too much oil.

very very soon i'm gonna start making my xmas tree. i can't wait. when i got to the art supply store i found out they didn't just carry the regular ol' brown butcher paper, but it also came in a darkish green color - bestill my beating heart, my tree only cost a couple of dollars and it's gonna be freakin' hott. pics to follow.

i swear, for real, not like all those times i said i'd take pictures and then i never got around to it. you will see pics of this tree or i'll eat a hat with french fried potatoes.

okay, i have just heard the worst idea for a reality show ever.

hands down.

you ready?

okay. so some adult who was adopted when they were young is put in a room of like 6 strangers, and all but one is lying about being the person's biological parent... the adopted adult has to figure out which one is the real biological parent.

the name of the show, and i swear i'm not making this up, will be "who's your daddy?"

only on fox, man, only on fox.

okay, i think that you should be able to impose a time limit on personal checks that you write. like if you paid your rent on the first, but now it's the twelfth and they still haven't taken the money out of your checking account... you should be able to keep it. i'm just sayin.

and after a fairly event-filled week, i finally got a full, completely restful night of sleep last night. ten hours is the most beautiful thing in the world when you're overtired.

i helped chaperone a band party on friday... i just left a big long post about it on my sis' blog and i don't feel like writing it all out again so if you're interested in the shenanigans you should go read hers.

i'm finally starting my xmas shopping today. what a gaywad.

p.s. i can't wait for someone to call my cellphone because i decided to get the theme from shaft as a ringtone and now that phone is the baddest mammajamma on the block!

to the ass driving the uhaul that hit me yesterday:

i hate you.

****************

to everyone else:

don't worry, even though he hit and ran my ass while we were driving on the freeway, when i pulled off the fwy to see how bad it was it turned out to be nothing more than a very, very minor scratch. this is the third time Chuckles has survived being hit with nothing more than ultraminor scrapes. let's hope he keeps up the trend.

that party on sunday... it was insane. dinner was really good, drinks were even better. they had this raffle thing much like the united way one bgosh did where you put all your tickets towards different prizes, right? and this one dispatch dude put all his tickets in the little kids disney princess bike, thinking it'd be a hoot if he won and he and josh rode said bike around the dance floor. unfortunately, he didn't win. but joshy did win a crapload of gift certificates to local restaurants, which i plan to steal from him when he's not looking.

there was a horrible comedian after dinner, and after he crapped his second bowling ball our entire table disappeared from the hyatt ballroom and magically reappeared at the hotel bar on the other end of the building... went back to the party a while later and, how you say, two sheets to the wind, found myself on the stage with another dispatcher, making a horrible attempt at "girls just wanna have fun"... thankfully the party had pretty much cleared out by the time the dj started the karaoke travesty. we encored later with "i will survive". apparently you couldn't make out much of what i was saying.

so yes. awesomely good party. and even better that i didn't have to cart my ass to work the next day. also in the news this week is i'm super behind on holiday shenanigans... i haven't really done much xmas shopping, i've got the fixings to make holiday postcards but just haven't taken the time to make them, and blah blah blah you know what i'm sayin? i'm a big slacker. this weekend's the weekend, dude. i'm gettin a big fat dent in this crap this weekend.

and i finally got a new phone. now when i'm on the phone with you and we get disconnected i can finally point and laugh because for once it is not my phone that sucks, so i'm gonna assume it's yours!

what else, what else... hmmm.... uh.... oh yeah - when i was in high school and i went to dances they were NEVER EVER as swanky looking as the crap that was on the oc tonight. i'm just sayin'. i want my money back.

when i stop and think about all the nights jenn and i spent on grouphug leaving complete bullshit confessions about addictions to tony danza and drano, i can't help but wonder if we made it into the new book.

i'm not one for making christmas lists, but if you love me you'll get me this.

ikea, oh ikea.

i went to ikea yesterday morning at 7am. they were having a deal where if you came dressed like a present, and you were one of the first 30 people in line, you'd get a free hundred dollar giftcard. 7am seems like a stupidly late time to show up to something like this, but i was going alone and didn't want to chance being murdered in the parking lot cuz i was there all alone at 2am...

which wouldn't have happened, because apparently people started camping out at 2pm the day before. and the first thirty were there by 9pm.

when i got there, i was like number 50 in line. and i figured, hey, you're here, stick around and see what happens. i caught little bits and pieces of conversation going on around me... hopeful people coming up with ways that they'd be given gift cards, too.

"i hear it's one per household. it should be one per household."

"psst... it's 18 and older, a bunch of people brought their kids so we've still got a chance"

"hey abc news is gonna come do a story here at the costa mesa ikea!"

"i heard people got here yesterday at two... the rules say the first 30 people who show up today so they should all be disqualified..."

and then all hell kinda broke loose because all the stories started piecing together... a few people in line had been on the phone with other ikeas. and all those other ikeas were following the one per household, 18 and over rule. but this ikea decided they wanted to follow exactly what was printed on the flier that went out, which failed to mention that small print. people were in an uproar, and that's why they called the newspeople.

admittedly, it sucks. cuz i spent quite a lot of time wrapping a ghetto present for myself in tinfoil and scrawling snowflakes all over it with a sharpie and then fashioning a box-hat out of odd pieces of illustration board and putting a crapload of ribbon on the whole shebang. but i'm not gonna cry for it, argentina, cuz there's always next year and sitting in my closet my ghetto present costume will get just that much more ghetto. and that leaves more time to prepare for camping like five days in advance.

the lame thing, too, that josh and i were talking about is the people who bring their kids to stuff like this. we're going through a cold snap, people. do you really think this hunnerd dollar giftcard is worth giving your 6 month old baby pneumonia from being outside in 40 degree weather all night? look at your baby! his nose is bright red! he's crying! he looks genuinely unhappy that he's freezing his ass off! take him home! or one of you sit in the car with him! come on!

so there's that. no free furniture for me.

but i finally was able to replace the crap phone. and now i'm trying to find a good ringtone for it, and apparently good ringtones went the way of the buffalo. the magic of the ghostbusters ring on my old phone was it was cheezy and cute midi sounding music. i hate that all the ringtones i've heard this morning are fullon songs. i don't wanna hear fullon songs. i wanna hear a damn phone ring that kinda sounds vaguely like a ray parker, jr. classic! blarrrrrgh!

i did find the meowmix jingle, though, that one was kinda funny. but everything else sucks! including me! bleeeeargh!

and i hereby decree pajama day. i'm not getting dressed until it's time to get ready to go party with cops the end!

this just in!

sunday i'm going to a holiday party with josh's work to get toasted all right and proper. so exciting!

wow, it's been a while. i hang my head in shame.

and i'm eating pancakes, possibly the tastiest and the ugliest pancakes ever made. i started throwin random stuff (ginger, nutmeg, sugar, cinnamon, lime juice) into the bisquick mix and it's pretty yum, you know what i'm sayin? try it out. i burned em just a tad. blargh.

a very belated happy thanksgiving to all and crizzap - before going to redlands last wednesday night i babysat z neice and z nephew, and a good time was had by all making apple and pumpkin pies! from scratch! meaning we scratched our butts and then made pies with whatever we found!

gross, man, gross.

redlands was fun and event-filled... josh's brother chris almost completely cut off the tip of his thumb with an axe (yeah, he's a cutter) and he had to go to the emergency room to get it sewn on... sorry doesn't put thumbs on hands, marge. he ended up just fine, with four stitches or something like that.

okay so i'm busy ranting and raving with jenn. buzz off, i'll write more later!