Holy crapulence, this rocks!

Congratulations to Aaron on his swanky new job! In which he’ll be doing sweetass 3d animation! You know, like the stuff he went to school for! Seriously, it’s awesome news, and he deserves it – his job search has been going on for well over a year now. His last day at the tv station’s on Friday, he moves from Bismarck to Minot this weekend, and starts the new gig Monday.

You should send him an online greeting card. There’s nothing like a random congrats from a stranger!

In other news, I’ll be the first to admit I’m an idiot with an overactive imagination. I got this email from Kat today:

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Dear Steph,

Ha-Ha! You honestly thought the Ring was scary? please. The first scene where the girls are in the house was KINDA scary, but after that, I was just like, "whoa, she is WAY to hot to be a mom. and what is with this soft core porn all over the place, with the two catholic schoolgirls and the hot mom prancing around in her underwear?" Whatever.

You're a wussy. I watched it alone.

Kat

**********************************

And the baby shower. Oh, the baby shower. It was a good time, and everything turned out really well (especially the cake, dammit!). The guest of honor had no idea what was going on and was still kind of confused by the time she got to the lunchroom. She seemed like she really appreciated it, and that’s the important thing.

But it was a little annoying how inconsiderate some people were about the whole thing. It fucking sucked that around 30 people said that yes, they would be there and then almost 20 actually came. And throughout the shower most people acted very put out by actually having to be there and play the cheezy “don’t say baby” game. No wait, they were just put out that they had to be there at all. And they talked to each other like preggy-chick wasn’t even there while she opened her gifts. And people (I swear this happened) started getting up and leaving without even saying goodbye to her. So by the time an hour or so had gone by, we had gone from 20ish people to 7. And the shindig wasn’t over, we hadn’t played any of the games that jen and I spent for-fuckin-ever setting up. So bossman threw us a bone and said hey, let's play these games real quick before we call it a night.

Some people suck ass about being cool when they’re playing games. They’re so fucking competitive, even when it’s something as ridiculous as fishing for babies.

So that’s my venting for the evening. I killed myself at the gym afterwards, and I’m not pissed anymore. We did something really cool for Lori - that’s the important thing; I’m trying not to tell myself the whole thing was a big fuckin’ waste of time because it was for her and she loved it. And also, jen and I made the coolest cake in the world, which wouldn’t have happened if the shower wasn’t thrown.

So there. I’m gonna go sit on my ass on the couch and watch the simpsons now.

Don’t forget to congratulate my friend!

I am soooo efficient. Since I got home I've done my dishes and finished making a pair of pants.

The latest winner in the "steph made something way too big or too small" sewing giveaway extravaganza is my sister Danielle.

Danielle, your word is qwijibo. You'll understand soon enough. Especially if you email me and ask about it, because there are probably two people in the world I can't keep a secret from, and you are one of them. And I'm not telling you who the other person is. (hint: it starts with an M and ends with a ichelle.)

Now it's time for M*A*S*H, which I love. And then sleep. Glorious, fantabulous (thanks to Donovan for that word, by the way) sleep.

How is it I've never gone to a real baby shower but tomorrow will have thrown two? Maybe I should ask the baby in the cake.

If he answers I will be very upset.

before you die, you see the ring.

and then you return the video to the store directly after watching it with jen because you know you will not be able to stand having it in your house for the full allotted week of rental time.

and then you never ever sleep again.

the end.

Who came up with the concept of sleeping in?

Seriously.

I hardly think our pilgrim forefathers (hahahah, not really, I'm mostly a big fat ball of European-type peoples, none of which were pilgrims, except for the left pinkie nail which is Native American) slept in the next day after a long hard night of driving the horse and buggy 200 miles to Ye Olde Goodwill Shoppe, then proceeding back to the home front where everyone would drink and cry along with John, Son of Denver songs. (okay, that was just me. I forgot "country road" was one of those songs that makes me all sad and weepy and it really took me and everyone else by surprise. whoops.)

So if it wasn't the Pilgrims who started this blessed tradition, who was it?

Because I'd like to find that person (or maybe it was a group effort?) and shake their hands and buy them lunch.

No fair emailing me, saying it was all your idea, in an effort to get me to take you out for free food.

p.s. - the phrase "blessed tradition" will forever bring up memories of the billboard in support of polygamy I saw just outside of Salt Lake City this summer. It said, and I quote,"Polygamy is a blessed tradition." So put that in your pipe and smoke it. Jen and I started talking about polygamy the other day, and how I'm going to practice it. But I'm going to make it completely impersonal and take away the guys names and give them a series of numbers and letters, so they truly feel like my property. A day in my home will sound something like this:

"Number 3582-A, I want to have kids. It's time to impregnate me. While we're doing that, Number 92371-Q, make me a sandwich."

"Yes, dear."

(while this is going on 62329-K is washing my car and 20374-Y is working to pay my bills.)

Sometimes I marvel at the tons of truly messed up things my brain is capable of coming up with.

note to self: it is time to go to bed when your eyes stop working.

why the hell am i still up?

*sigh.*

I sent an email to Kevin and Bean this morning to find out more about this supposed KROQ webcast thing, because as you know I was super-mondo-excited about it. (oh, you noticed the past tense already, did you?)

Got a reply from Bean just a little while ago. This was it:

**********************************

your sister is high. none of the cbs radio
stations are allowed to stream on-line....

bean

**********************************

I am doomed to live a crappy-radio-filled existence until I someday move back to So Cal. And that, my friends, sucks major ass.

There are a myriad of things to talk about this evening. Two important things come to mind:

1) I love, love, love, love the IHOP. And I don’t think I’ve been to one in well over a year. So yes, please; let’s IHOP.

2) Steph, about this shirt… I don’t know if I should be excited or nervous about seeing it. I don’t even remember if I was there for that part of the conversation. Maybe I was drunk. (Off of one beer? Hey, it’s happened in the past. I’m what you call an economical drunk.)

3) Do you like reading humorous things on the internet, then laughing maniacally while sipping cappacino and eating Milano sandwiches? YOU DO?!?! Then have I got a blog entry for you! Go! Read! Now! (I’m not just plugging her blog because she’s my sister. She really is fucking funny. And whoops, her archive thingie's not working - you're looking for the list of "things you may not have known about me" questions I answered a couple of days ago.)

4) IMPORTANT! Are you a Save Ferris fan? YOU ARE?!?! Shit, you better get your ass to the House of Blues tomorrow night to see their last show ever. Monique’s goin’ to do a solo thing, and everyone’s at the marryin’ and babymakin’ age so they’re just calling it quits. Fuckin’ quitters. I don’t know if they’re playing the L.A. or Anaheim HOB – I’m not the one in California, so go look it up your damn self.

5) I am so excited I could kill a bear with a fork over this… Danielle informs me that KROQ will finally be going online soon. I mean, they already have a website, but they’ll be going online as in webcast. Hoo-fuckin-ray for everything. There’s been a huge void in my life since giving up listening to the Kevin and Bean show on the longass commute. And the first person that gets ahold of their new stickers (with the new logo!) and sends me 5 wins a special prize.

That prize is I will not hunt you down and kill you. If I'm killin' bears with forks you don't know what else I'm capable of. Get me KROQ stickers. Now. The old one on my car's starting to look a little trashed.

6) I swear a fuckin’ lot. I should look into fuckin’ cuttin’ back on that shit, dammit.

7) Confidential to Danielle, regarding your inspiration: go read Jen’s blog. There’s a pic that was put there recently that will be of much interest to you.

So that’s all the funny for the night; I’m spent. I was on the phone for almost an hour and a half with various people at my mom’s house, and a large part of it was an exercise in futility.

“Babies having babies, on the next Geraldo.”

There’s nothing I can do but sit and hope the things we talked about sink in and hope for the best.

If you have no good reasons for doing something that might fuck up your life, then why the hell would you go and do it?


