can't.... stop.... answering.... questions... i... stole... off... fanny's.... blog....

1. name: steph
2. single or taken: swingin single cha cha cha
3. sex: okay
4. birthday: july 25
5. sign: leo
6. siblings: 3 sisters, 2 brothers
7. hair color: red
8. eye color: brown
9. shoe size: 8.5
10. height: 5'4"
11. favorite foods: poo sandwiches
12. hometown: orange county, ca

r e l a t i o n s h i p s
1. who are your best friends?: michelle, danielle
2. do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: no! didn't we cover this already?!?! way to rub it in, jerkface!
3. did you send this to your crush?: jesus!!! there's no prospects at the moment i told you!!! why don't you just come out and say I'M A HUGE DISGUSTING LOSER BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE WISCONSIN BOYS!!!
4. did your crush send this to you?: OKAY!!! OKAY!!! I'M GETTING OUT THE DRANO RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!! GLUG GLUG!!!
5. longest relationship?: 1.5 years
6. how many actual relationships have you been in?: 10ish
7. how many people have you kissed?: lost count a couple of years ago. lets say 407,000
8. are you shy around your crush?: depends on the guy - i don't know if i told you but i'm single...
9. do you indulge in random hook-ups?: kinda
10. still have feelings for anyone you've been in a past relationship with?: god no!
11. do you know what it feels like to be in love?: yes
12. would you sacrifice your favorite possession for your best friends?: my favorite possession is my own sweet jlo ass, and since i don't know if they do amputation of the butt i guess maybe i'd give up my shitty computer for my bestest friends. it'd be tough, though, cuz you know how much i love it.

1. where is your favorite place to shop?: where's the continuity here? why isn't there a title for this section? what's that? you'll ask the questions? okay fine. answers: target. joann fabrics. pearl art and craft. the fashion district in los angeles. the glendale galleria. electric chair. the anti-mall. art supply warehouse. michaels. sav-on. big lots. walmart. younkers.
2. have any tattoos or piercings?: yes and yes.
3. what is your favorite thing to wear?: your mom
4. what is a must have accessory?: according to this questionaire i'm starting to think it's a man or something.
5. how much is the most you've ever spent on a single item of clothing?: shit. um. i dunno. there's many things i've spent around 40 on, i usually don't go much higher than that. oh, i think the bight as fuck pink homecoming dress i made was 80 for supplies, but i've already had 3 places to wear it so it's totally worth it in my book.
7. who is the most fashionable person you know?: jenn
8. who is the least fashionable person you know?: carrot top
9. do you match your belt with your hair color?: i had no idea that was a rule. WHO MADE THAT A RULE!?!?!?! WHAT THE HELL?!!! i thought it was shoes! belt and shoes! i try to stick to that most times cuz i'm embarassed that i just learned about it within the last 6 months and i know i broke the rule a few times before that... bartender! another round of drano!
10. what is the worst thing you've ever thought looked good?: bagel bangs. 'nuff said.
11. what are you wearing right now?: pajamas. oh baby. so hot.
12. how many pairs of shoes do you own?: hold on lemme check. 17. though you'd never know it to look at me. the 17 are very varied, including shitty yellow flip flops, a pair of docs, a pair of black chucks, a light blue pair of heels, some superhero boots, very boring interviewing type flats, 40s style black heels, running shoes, vans, and so on and so on...
13.what is the worst trend you see today?: high schoolers dressing like complete sluts and getting away with it, and even worse, being encouraged to do it.

s p e c i f i c s
1. do you do drugs? no
2. what kind of shampoo do you use?: poop - i use fanny's brand.
3. what are you most scared of?: the ring
4. what are you listening to right now?: a commercial for the chimney sweeping log, available at fine retailers like walgreens.
5. who is the last person that called you?: my mom. at 7am. i was sleeping.
6. where do you want to get married?: at the 24 hour church of elvis. i think it's in oregon. standing in a dumpster could be cool too, and maybe more economical. WHAT KIND OF MONSTER TRIES TO MAKE PEOPLE DRINK DRANO FOR BEING SINGLE!!! i never had a problem with it til this second when you kept pointing out how terrible it is i'm not with some boy!!! screw you!!!
7. how many buddies are online right now?: what?!!?! everyone's sleeping or vacationing or something. and everyone hates me.
8. what would you change about yourself?: my left eye.
9. what are essentials in your life?: drano! duh!!
10. if you had the power to do any one thing, what would it be? laser eyes! no!!! wait!! xray eyes!! no wait!!! i want super strength!! i'd use it to punch people with laser eyes!!!
11. what nationality are you?: german, irish, italian, swedish, swiss, french, american indian.
12. do you send out holiday cards each year?: yeah. so? i didn't send any to my boyfriend, and i bet that's the next question. so yes. again. i'm a big single loser.