Oh yeah, one more funny:

8) My mom and her dumbass boyfriend broke up again. This is breakup #3 for them, and according to my mom it’s the last. Which is exactly what she said after the last 2 breakups. So we’ll see how long this sticks. I myself would like to think the breakup is a direct result of me calling the guy a fucker on the phone.

So that’s it, it’s way past my bedtime.

Night, suckas. In the words of Bill and Ted, "Be excellent to each other." Or die trying. Or just die.

Yes, that's it. Die, fuckers.

Goodnight.

I’m still exhausted all the time, and I don’t get it. Can't be mono, had that when I was 12. And I think Epstien Barr is related to mono somehow, and I don't have that, either. (or at least when I was tested for it a year and a half ago I didn't have it. maybe now I do, and I'm gonna die or something.) Is this sleepyness a side effect of actually going to gym? If so, I’m considering reinstating my slacker status, because I could stay out way later then. Maybe I’m just not used to being active or something.

Speaking of the Y, Jen and I are famous. Last week we each left a comment card in the suggestion box saying how fucking lame it was that the teachers played the exact same music every damn class, and how ‘bout switching it up a little? Except we worded it all nice and professional-like. And both our comment cards are up on the bulletin board now, with a shoot-down from the staff, saying they’d pass our comments on but each teacher makes their own mix cds and that’s time consuming and expensive. Which is bullshit. You could jump around like an ass doing aerobics to almost any kind of music, except perhaps Johnny Cash’s cover of “Hurt”. And burnin’ cds are so freaking cheap. So our answer is to start taking a different class. Cardio Kickboxing here we come. And if they play the same music we’ll just steal their cds while they’re not looking.

‘kay, my brain shut off for a sec. I’m back now. I’m jazzed about work tomorrow, cuz as much as I dig working with the bossman he is very much like working with a chihuahua. He wants everything done fast fast fast fast fast, even the stuff he knows is gonna take a while to execute. So I’ve still got tons to do tomorrow, but I can relax about it instead of being afraid that I’m not working fast and furious enough.

Hahahaha, cheers to me for finding a way to fit the phrase “fast and furious” in a sentence.

Speaking of knitted hats, I’ve started getting random emails lately from different people. Apparently some guy named Hal lost the address to my blog and wanted me to send him a link. (The only Hal I know was this punk guy I met at Oktoberfest a couple of years ago, and his email address and business cards had something to do with the Transformers… we talked a little, exchanged numbers, he kissed me… my mom thought it was hilarious because we were all (me, mom, and michelle) drunk and I had been doing funny drunk shit all night like stealing drinks, and michelle and I kept chucking paper coasters across the room.. Ah, memories. So anyways, it was some other Hal that emailed me. This is quite possibly the longest parenthetical statement IN THE WORLD. And yes, as always, the caps are to be said with much yelling. And I’ve seen that Simpsons episode and that’s not where this comes from. It comes from me being funny. Seriously. It’s funny. Just accept it. Or die. This concludes the parenthetical portion of our show.)

So there was that email, and then there was one I got this evening from a girl I went to college with. It was really out of the blue – we were never very close friends and she doesn’t know I moved away from california so obviously she doesn’t know about or read the blog. I think she checked out the alumni section of our college's website, and doesn’t realize that ever since I tried telling scad I was working as a stripper, they refuse to update my “Where Are They Now?” blurb because I apparently can’t be trusted.

It’s no matter that they wouldn’t publish the story about my exotic dancing career on the website; I worked the system and am having it printed as my current job in the soon to be available alumni directory. Take that, humorless bastards!

Before I go sleepy for the night, 2 things:

1) Woodchuck beer. Go drink it.
2) Singing a song while throwing “poo” into the lyrics instead of the real words is the most hilarious thing ever.
3) I never ever stop at 2 things when I write I’ve got 2 things to say.
4) Roller skating this weekend. You know you want to go with us. It’s okay, there’s no shame in it.

Night, suckas.

Oh yeah, just to make tonight's blog more of an emotional rollercoaster I got something funny - I've got video from me on stage at that improv show last summer somewhere in my falling apart desk. If you want to see it, email me and I'll dig it up and send it to ya. Later.

Plop.

Lemme just say that again.

Plop.

I should write tonight, but I haven't got much to say that can be written in media that is so easily accesible by the wrong people. I'm going to sleep soon, and I'm curious about what kind of fucked up stuff I'll dream about tonight. Things are just a little disjointed in my head. Been having way too many dreams about my family lately. I blame it on constant drama. That's not an exaggeration. It's constant, it's neverending, and it's pissing me off.

I am so lame and forgetful. Last year for my birthday I also got some foodage with my old roomie and went with some other peeps to an improv comedy show in Santa Monica (I think the group was called Addle-esence or something like that. If you're ever in the area go check 'em out). They made me get up on stage with them because it was my birthday and my friend knew someone's wife or something. It was really cool.

Oh I am such a sucker for these kinds of emails...

***********************************

Here are some things about me that you might not have known.

1. What time do you wake up in the morning?
6:30am. I write in the real journal for a half hour, watch some crappy Good Day Wisconsin, eat breakfast, take a shower, watch some more crappy Good Day Wisconsin (which, thankfully, is Jillian Barbary-free) and go to work at 8.

2. If you could have lunch with one famous person?
Alive - It'd be a tie between Dexter Holland, Noodles, and Seth Green
Dead (but somehow back) - Yeah, I gotta agree with Kaye and say Gene Kelly would be nice. And maybe Walt Disney. It'd be interesting to find out his reaction to all the sequels he never wanted to make that got made.

3. Gold or Silver? Silver all the way. I am in no way shape or form a gold type o' girl.

4. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Old School. You go watch now.

5. Favorite TV shows? Simpsons, 24, Alias, Boston Public, Scrubs, That 70s Show

6. What do you have for breakfast? The blood of my ancestors. I mean Cheerios or instant oatmeal.

7. What would you hate to be left in a room with? it's a tie between Michael Jackson and my dad.

8. Can you touch your nose with your tongue? If I grab my tounge and pull upwards, yes.

9. What inspires you? The images I see in my belly button lint. And other people's really great art or writing or music or whatever makes me want to go home and do my own stuff.

10. What's your middle name? I'd take it with me to the grave, except there's other people that know it already. *sigh* It's Jean. Hooray for naming your kid after her alcoholic grandma.

11. Summer or winter? SUMMER. NOW. PLEASE.

12. Beach, City or Country? I say move to Orange County. You're close enough to visit all three.

13. Favorite Ice Cream? Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia or mint chocolate chip.

14. Buttered, Plain, or salted popcorn? Butter and salt. Yum.

15. Favorite Color? Bright lego-y blue, green

16. Favorite Car? so many to choose from... studebakers, vw jetta, vw thing, old jeep cherokees, old wagoneers, old broncos, those old pickup trucks with the round fenders, old mustangs... mostly anything good and old.

17. Favorite Sandwich Filling? monkeys

19. What Characteristics do you despise? lazy parenting, lack of humor, uptightness, i hate people that look down their noses at others.

20. Favorite Flower? gerbera daisies.

21. If you had a big win in the lottery, how long would you wait to tell people? 30 seconds.

22. Fizzy or still water as a drink? Still (fizzy water = radioactive)

23. What color is your bathroom? boring, boring white. stoopid landlords with their stoopid no painting laws.

24. How many keys on your key ring? 3

26. Cancun or Kenya? Kenya would be cool.

27. Where would you retire? Where would Michelle and my other siblings retire would be my first question, because we've already made plans to be crazy old people together. Which is very different from being crazy young people together.

28. Favorite Day of the Week? Sunday.

29. Red or White Wine? BEEEEEEEEEEEEEER. But if I had to pick, I'd probably go with red. It dissolves the roofies quicker.

30. What did you do for your last birthday? I went to a swanky Hollywood party thrown for Voices in Harmony with Jen and Julian, and I think I drank a lot. And then a couple of nights later I think I went out and drank some more.

31. Do you carry a donor card? Of course.

32. Favorite Article of clothing? maybe a three way tie between jeans, my steel toe docs, and my Wonder Woman underroos.

33. Pepsi or coke? Coke or Mountain Dew.

34. Girl Scout or Camp Fire Girl? Was a Brownie, and then sort of made to quit once I hit Girl Scouts. Long story.

35. Least Favorite Food? bellybutton lint.

I have a very specific tv-watching agenda when I get home from work.

It entails lots of channel changing at crucial times of the evening so I can avoid the news.

And now I feel very uninformed about the whole war thing, and that bothers me. But with the little understanding I do have, I get very upset with the anti-war protesters. Michael Moore in particular. Listening to his Oscar speech last night really pissed me off. It’s irrelevant now who is or isn’t supposed to be the President. Bush is it. Just fuckin’ deal. We’re all in this country together, we’re all going through the war together. Nothing’s gonna change that now. So how ‘bout showing a little support for the military that’s overseas right now protecting people’s right to call their national leader an ass?

To the military: thank you.

On a much happier note, I like strawberries. A LOT. Major thanks to Hydie for bringing some to the Oscar festivities Sunday night, and thanks to Steph for the use of her housey-type facilities with tv reception far superior to mine. With my recent blogging topics, it was funny to watch the camera pan across the crowd and think “yup, he’s on my list, he’s on my list, he’s on my list, he’s on my list, he’s on my list, he’s on my list, he’s on my list, he’s on my list, he’s on my list….” and so on and so on. You get the idea. I just want to point out that Adrien Brody was on my list way before he won the Oscar, said "holy shit" on live television, and full-on kissed Halle Berry. Go rent Summer of Sam. Thanks to the Oscars and some other recent tv viewing, I’ve got a few more names for ya. My goal, in case you’re curious, is to have 100 names. (It’s a good round number, and I just like the sound of having 20 times the legal amount of names. It’s silly. Plus, a girl’s gotta have goals.) So cheers to the new guys:

Craig Kilbourne
Jimmy Kimmel
Jason Lee
Bono
The Edge
Colin Farrell
Luke Wilson
Owen Wilson
Guy who plays cute physics teacher on Boston Public
Guy who plays Tony on 24
Benicio Del Toro
Giovanni Ribisi

As I scanned the other bits of list I realized whoops, I wrote Dave Matthews twice. The current total stands at 66. Seems like a fine number to stop at for the night. It’s my word to you the blogging public that I will never add substandard hotness in an effort to pad the list.

Boston Public’s preview for next week didn’t make any kind of sense. Where the hell’s the very special episode hook? And I’m over the Married by America thing. I had it on in the background while I was sewing stuff tonight and ug. LAME. Let me say that again: LAME. I need cable.

And damn, do I love the sleep. ‘night, mofos.

confidential to michelle:

one blog entry is terrible. so far you get a big fat F in my book. F is for fucker.

and i like my father's chicken, asshole.

and thanks for the postcards, they're helluv funny. espcially the fact that the 909 gets its own postcard.

Mr. Pickles!?!? (holy crap this site is funny)

How many times has this happened to me… sit down to watch the SNL, get through 2 skits, fall into an almost comatose sleep, wake up an hour and some minutes later to the goodbye-ish type music, and the host thanking everyone and blah, blah, blah.

But this time I was pissed – I woke up a little earlier than normal and caught the second song the fighters of the foo played (which was good!), and the last skit (also good!), and then Christopher Walken thanking SNL. And thanking Steve Martin, and thanking Will Ferrell, and thanking Jim Carrey; I’m thinking holy crap, what kind of awesome episode did I miss?!?! DAMMIT!

Then I remembered the blessed vcr, which was taping said episode because my mom’s lameass boyfriend doesn’t like SNL and if he’s at the house he commandeers the television, leaving Danielle with nothing but his shitty tv choices to watch. We’re both Chris Walken fans, and she was upset at possibly missing this rerun. Hence the recording.

Anyways, so I watched it this morning and I am totally more jazzed about Steve Martin hosting the Oscars.

Now I’ve got my new cheap-ass copy of Jawbreaker playing in the background while I do laundree and type in my bloggy blog. (this running commentary brought to you by NBC Sports.)

A word to the wise: roller-skating is tons of fun for everyone. I swear the Fox Valley Roller Rink was like going back in time, being 10 again at the Fountain Valley Family Fun Center. Same dark room with flashing disco-y lights, same mix of 70s, 80s and new songs that the kids go re-re over, same show-off asshole skaters.

It was so flashback I was almost upset none of the preteens or teens asked me to skate when they cleared the floor for “moonlight couples skate”.

And I think we were almost at the verge of the quater-betting point, which would've resulted in me asking some 5 year old boy to skate with me.

Another cool thing was the sweetass chandelier thing that looked like a bunch of half-eaten suckers, and the old video games. They had Carn-evil - I don't know if you've ever played it, but it's one of those zombie shooting games and it's awesome and I haven't played since maybe it came out in the arcades. I was all excited because there's a code you can put in where all the zombies are wearing party hats. But I couldn't remember the code, and then the machine ate our quarters, so suck it.

I just realized something funny – I type my blog in Word because my computer likes to crash if I spend too much time typing on blogger.com, and the spell check isn’t trying to fix my use of re-re. It’s really a word. Alert the people.

So anyways, it was hilarious and fun and I almost won the limbo contest. By almost won I mean I hit the pole really hard with my head when I got disqualified. The two guys that won had this weird freaky matrix-y thing going where they stuck one leg out and leaned way forward. I gotta learn how to do that. Jen and I are contemplating making the rounds of all the roller rinks in the area, of which there’s a surprising amount. I’m counting 4-5 within a 20 minute drive from my house. That’s almost excessive. I’m not complaining. Just saying that’s a lot for a town that doesn’t also have a drive-in theater.

Before I go, a word to all of you pre-teens and teens out there. This is very, very important fashion advice, so pay attention. Maybe write it down on a post-it and stick it to your bathroom mirror or something so you don’t forget. You can not wear a regular bra with halter tops. CAN NOT. Get a halter top bra, or go without. If you don’t have a halter-type bra and your parents are uncomfortable with you going braless, then wear something else. To illustrate this, go rent Slums of Bevery Hills. Please. It’s for the good of the country.

So I’m out, I think my laundree needs attention. Later gators.

Sincerely,
The Rollerslut

I'm all full-up of the good news this morning, and it's only noon-thirty. Here's two pretty cool things:

1) My old roomie Chris will be on break from cruising in the Carribean trying to pick up on bikini-clad travelers in between gigs at the same time as I'm heading back to the homeland in May. This means we get to hang. And madcap mayhem (translation: much drunkenness) is now most definitely going to be part of the trip's festivities. (That's assuming this whole war thing doesn't somehow cause Southwest to stop all flights or something crazy like that.)

2) I unknowingly called my mom's boyfriend a fucker when he answered the phone. (he really is an annoying fucker, but I thought it was my brother picking up the phone.) My mom wasn't too amused when I told her.

3) In June I can finally join the eighties and get cable. No more shitty infomercials for me, thanks, I'll have all the SNL reruns I want, along with an occasional music video when MTV has a glimmer of "hey, we should stop sucking so hard." (with the exception of The Osbournes and Jackass and the occasional Sorority Life) My plan is to quit my job and become the best couch potato IN THE WORLD! (the caps to be said with much yelling.)

I'm not really quitting my job. I actually quite like drawing zillions upon zillions of tiny flowers all day and still only being half-done. RRRR.