h a v e | y o u | e v e r
1. given someone a bath? yes
2. smoked?: yes
3. bungee jumped?: yes
4. made yourself throw up?: yes
5. skinny dipped?: yes
6. made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: yes
7. cried when someone died?: yes
8. fallen for your best friend?: yes
9. been rejected?: MANY MANY TIMES - that's fanny's answer and i'm just stealing it because yeah. again. i'm a loser. why did i start answering all these fucking questions!?!!?!?
10. rejected someone?: yes
11. used someone?: yes

c u r r e n t
1. hair: red
2. music: not listening to anything this second. garbage's last cd is in my car cd player right now. but unless the car's being stolen no one's listening to it.
3. make-up: not yet i just got up
4. annoyance: self-absorption
5. scent: napalm. in the morning.
6. favorite artist: shit, i don't know. shag. lichtenstein. fawn gehweiler. cosmic debris stuff. drawing a blank.
7. favorite group: offspring.
8. desktop picture: yeah you remember the part where i said my computer's a hunk o' junk? the desktop picture, no matter what, is the white active desktop recovery screen.
9. book you're reading: just finished valley of the dolls. hot hot hot.
10. cd in player: we covered this shit!!! damn you, you repetitive jerk!!!
11. dvd in player: last one i watched was the 1960s batman
12. color of toenails: poo brown, from kicking your ass!!!

i also heart finishing projects that turn out much cooler than expected! hey danielle! come and get it!

i heart jon henson! alert the people!

and someone seems to have heard kaiser's "i miss jon henson" comment from a few days ago, because i saw the best commercial ever this morning just before i left for work - some dude buys a tiny beer at a sporting event and starts bitching about how it cost him six fifty. all of a sudden jon henson appears out of nowhere and tells him to take a few beers before the game and soak a foam finger with them. then he licks his foam finger and says "mmmm, now that's good finger."

but the best part of the commercial was when they said jon henson's getting a tv show again. i'm taking the rest of the day off in celebration.

the only downer is we'll be forced to watch the damn stripperella channel. it's on spike tv on sundays at 10pm. i'd check your listings beforehand, cuz that commercial may not have taken central time suckiness into consideration and i'd hate for you to miss out on my account. so go to tvguide.com and be prepared. it's the boy scout way, they tell me.

i think the best way to come off of a five day weekend is a day like today, where there isn't anyone at work at all. i've still got a fuckton to do, but no pressure so instead i'll just put my head down and make keyboard impressions in my face while i nap.

then i'll work on making that choco peppermint sitting on my desk disappear.

we'll see how i feel about getting started after that.

oh and danielle - the show was cool, but it was way way way too short. and i don't actually remember seeing dexter get pushed down; i remember that girl getting up on stage and doing something resembling leg-humping. it was weird.

work work work blah blah blah guess what i did this weekend?

that's right, a whole lotta nothing, broken up by valley of the dolls, which is a really addictive read and makes me wanna move to new york, become a star, and take some pills. michelle says the movie's good, too, so that's coming soon to a vcr near me. watched a ton of snl reruns and i may have heard wrong but isn't snl moving to e! after the new year? it doesn't make sense there. maybe mad tv and snl can't be on the same channel and that's where the shuffle comes in, but still. they better not be taking snl off of comedy central. i have no idea why this irks me so much. i'm so lame.

i'm about halfway through my first knitting project, which is a big stripey pink on pink scarf. the first couple of pieces i did, just practice type runs, and many have already heard this comparison but i put it here because it makes me chuckle, but those first couple of practice runs look like nice little pink hand-knitted maxi pads.