4) Sometimes when I'm mulling something over, I'll think of solutions when I wake up. This morning I woke with the revelation that holy crap, I left more good people off my list! Please welcome the newcomers:

ryan stiles
kevin bacon
dave matthews
david bowie
david spade

I believe that puts my current list total at 54 or 55, which will possibly be added to when I think of more names.

5) Whenever I say I've got two things to talk about it always ends up being more because I'm a chatty bastard.

6) The infomercial right now is selling something that sharpens bits. Whatever that really means doesn't matter, because the idea of a guy sharpening his bits is pretty hilarious. I've got a picture of a pencil sharpener in my head. Ow.

Later gaters. I'm off to waste a Saturday. Watch SNL tonight, I command it - it's a rerun of the last time Christopher Walken hosted.

a-shashashashasha, we're not done yet.

I feel terribly stoopid about forgetting two of my long-time cheezy hollywood crushes:
john cusack
jeremy piven

and here's some other ones I forgot to add to the new and improved list last night:
the guy who played dave on the show titus (before it was cancelled)
christopher titus
hugh jackman
verizon wireless "can you hear me now" guy
sprint trenchcoat cel phone guy
chris rock
pre-drug addict robert downey jr.
dave matthews
the funny spiky haired kid from Sum 41 (please note this does not count as me saying that band is good. thank you.)

I'm still exhausted, so that's all the writing you get.

And I can't wait to watch the oscars sunday because Steve Martin rocks when he hosts. So there. Nighty-night.

I got a very upset email from my sister Danielle this morning about our favorite band IN THE WORLD (the caps to be said with much yelling), The Offspring. Apparently Ron Welty has left the band to concentrate on smaller projects and has been replaced by some dude from The Vandals.

Could be worse, I say. We could've lost Noodles or Dexter.

Now back to your regularly scheduled work day, already in progress.

p.s. - who is this Vetts?

You know what crazy is? Working on copying zillions of tiny flowers (each slightly smaller than a pencil eraser)in a 3” square. And the flowers are all very different looking, so you can’t really cut and paste and flip them and so on to finish it. And after 2 hours of work, the fucker’s only a quarter finished.

Guess what I’m doing tomorrow. Ding ding ding! You win! I’m drawing more tiny fucking flowers!

I don’t know what the deal is with me being so tired lately. I’m getting sleep, I swear I am. I’m actually getting ungodly amounts of sleep. We’re talking around 9 hours a night. Which, for me, is a ton of sleep. And I try to stay up later but it’s not happening; no matter how hard I try not to, I end up asleep on the couch that has magical narcoleptic powers.

So after crazy wacky aerobics tonight, I proceeded to sit my ass down on the sleep-inducing couch with a bowl of really fuckin’ good spaghetti and watched Scrubs. Do you watch Scrubs? You freakin’ should. Something tells me I possibly wrote that very same thing last Thursday. Go check. It’s okay, I’ll still be here when you get back.

So did I say it?

Hm. Interesting.

Anyways, my love of Scrubs is twofold: it’s got really super great hilarious writing, and it’s got the love of my life. And while I was taking a break from drooling over the idea of having a Gwen Stefani designed purse to drool over Zachy boy, I realized something pretty cool. As a single woman, I really don’t have to have a list. But even funnier is that I could keep the list and just make it as long as I want. I mean seriously, who cares?

So, in summation, here’s my list, which will be added on to as I see fit (and when I remember some more names):

Noodles and Dexter Holland from the Offspring
Zach Braff
Seth Green
Tim Roth
Jon Stewart
Samuel L. Jackson
Vin Diesel
Kiefer Sutherland
Paulo Costanzo
Johnny Knoxville
Steve-o
The guy who plays Hyde on That 70s Show
That guy’s brother, who is on Malcolm in the Middle
Vaughn from Alias
Steve Martin
Christopher Walken (when he was younger, mind you… maybe not so much now)
Dave Grohl
Chris Cornell
Thom Yorke
John Henson
Lawrence Fishbourne
Adrian Brody
Gabriel Byrne's accent (not Gabriel Byrne, just his accent)
Keanu Reeves
Ray Liotta
The guy who plays Uncle Eddie on Grounded for Life
The guy who played Johnny Blue Jeans on the old Viva Variety
Vince Vaughn
Brad Pitt
Edward Norton (in a whiny, want to punch him in the face kind of way)
All of the Beastie Boys
James Hetfield
That Irish guy I insulted on St. Patrick’s Day in Savannah a few years ago (note to self: being Irish does not necessarily mean you know the Lucky Charms commercial)
Ben Stiller
the bass player from OKGo
the guy who plays Samwise Gamgee in the LoTR
the guy who looked like The Boss in the LoTR

Dammit, when I’m on the spot I can’t remember all the stuff I was gonna say. Ploptacular. I’ll add to the list later.

drool, drool, drool.... this is almost worse than waiting for the matrix sequel to hit theaters.

Yakkity yak
Don't smoke crack.

Like I’ve said many, many times before - us Lehman chicks are banding together for complete and total Uberweb domination – once all our blogs are assembled we make this big fat roboty thing that wreaks havoc on Chicago and the surrounding suburbs. I finally got Danielle’s blog address – link’s to the left. If you like swear words like we like swear words I suggest you go read it.

Went to Oblio’s after work with Jen and some of the rest of the department and had some free corned beef and cabbage and a roll in honor of St. Pat’s day. Just call me steph o’lehman. I love how cheap free is. I also had a beer. And it was good. Then the gym, then the home, then dinner, and Boston Public. The icing on the very special episode cake was the public service message that came at the end: “if you or someone you know is a victim of an abusive relationship please call 867-5309”. Now it truly is an after-school special. Not that abusive relationships are anything to laugh about. Unless they take place on the Boston Public.

I hate to admit it, but that terrible "Married by America" show that’s on after the BP is kind of interesting. Mind you, I didn’t say it was super good high quality tv watching. But it’s interesting to see how the different couples that have all known each other for the same few days act towards each other. Some of them have really clicked and are fun to watch because they’re just good together. Others are a little reserved because they don’t know each other and they don’t want to rush things just because of the tv show and end up fucking things up. The one couple that didn’t work REALLY didn’t work. The chick kept getting on the confessiony type camera and crying and talking about how she just didn’t feel any chemistry with the guy. That’s the couple got kicked off tonight. And it’s funny when they kick off the couple – the host very seriously asks the girl to give the guy back the ring.

When they did this I thought to myself “Wait a sec, he didn’t buy the huge, stoopidly-garish and gaudy ring in the first place, the show did!”

Right as I thought that the host very seriously asked the guy to give him back the ring.

Just kind of funny. I’m not gonna be addicted to the show in any way shape or form because I will admit it’s fuckin’ stoopid, but it’s another one of those things that makes me want to go back to school and study psychology. What could possibly make someone think they’d find their future husband/wife on a crappy reality show that compresses down into five weeks all the time you’d normally take (like um, a year. probably more.) getting to know someone before getting hitched? I mean, I know there was a big fat screening process that supposedly would match people that would work really well together, but dude. It’s terrible, terrible crazy talk.

But it did make me wonder: if you were given the chance to go on that show, would you? Even though I know it’s fuckin’ dumb, I’d have to give a resounding yes. Because wheeee, I’d be acting like a goofball on tv instead of regular real life. How much freakin' fun would that be? And if I hated the guy I ended up with I could do all kinds of terrible things to him to get us kicked out in the first week.

So on that note, I’m going to bed. I’m wicked tired tonight and I don’t understand it. I’ve been sleeping, why the hell am I so tired?

My apologies to all who anticipated a boxing match tonight – I was prepared, I swear. (The Wonder Woman Underroos were in attendance, I assure you.) And they really were sweetass 70s sheets. But, lucky for Emily (ha ha!), I can’t in good conscience fight for E.T. It’d be like me fighting to save Avril Lavigne’s life. And you know how I feel about that.

This afternoon I took a miniature road trip down to Milwaukee because it was freakin’ beautiful outside, I still had a gift certificate from xmas for the Boston Store, and sometimes when I don’t really have anything to do I like to drive. I got down there and ended up milling through the store for over an hour because I don’t do a lot of shopping at Robinson’s May type establishments, and I hadn’t really thought before going down there if there was anything I needed.

P.S. – I’m watching M*A*S*H, and that show fucking rocks. Seriously.

By the time I was done at the Boston store I didn’t feel like being at the mall anymore; I had looked up some nearby fabric stores online so I thought maybe I’d go see about dress fabric for prom. I’m thinkin’ about sewing a dress because:

a) I don’t have enough stoopid projects around my house to work on
b) it’s way cheap if you find a good discount fabric store
c) I can make something crazycool
d) it’s good practice and I’ve never made anything that involved before
e) when our prom’s done I can send it to my little sisters that are in high school, and they can possibly use it at one of their dances or something

So anyways, the first fabric store I had looked up wasn’t open on Sundays. I drove for another 10 minutes or so to the other one, and not only was that one in a really shitty neighborhood, but it was also nonexistent. Like the building it should have been in was completely empty. So, kind of annoyed with that and cursing the day I moved too far away to drive to the fashion district in downtown L.A., I started home.

About 15 minutes after getting on the freeway, there was a convertible with four college-y type kids in it. I think one of the guys lost a bet or something, because he was riding in the backseat wearing a necktie.

And, quite possibly, nothing else.

That’s most likely wishful thinking on my part. He probably had pants on.

But it was funny, because not only was he half-naked, he was waving wildly at every car that passed theirs.

The rest of the drive home was extremely uneventful, except for the part where I thought I was getting pulled over by the fuzz. Thank god he was actually pulling over the car in front of me. I was scared straight by it, though, and slowed down to the speed limit.

For about 30 seconds.

I hope work tomorrow isn’t horribly overwhelming. I’m getting the feeling there’s going to be a lot on my shoulders this season and I don’t really feel like I’m prepared to handle it just yet. I still feel really new and bumbling and lame.

Whutever. G’night suckas.

At the tone, the time will be 2:36a.m.

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.

night, fuckas.

And, could the day get any better, when you look for "crime commited for fun" (sic) on Yahoo my site is third on the list. I'd like to thank the Academy and my own iffy speeling skills. I wouldn't be listed without them.

"California here I come,
right back where I started from,
where bowers of flowers bloom in the sun,
at morning, something something, blah blah blah blah noo noo noo.

The Sunkist miss says don't be late
that's why I can hardly wait
open up that golden gate
cuz California here I come."

This cheezy-ass song brought to you by Southwest Airlines, who will be whisking me back to the homeland for a weekend in May:

Receipt and Itinerary as of 03/15/03 09:45AM

Wednesday, May 21 - CHICAGO-MIDWAY(MDW) to LOS ANGELES INTL(LAX)
Flight 1516 M
Depart CHICAGO-MIDWAY(MDW) at 07:25AM and
Arrive in LOS ANGELES INTL(LAX) at 10:10AM

Sunday, May 25 - LOS ANGELES INTL(LAX) to CHICAGO-MIDWAY(MDW)
Flight 1131 M
Depart LOS ANGELES INTL(LAX) at 07:05AM and
Arrive in CHICAGO-MIDWAY(MDW) at 12:55PM

I'm so excited I could pee.

It’s late. I’m not writing shit. Except for the “It’s late. I’m not writing shit” that I just wrote, and this sentence that I’m writing right now.

Today was beautiful - it wasn’t 2 degrees outside. And tomorrow will be even nicer. The sooner I go to bed, the sooner I’ll wake up and it’ll be tomorrow which’ll be sweet.


The only thing wrong with today is the inevitable "Holy crap you're wearing a skirt" that I always get from at least 5-10 people when I do so. I just want to punch people in the head when they say that. Because hi, I am a girl. It's okay for me to wear them. And yes, I'm a t-shirt and jeans girl but come on. It's still okay for me to wear them without you fuckers making such a retardedly huge deal about it. And hello, I haven't worn skirts in months because it's been a billion degrees below zero, assholes.

No, I'm not angree. It's just lame.

Look at that, I said I wasn’t writing anything. What a damn-hell-ass liar I am.

And I don’t think it matters that I said I’m going back to Cali in my blog, it’ll still be a surprise since none of my family reads this shit anyways. Plop.

I'm really going to bed now. I wonder if I'll wake up in time for cheezy-ass aerobics tomorrow morning?

2 current annoyances in my life:

-the price of airfare on the weekend of my nephew’s first birthday. $500 through supposed “discount travel websites” is too damn much for just going for a weekend. So much for surprising Michelle with a visit.

-big stoopid vintage print at work won’t go away. Was supposed to take a couple of hours to do on Tuesday afternoon; the fucker still hasn’t left my desk.

-my contact lenses are fucking up because I’m all tuckered out from funnee aerobics.

-I can’t go to bed because I’m doing laundree.

-I’m tired of my stoopid cold and even stoopider runny nose.

-I had to talk to my mom for a half hour last night. No wait, I had to listen to her talk about herself for a half hour. No, I take that back again. When I mentioned how I’m using my tax return to pay off both stoopid eye doctors that I owe like 600 bucks to, she did take a second to ask how the eye was doing. She never does this because it’s a grim topic and she doesn’t like to have to face very real bad news. Poor me, I’m blind in one eye and they can’t make that come back and they can’t guarantee the good eye’ll stay good. Boo-fucking-hoo.

-my oh-so-hilarious baby-taking-a-shower-in-a-urinal baby shower invitation design (maybe you should read that “the card that was basically just a picture of a garbage pail kid”) was fully appreciated by jen, and then thrown back to the drawing board by the powers that be. Which, given, was totally expected on my part. I just did it to be funny. Why don’t we just get lazy and use the one not-terribly-inappropriate card I did do?

-payday’s tomorrow, and I’ll be poor again on Saturday. Stoopid bills.

-avril lavigne’s still alive. Dammit.

What’s the deal with me tonight? I’ve got no real reason to be this annoyed at nothing in particular. (no, thanks for asking, it’s not p.m.s.) I’m guessing it’s two things: I just want to go to sleep, and I’m kinda pissed that I’m gonna miss my nephew’s first birthday.

In other news, I don’t spend a whole lot of time yelling at the television. Except for maybe when the Lakers are on and winning. But last night I yelled at the tv twice. Once in anger when the news cut in on Seinfeld for a special report, and then again just a few seconds later in amazement that holy shit they found Elizabeth Smart. Nine months later. And she’s okay. It was weird, last June when Domi and I took the bus to North Dakota (yes, there is a North Dakota), there were fliers up everywhere in the Utah area for this girl, and even in some of the surrounding states. It was so weird having it in your face like that instead of just hearing blurbs about it on the news. I’m so glad she’s okay, even if some of the story doesn’t really add up. I figure I worry so much about child abuse/abduction stories I hear about because of mine and my family’s history, which we really do not need to discuss here. Eeesh. (Whoever thinks they’ve heard all of it probably hasn’t and maybe doesn't need to.)

So this wasn’t such a bright shiny blog. I’ll be better tomorrow morning, I promise. And if I’m not, then I’ll draw some puke and POW! (penis) I’ll be just peachy!

It's amazing how you can be really grumpy one minute, type penis, and start giggling again. The end.

Bwahahahahahahaa......

Found it. (it's card #246a on that dropdown menu)

When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced...
Live your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice. — Cherokee Proverb

Just thought that was kinda cool. I found it while looking for a pic of "John John" from the Garbage Pail Kids on the internet.

There's a real reason I'm looking for this, I swear.

Stoopid, stoopid, stoopid.