next on the sewing agenda is a drano cozy.

spent the night at my cousin sheila's on saturday and had a surprisingly good time. not cuz she sucks, but more because i was worried that it would be weird. we haven't talked or spent any time together (outside of that hour on xmas eve at our grandpa's) in thirteen years. and back then we didn't even talk much. we hang out like twice or something like that. and while we're very different people that went in very different directions, she and her husband and three kids are great people and it was tons of good times.

but candyland has got to go. or at least those cards that make you go back on the board and practically start over when the game is almost finished... those cards have got to go, because it drags out the fun little jaunt into hours of torture.

oh and my computer's a big piece of crap, but you knew that. finished last night's project this morning - email me if you wanna find out what it is. it's exciting, i tells ya.

and danielle, your new blog template will be done soon i swear, but that little project just came up and it had to be dealt with post haste. so there.

it's time for my keyboard nap. get outta here.

so sad that i can knit an entire 25 stitch row on this scarf in the time it takes for my computer to save an illustrator file, and that i can knit another 25 stitch row in the time it takes to print that same file.

easy come, easy go...

*sigh*

i wish i hadn't wasted so much time reading up on how m.c. hammer blew his millions, and read something about actually investing my winnings instead.

after a whirlwind wowee-wow-wow-i-won-the-lottery spending spree, i humbly return to you as the poor white trash you remember.

i bought a box of stale jelly bellys, and after that there wasn't even enough of my winnings to cover a matinee ticket to cold mountain. i had to use four more dollars of my own money for that.

still, it was nice to lord over the rest of you poor hoi polloi for one day.

don't get too comfortable with calling me slob, jerkface, lame-o, and all your other petnames, though, because i may win four dollars again on saturday and then i'll have enough to get rid of you and make it look like an accident.

p.s. cold mountain was really good, but my stupid everythings-a-comedy-movie brain kept interrupting me when famous people would show up on screen. like when natalie portman was trying to get jude law to stay, in my brain she was saying "you should sleep with me, baby, because i'm an intergalactic space princess".

merry xmas, y'all!!! it's been a good holiday weeekend so far; spent time with grandparents of both flavors yesterday and got to see my cousin sheila, whom i haven't seen in probably ten years or more. and i got to meet her husband and 3 kids. and they're all just really friendly nice people - i'm going back to hartford area on saturday for a party type deal at their place. two times in hartford area in a week. unheard of. but even more unheard of....

who would've guessed that the last post on here, the one about teaching myself the joys of knitting, would've been my last post as a poor woman?

for those of you not in the wisconsin lottery powerball loop, the jackpot was 130 million yesterday.

and. i. won.

seriously.

i already put in my letter of resignation at work and i'm looking into buying two houses side by side in old towne orange for my sister and i. my mom's new house will probably be somewhere near huntington beach/westminster, since she's more into living there. maybe it'll be one of those million dollar homes near the beach, who knows. i'm also divying up some of the cash into a couple of savings accounts for my little sisters so i can hold up my end of the if-i-win-the-lottery-i'm-payin-for-your-college bargain.

the only thing left to do is call the lottery offices tomorrow when the lazy bastards aren't taking days off for christmas and tell them i don't want the yearly payouts, please just send me my four dollar check minus all applicable taxes.

the rest of the day could never ever hope to top that, but it was still good. talked to my family a lot on the phone, to the point where i just wanted to hang up and shut up for a while. you heard it here first, folks, i just wanted to shut up. saw a christmas story for the first time on tnt and gave it no more than a meh rating, worked on getting through the knitting book some more.

today i was going to go see big fish, but in true wisconsin fashion it's not playing anywhere near here. not even in madison or milwaukee. maybe i'll just wave my winning lottery ticket in the box office kid's face and he'll just find a way to make it happen? who knows, right? things are different when you're rich!

what's that you say? there's something different? i don't know what you're talking about!!!

i did just dye my hair...

that's not it? a glow, you say? oh, that. i'm teaching myself to knit, and so should you! it's a wicked good time!