I’ve been home from the dentist for a full hour and a half of completely wasted time. My plan when I got home was to just jump online, check the emails, send some nekkid pictures to the Bad Religion guy, and order some online crack rock. But no dice. According to Earthlink my password was invalid. I called my little sister in CA and found out she could sign onto the same account fine there. So I blamed it on my computer; and me with my “I’m kinda computer literate, I can figure out how to fix stuff” brain, I did everything BUT call Earthlink and find out what the deal was.

An hour and a half later I catch wise to my dumbass ways, call tech support, and find out my dialup number was shut down. Duh. Things are fine now. I’m just pissed that I wasted a full hour and a half on the lameness. Okay, maybe not a full hour and a half. I did take out the trash and water my plants and sit and watch Wayne Brady interview the Texas Justice guy for a while.

Are you there, God, it's me, steph. Why do I love trashy lameass daytime tv so much? Seriously, I’d like an answer. But I guess it’s better than being addicted to hookers or something.

So happy day off to me; I was so brave at the dentist this morning.

LIES!

I cried when they gave me the shot in my mouth. And they were very nice about it. I got a filling, and it wasn’t so bad (except for the needley-shot), and I also got harrassed about not making an appointment to have a consultation for ripping out the wisdom teeth. Dentist guy tells me they’ll talk about how much it’ll cost and try to help make it affordable for me. I say no way jose, I gots me plenty of bills right now and the teeth are not causing any real trouble just yet so the fuckas can wait.

In other news, Space Monopoly is funny. Especially the part where the hotels look like weeners.

And, more importantly, another one of my sisters is contemplating entering bloggy coolness. She hadn’t seen Michelle’s blog yet, and picked the robot template. (When I first set this thing up way a million years ago I thought about the robot, too, but it wasn’t crazy happy colorful enough. So there.) So yeah, once again I say Lehman chicks are gonna take over the world, and you’re gonna like it or else.

That's it for me. I'm off to enjoy not werking - me and my filling, whom I think I’ll call Jose (after my Pick and Save honey), will see ya at the P tonight!

oh yeah, and happy birthday to jen, who is the reason i'm drunk.

now go away.

Aaaaaa-shashashashashashashashashasha......

i'm drunky. whoopppeeeeeee!!!!!!!!


jen's keyboard is nicer than mine. asshole.

soidfresbkjrkjusagiewutpiqagvrkjbzs;fiuzdtfu;

night.

n To whomever was on the uberweb (haha, I can use it in a sentence, too! :) looking up "cardboard box sleds":

IT DOES NOT WORK.

I hope that when you got to my blog, you read back far enough to find out just how it turned out for me.


In other news, colds are fucking lame, and I'm tired of feeling like ass. Note, I did not say "feeling like AN ass". I don't think I'll never get tired of that.

Gotta go, a very special episode of you-know-what's on.

I haven’t read a book cover to cover in one day since probably grade school. And even then, most of the time it was just paging through, pretending to read the book so I could write it down on the very long list of books I'd "read" and look like I was as good at reading fast as Michelle was during the summer reading program at the library. Parental pressure sure makes you do weird things.

If it wasn’t a total copyright violation I’d type this whole two hundred fifty something pages here so you’d totally get hooked in and read the entire thing online and then go buy this chick’s other books. So for to make this slightly more legal, the following are quotes from Flaming Iguanas (An Illustrated All-Girl Road Novel Thing) by Erika Lopez, possibly the coolest thing I’ve read since The Bad Girl’s Guide to the Open Road. (Why yes, funny you should ask, I am a complete and total road trip junkie.) Go buy it. Or ask nicely and you can borrow my copy.

“And check it out – I highly doubt you’d find a traveler pumping you full of psycho-killer fear. No. Only people who stay at home and watch too much TV will pump you full of that shit. How the fuck do they know? Look at their doors: they probably have fifteen deadbolts and an alarm system to protect their rhinestone-horse sweatshirts … The louder you laugh and the farther apart you plant your feet, the more respect you’ll get. Take up space because it’s not a school dance.” (page 112)

“The Canadian bikers had come down to Virginia from Canada just to ride these mountains for a weekend. We sat back, had some beers and the dark-haired Canadian John kept telling the quieter light-haired Canadian John jokes about having sex with sheep: “Why do Scotsmen wear kilts? – Because sheep can hear zippers a mile away.” I figured it was a Canadian thing. Like how inbreeding jokes are a southern thing and second date U-Haul jokes are a lesbian thing.” (page 124)

“I felt alone and alive in the best way. No one could intimidate me or give me shit because I had bug guts all over me and could keep a bike upright and pass a truck in the crosswinds with a war cry. I’d just been through traffic hell and now I was actually a biker who’d earned the right to spit on any road, even though I never did because I never practiced, because I knew it’d just drool down my chin inside the helmet.” (page 185)

“Graphic detail is fine as long as you don’t say it out loud.” (page 235)

Umm…, that last blurb ain’t so interesting without the drawing below it. Another reason you should read the book.

And now’s the time on Sprockets where we

A) go stir-crazy from being inside all day,
B) give in to our cookie cravings,
and
C) make a trip to the Girl Scouts table we saw at the grocery store last night.

If you’re good I’ll bring the box of what-used-to-be-called-Samoas with me to the Robin’s Nest tonight. And maybe I’ll even share.
Later!

There should be a law.

And that law should be you are not EVER allowed to use the damn alarm clock beeping in commercials. (even if it's a coffee commercial. especially if it's a coffee commercial.) Because when I hear that noise it instantly pisses me off and makes me not want to buy whatever is being sold in said commercial. And I can't be the only one that feels that way.

Another part of that law should be that you can't use the police siren noise in songs because it makes the person listening to it in their car think the fuzz is coming. And it's freaky.

Also, as part of that law, everyone should have to serve me.

Went to Big Lots and it was everything I'd hoped for and more. I have the big wacky-insane bling-bling frame as proof. It was weird that they had furniture and not clothes - not that it made a huge difference; I don't think I've bought clothes from a Big Lots since I was maybe 13(back in the day when it was still called Pic 'n Save). The new store also has a plethora of Frankenberry and Booberry cereals, as well as an abundance of different kinds of meats in cans (like Spam and vienna sausages) for your dining pleasure. Alert the people!

Found some more wacky goodness at Goodwill, like a sweet book on old advertisments. The best is the WWII ad on the cover with the chick saying "Gee! I wish I were a man, I'd join the Navy." Made me giggle because of my own past attempt at enlisting a couple of years ago, except it'd be more like "Gee! I wish I had two eyes, I'd join the Army reserves." Someday I'll make one too many jokes about the bum eye and people will start to think I'm really bitter about it. But until then, it's open season.

Also at Goodwill was some really great shit for an impending bday, so I can't talk about it. But hot damn is it funny.

I'd like to prove Phil wrong about something. There has to be at least one other person out there that thought John Henson (the old Talk Soup guy) was cute. Come on, you know you did. Now you just have to 'fess up.

About a half hour after I got home from happy shopping my cold/flu/ebola/whatever decided that yeah, I probably should have just stayed home all day resting or something. So I've just been kickin' it on the couch, watching tv. Not much is on, because it's Saturday and I am not quite cool enough for cable yet. I got stuck on watching Con Air, which isn't a bad flick - it's fun. But I have a problem with Nicholas Cage with long hair. Seriously. Bad. And after a while I started losing interest in the bad voiceovers to replace the swearing, so I finally started reading Flaming Iguana; I'm only a few pages in and I'm already making plans to get this chick's other book. It's hilarious, and has supercool art.

So enough of this. It's relatively early to bed for me tonight. Whoopideedoo.

p.s. - it's kind of neat when you find out strangers are diggin' your stuff. Behold!

Two things:

1) Hold on, lemme get this straight... CB is pregnant?

2) Big Lots opens tomorrow/today, and why the hell am I so excited about it?

3) Dammit, Michelle, I know you've got a husband and two kids and are packing stuff up to move to a new place and you just got a promotion so your hours are all different again but your blog's more important and if you don't write more than just that one entry you're not my sister anymore. Don't make me come over there.You can keep the five bucks I've had it! Oh I will, mister!

4) No, wait, make me come over there. Please. Miss you much.

5) Ummmm..... CB's having a KID?!?! You sure she didn't say dinner party?

6) Should've had this up a zillion years ago, I forgot to add my friend James' website to the left. Done and done.

7) Two words descibe The Frat House: Fun and Knee. Say them together now!

And now for the precious, precious sleep. And then the sleeping in. And then, tomorrow afternoon, the Big Lots. Hooray for everything.
'night, suckas.

Wheeeeee, here's the other thing I wrote while I was bored yesterday. Enjoy or die!

******************************************

"What can I getcha?"

"Can I get a Smirnoff Ice - and I have a coupon for 2 dollars off. Can I use it here?"

"Lemme see" (bartender chick takes coupon, walks over by the register where there is slightly better light - possibly given off by the money. big pause while she reads the entire sheet of paper, smiles, kind of chuckles to herself, walks back over to where I'm standing at the bar.) "Well this coupon is for Peabodys, and you're at Denny's. I would do it for you, but I don't think my manager would like that very much."

"Oh, that's okay. How much do I owe you?"

"2 dollars."

The end.

This is possibly how the quarter thing got started: one of my roommates offered me a quarter to have a conversation with a mouthful of food with my other roommate while we were trying to order coffee from the cute coffee guy at Gallery Espresso. i don't think i ever did catch his name; I just called him cute coffee guy. And cute coffee guy had a very good sense of humor about the whole thing; if I remember right he took a couple of bites out of a muffin or something so he'd fit in better when he talked to us.

I don't remember all the dumb things I've done for 25 cents, because the mind is a powerful tool and thankfully blocks out some of the truly bad stuff. Or I'm just dumb. More likely than either of these is that there has just been too damn many stoopid bets for me to keep track. In any case, here's some things I do remember getting quarters for:

-had a conversation with a mouthful of food

-stood with my elbows sticking out in a very crowded bar for 15 minutes

-acted like a monkey in front of some Savannah tourists

-said an obscenity out the car window at some other Savannah tourists

-yelled "Matt rocks!" at the end of scad's production of Tommy

-ate a dog biscuit

-ate a different brand of dog biscuit

-bet on what time Dan would show up to B&B Billiards

-pretended to be a lesbian at Starbucks

-went up to a group of drunk guys at a restaurant, said "dude", then walked away

-ordered blueberry compost instead of compote on my pancakes at IHOP

-pulled my friend's hair (not hard, mind you, I'm not that kind of jerk.)

-wore a cardboard box on my head while one of my roommates and I walked across Forsythe Park

-wore a respirator mask on my head while at the grocery store with that same roommate

-cartwheeled through the Glendale Galleria, saying "Up with people!" in between each cartwheel

-did some random stuff on the kids playground at the L.A. Zoo

-acted lost, and asked the parking lot attendant at Knott's Berry Farm how to get to Disneyland

-sat in haunted house rocking chair at Knott's Berry Farm

-took a sip of taco sauce and root beer mixed together at Del Taco

-handed off a yoinked bottle of ketchup from Johnny Rockets to a random stranger at The Block

-lay face down on the parking garage floor at ThinkBox and sang "Feliz Navidad"

-ate all the ketchup in one of those little ketchup cups from McDonalds

-ate all the barbeque sauce in another little cup

-balanced my cd case on my head while I drove from Appleton to Oshkosh

-used (or tried to use, anyways) a very expired peabody's coupon at denny's

Please note that this list doesn't include all of the stoopid stuff I've done for free, like the occasional assignments my sister gives me or the ramifications of losing at Tekken Tag when I would play against Donovan.

About my earlier post - my sister's got a blog now, ho ho ho. Or maybe that was supposed to read "my sister's got a ho now, blog blog blog." What does this mean to you, the viewing audience? Twice the Lehman at half the price! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I'm getting sick and it's pissing me off, because I know I should get to bed earlier to try and combat it but I keep coming up with better things to do than sleep. My throat's all sore and stoopid and I feel like ass. And I'm entertaining the thought of calling out sick tomorrow, but it seems lame to waste perfectly good sick days on being sick. I don't know what's going on tomorrow (I'm assuming the p?), but I probably won't see you bad guy peeps til late tomorrow night for cuz I've got a prior engagement with some other peeps who've got birthdays goin' on. But lemme know where y'all will be and I'll catch up with ya later on. I speak the mad good english, yo.

I've got two things i've been writing (because there is absolutely zip going on at work right now), and I don't really know which I should post first. So I'll just pick one. While I was surfing today, I found this list of questions. And yes, it's kind of lame-ish and some of the questions are a little repetitive, but it sure burned up some time and it turned out to be such a damn long project it seemed like a waste to throw out. So here ya go:

What song...
1) makes you want to dance: "car wash" or anything else disco-y (or just about any other song for that matter. i just like to shake it.)
2) makes you happy: "come on eileen" cover by save ferris, any happy punk cover songs by me first and the gimmie gimmies
3) reminds you of an ex-lover: "all my exes live in texas" (if by "live", you mean "are buried in shallow graves", then yes, this song's perfect.) "you oughta know" by alanis morrisette and "denial, revisited" by the offspring. i guess there's probably too many songs to list not because i'm a gigantic ho, but because different music reminds me of different guys that have been in my life at one point or another.
4) reminds you of an ex-friend: hmmm. don't know. don't really think about that too much.
5) describes your relationship with your parents: "(why are we) trapped" by king missile and "perfect" by alanis morrisette
6) makes you cry: "rainbow connection" when anyone sings it, "time of your life" by green day, the theme song from jurassic park, "no surprises" and "creep" by radiohead and "like a stone" by audioslave
7) makes you laugh: anything by weird al
8) makes you ponder life: "naked and famous" by the presidents of the united states of america
9) says a lot about you: "smash" and "all i want" by the offspring, "everything i want to be" by save ferris
10) reminds you of the one you want: no one's in this category at the moment, thanks. except maybe for cheezy hollywood crushes.
11) do you wish you wrote: "beat on the brat" by the ramones
12) do you never want to hear again: just about anything from avril lavigne, christina aguilera, nsuck, the backdoor boys... i just don't want no more boy/girl bands.
13) do you want played at your funeral: "ding dong the witch is dead" from the wizard of oz soundtrack
14) do you want to get married to: "baby got back" by sir mix a lot
15) makes friends think of you: "wind beneath my wings", hahahahahaha..... shit, i don't know. you tell me.
16) did you once love but got sick of: "what's my age again" by blink 182
17) do you love by a band/artist you hate: "sk8r boi" by avril lavigne (god, i hate her.)
18) do you sheepishly admit to liking: "wannabe" by the spice girls
19) makes you want to mosh: "we are the world"
20) would make you do anything to see played live: anything by no doubt
21) reminds you of your childhood: "i don't want to live on the moon" sung by ernie on sesame street, anything by the go-gos, "walk like an egyptian" by the bangles, anything by paula abdul, the whole "pump" cd from aerosmith and "faith" by george michael
22) sums up your teenage years: green day's whole dookie cd, alanis morrisette's jagged little pill cd, anything by queen
23) do most people like but you hate: i can't say for fear of being lynched.
24) do you love the lyrics of: lots of beatles and queen stuff, "praise chorus" by jimmy eat world
25) did you used to hate but now love: "scar tissue" and "californication" by the red hot chili peppers
26) is best played in the car: "detroit rock city" by kiss, lots and lots of classic rock - much too much to list here
27) do you like to fall asleep to: i don't fall asleep to music. but if i did, it'd probably be something like ben folds five or dave matthews band
28) do you like to wake up to: nor do i wake up to it. i wake up to a really annoying beeping. i always wanted to have that rage against the machine song that goes "WAAAAAKE UP!" really loud on my alarm clock, though. that'd be scary. and probably very effective in waking my ass up.
29) do you like out of your parents record collection: the three dog night greatest hits tape
30) do you love that you wouldn't know about if it wasn't for a friend: "hootenanny on mars" by hellbound hayride, "you're pretty when i'm drunk" by the bloodhound gang
31) makes you think of someone who died: the mister rogers theme song and the looney toons theme song
32) do you love the video of more than the tune: i'm stumped. sue me.
33) reminds you of your first crush: i had started writing anything pop-ish and whiney, but that's not really true. my first major huge crush was senior year of high school (i did like guys and go out and shit before that), and he loved the aquabats so yeah - anything by the aquabats.
34) is good to listen to whilst holding hands: i'm gonna add making out to that, and say apocalyptica's cd of metallica covers. seriously.
35) do you love that is from your favourite movie: "someone to love" and "shake your tailfeather" from the blues brothers soundtrack, "stand by me" from (duh) stand by me
36) makes you think of the moon: "baby got back" by sir mix a lot
37) makes you think of stars: "starry eyed surprise" by paul oakenfield
38) makes you think of the sun: "staring at the sun" by the offspring
39) makes you think of the night: "the stars at night, are big and bright (clap clap clap clap), deep in the heart of texass"
40) makes you think of sex: "hammering in my head" by garbage, "do me" by bel biv davoe, "the humpty dance" by that guy who sang it, "the thong song" by that sisquo guy, "justify my love" by madonna, "i want your sex" by george michael
41) makes you think of being alone: "one is the lonliest number" by three dog night and "turn the page"
42) makes you smile:"someday" by the strokes, anything by the beastie boys, "the sweater song" by weezer and stuff by cheezy hair bands
43) do you love to hear at clubs: "baby got back" by sir mix a lot
44) is not your "typical type" of style but you love anyway: anything bluegrass
45) reminds you of your best friend: "all the small things" by blink 182, "die die my darling", "whiskey in the jar" and "last caress" covers by metallica off of their garage, inc. cd
46) reminds you of your siblings: see #45 - also anything by nirvana, weird al, bad religion or the offspring
47) reminds you of the one you want but can't have: "how much is that doggie in the window"
48) can you sing really well: yeah, see, that's very subjective so i'm both pleading the fifth and saying i don't know if i do it well, but i like to sing along with just about everything when i'm driving.
49) you love which is instrumental: "hotel yorba" cover by diff'rent stripes and the four rooms soundtrack
50) has only been released recently but you love already: "sing sing" by the all american rejects