iiiiiiiiiiii don't wanna work i just wanna punch a monkey all day

iiiiiiiiiiii don't wanna work i just wanna sleep on my couch all day

iiiiiiiiiiii don't wanna work i just wanna crap on your porch all day

iiiiiiiiiiii don't wanna work i just wanna rob hobbit banks all day

iiiiiiiiiiii don't wanna work i just wanna whack and unwrap all day

iiiiiiiiiiii don't wanna work i just wanna get bigger buns all day

iiiiiiiiiiii don't wanna work i just wanna make like a tree all day

iiiiiiiiiiii don't wanna work i just wanna type nonsense all day

iiiiiiiiiiii don't wanna work i just wanna drink drano all day

iiiiiiiiiiii don't wanna work i just wanna tell your mom i'm gay

iiiiiiiiiiii don't wanna work i just wanna husk some corn all day

iiiiiiiiiiii don't wanna work i just wanna kill dr. phil all day

iiiiiiiiiiii don't wanna work i just wanna watch trashy bold and beautiful all day

iiiiiiiiiiii don't wanna work i just wanna drink champagne all day

iiiiiiiiiiii don't wanna work i just wanna iiiiiiii like champagne, drink it in the rain

iiiiiiiiiiii don't wanna work i just wanna row row row my boat all day

iiiiiiiiiiii don't wanna work i just wanna draw tony danza and crocodile dundee naked in a magazine all day

iiiiiiiiiiii don't wanna work i just wanna make out with strangers all day

iiiiiiiiiiii don't wanna work i just wanna be a dentist all day

iiiiiiiiiiii don't wanna work i just wanna write musicals about carnivorous plants all day

iiiiiiiiiiii don't wanna work i just wanna eat candy all day

************

there you have it - my new cd drops february 13th be sure to call mtv and tell them you'll od on pain pills if they don't rocket my "i don't wanna work" up to number one on the charts!!!

this just in: gingerbread cookie dough looks like a big fat bowl of dogshit. no lie.

had super-speed xmas during lunch break today... which meant i had to call my mom's house to let her know the box got here okay and to thank everyone.

i talked to her yesterday, dammit. this every day contact wears me thin.

maybe she feels the same way? after ten minutes she passed me off to danielle. which is not the reason for the post. danielle's passing the phone to brittanie. that's the blog fodder.

she's doing better. she sounds better. she's more talkative about the shit that's going on at home. therapy is helping. a lot. and it's only been two weeks.

i'm jealous of her and i feel like a complete and total jerk for it.

while i would never go back and change the things i've been through that have made me as self sufficient and strong as i am today... at the same time i would.

b tells me therapist told her she's different from the rest of us kids in that she wants to go out and be social and things and go to parties and such and that it seems like michelle and i didn't really have much of a social life outside of high school. i told her that we didn't have that kind of life - that was true. but not wanting it was never the issue. we did want to go out and do things all the time but for the most part we lived in fear of our parents. we let so much slide because they constantly reminded us who held the power. it was easier to not go somewhere, anywhere, than to ask and have to do zillions of chores as some kind of "payment". it was easier to quit band after a year than it was to continue fighting with the parents about leaving drumline to learn the sax. back when michelle and i were kids everything was about our parents tastes, what they liked and what they wanted. and to some degree, i'm sure that's normal. my parents took it to the extreme. frequently.

while i'm really glad brittanie's getting help, there's some really typical mom stuff going on when they're there. like she only really listens to the therapist... all our lives us kids have never known what we're talking about. not even now, with me at 26 and michelle at 28. we're not worth listening to. nothing new.

i'm jealous because i wish i had had someone who recognized the shit i was experiencing in high school when it was happening. i wish someone had put me in therapy. i wish i didn't have all this fucking shit going through my head all the fucking time about things that i resent about my parents and how my sister michelle and i had to grow up way to fucking fast and babysit our four younger siblings starting when i was 7 or 8 and she was 9 or 10. i hate that my mother gossips to her friends all the time about shit we tell her, to the point where i don't want to tell her anything anymore. i hate that because of that i lied to her about my xmas eve plans. i hate that my mother is such a fucking slacker parent now and that in the end if she'd gotten justin the help he needed when the shit started he wouldn't be living with our fucking exdad. while i don't resent the close relationships i have with my siblings as a result, i resent that michelle and i have been put in parental type roles with them over and over again over the years, to the point where we do feel some parental type responsibility for their well being. i hate that my mother has 6 burdens, not 6 kids that she totally digs.