so i'm at work and i can't add a new happy link to the left until later.

but lemme just say we lehmans (and lehman defectors) are well on our way to world domination, so watch out.

sooooo sleeeeeeeepy.

that's all you get tonight.

'night, mofos.

and remember - hand drawn pictures of puke are really quite funny.

So I should have gone to bed a longass time ago. I got sidetracked. By blessed (you have to pronounce it bless-sed or else it reads lame) blessed keifer and 24. Maybe they should call it 40 so there'd be more episodes. That would be just fine, thanks. And I knew he wasn't going to go down with the plane. He's the whole reason anyone watches that show, and if he died that would basically mean the end of it. I mean, the guy who plays Tony's pretty cool, too, but nothing good ever happens to him. He just walks around the office looking pained and talking about who everyone can and can't trust. (no wait, last season he was sleeping with the chick at work who was actually working for the bad guys. Though they never showed the sleeping together part. Even then he just walked around the office looking pained and trying to figure out who the bad guy was. And he had the stoopidest goatee a guy can have, the kind where it's just a little tiny bit of hair that looks like you missed it shaving. This set of sentences probably doesn't need to be in parenthesis, but oh freakin' well.)

Sleep will be good tonight, because I'm not worrying so much about crap happening on the western front. Once again one of us kids has stepped in and done the parenting my mother seems incapable of. My sister Michelle rocks the casbah. (and she's contemplating starting a blog, gods be praised) Justin understands the situation a little better now (though he still doesn't know the entire story), and did feel kind of wierded out by some of the stuff his biological mom was saying and doing but didn't want to upset her and long story short I think they're possibly not gonna talk anymore until he's older. Which is good. Not because he shouldn't talk to his birth mom, but because he shouldn't talk to manipulative psychos.

In other news, I gotta share this - it's from an email I got tonight from my friend Kaye Borneman, and it's giggle-inducing:

Before responding to your e-mail (which I am quite excited to do) I have to tell you about the guy sitting next to me now. I am here at the library typing on their computers because it is a much faster connection than I have at home. I have to do some stuff for an event with the youth Saturday. More on that later. Back to the guy. I am keeping to myself here. This guy sits next to me with a hairdo remniscent of an early 80s shag. He is wearing all black with a huge ring on his middle finger (left hand). I am trying not to stare at him, but it is difficult. He is wearing sunglasses (cause it's cool in the library?) and smells like a little cigarette factory. He sits down and says the perverbial,"Hello. How are you doing?" I respond with the perverbial answer,"Good and how are you?" He then says something to me about,"Well there are about three really big reasons why I should be dead now, but I guess I am fine." Do I want to continue talking to him? No. I just say,"Oh." It took me by surprise. I can't take the cigarette smell. Ick.

And if you're hiring for a full-time anything in Glendale/Burbank/L.A. you should hire her. That's my personal endorsement. Go hire her now or horrible things will happen to you. Horrible things which I can't list, because I'm too tired to come up with anything. But you'd better believe these horrible things are gonna suck.

So there.

so no more slacky for me, i've got new shit to work on. and in honor of spring04 starting, here's some freakin' funny paperwork typos i made while finishing up holiday03 paperwork a couple of weeks ago, along with what it was supposed to be in parenthesis.

humper embroidery (jumper embroidery)
snow bummy (snow bunny)
HOliday 2003 (holiday 2003)
fruity burple (fruity purple)
blow plop pink (blow pop pink)
blow poop pink (blow pop pink)

and i hate limbo. i wish my mom would someday get that through her brain. that's it. get back to work.

I just forwarded this info to my homie jenn woolley in the LBC (no wait, I mean San Gabriel), and now I pass the savings on to you. Our friend Wayne's got a couple of cool gigs coming up; you should check 'em out if you can. Here's what he sent me:

Wayne Everett of the Lassie Foundation performs songs from his debut solo album "Kingsqueens."

Thursday, March 6
at Silverlake Lounge in Los Angeles, CA
10:50pm
$7, 21+
also appearing: Absinthe Blind, Roomtone, and Grand

Silverlake Lounge
2906 Sunset Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90026
The Fold/Silverlake Lounge: http://pages.sbcglobal.net/fold/

cd's and t-shirts will be available

RADIO PERFORMANCE
Wayne is scheduled to perform live in-studio on KXLU 88.9fm sometime between 6-10am the morning of March 6.
Outside of the West L.A. area, go to www.kxlu.com to listen in via streaming radio.

VIDEO IN PRODUCTION
A video is being shot in L.A. for the song "A Million Leaves," directed by Chevon Hicks (www.heavenspot.com). Look for it on wayneeverett.com in the coming months.

www.wayneeverett.com


*To remove yourself from this list, reply to this email with "Leave me alone!" in the body of your email.

I'm number 2!

If you start calling me Number 2, I'll kill you. Cuz that's gross.

Two things:

1) Add the supercool hello kitty pin I got a couple of days ago to the ever-growing list of broken stuff. The sad thing when pins like that break is you don't get to keep the cool picture part - you're left with a safety pin.

2) I do not have a fire hydrant in my living room.

3) Screw going to Hartford today.