i hate that i am partially responsible for the shitty time i had in high school. i hate how weak i was then, how i just took everyone's bullshit over and over and over again, i hate how i was in brainwash mode until almost the end of college. i hate that i will never get high school back for a do over, and while i am genuinely happy for them i'm jealous that my younger siblings will most likely have goodtime memories of social type highschoolness because the shit's getting sorted out now. and i hate that i'm jealous. and i hate that 10 things i hate about you isn't on tv more often.

god damn there are some days where i really wanna go home at lunch and pack a bag and just leave and never come back to this fucking city.

and a super-special shout out to danielle, who turned 17 today.

danielle, you're a jerk and i hate your guts. and i really, really wish i'd been at your party. i miss you.

man, who here hate's jenn's mom? you should all be raising your hands, because she hired fawn gehweiler to do a painting for jenn for xmas. go check it out, and get back to me if you wanna be in on the robbery that will take place while she's outta town - i'm pricing glass cutters, ski masks, stun guns, degree deodarant for our feet, ropes and pulleys, big burly henchmen and armored getaway trucks this afternoon and i'll need to know how many to rent...

i'm just kidding, jenn's mom, you sound very nice and i only hate you in the friendliest of ways.

we now return you to your regularly scheduled tracing time, already in progress.

shit, how'd it get to be thursday already? no complaints, because tomorrow's friday and who doesn't love that except for fascists who can't get enough of working?

return of the king was totally sweet and i am ever so thankful that i had the good sense to clap both hands over my mouth to stifle the giggles trying to bust out towards the end, cuz i'm sure more than a few in the theater would've had my head on a platter for it... i'm not gonna ruin anything for you storywise, but when you look at the shire, think about the set for the teletubbies. exact replica. minus the rabbits. bite my butt.

this weekend will be full of stuff, i'm sure. for starters there's the taped new year's episode of the oc to watch. and then there's...

um...

hm...

what's going on again?

what's that you say?

jack squat?

it's really not that bad. live show friday night, visit with the grands saturday, possible madison shenanigans, probable hangover, definite house-eggings. unless asshole-hippie-pant-painter will be in attendance, in which case i'm boycotting to work on knitting underwear for children in bolivia.

oh and the other night i was reading the rolling stone with the supposed 500 best albums ever and i'm sorry, i just can't get behind a list that didn't have the "alvin and the chipmunks christmas" anywhere on it.

also funny: go look up the words chino, dundee, and wb on there and find our leavings from previous confessathons.

okay my official opinion is that grouphug was much more fun when you could post fake confessions that would go up on the site instantaneously. i love that when you do a search for drano, jenn and mark's comments have continued to survive the moderating, while my fake comment about actually wanting to drink said drano was taken off.

brooke could insert any of the following names in her very bewildered reading of "the baby's father is ________" paternity test papers on b&b tomorrow and i'd be fine with it:

-former russian leader mikail gorbechov
-mikail barishnakov
-carrot top
-your mom
-ronald mcdonald
-norm macdonald
-all the members of fleetwood mac
-a mack truck
-mick jagger
-norman rockwell
-colon forreal
-dirk diggler
-all the members of the wiggles
-noo noo the creepy vaccuum
-fabio
-derek zoolander
-a monchichi doll
-michael jackson
-andre 3000
-batman
-elvira, mistress of the dark
-sally the big nasty redhead
-santa claus
-satan
-big gay joe
-pinchy
-shaft
-mr. universe
-patrick swayze
-frankenstien's monster
-a rotten hot dog from the dumpster behind kroger
-alan alda
-the abominable snowman
-the ghost of christmas past
-the dude
-pootie tang
-jane goodall
-alfred e. newman
-zorflik and zorflok, defenders of stuff
-a dude dressed up as a blood drop
-a carnie named earl
-the sausage king of chicago
-the mattress king of long beach
-emeril lagasse
-the ragin' cajun
-the rock
-rock hudson
-princess buttercup
-boooooooooooooooooooo!!!!! boooooooo i say!!!
-hey you shut up i'm naming names here.
-boooo-what? oh sorry about that, please continue
-thanks jerk.
-martin scorsese
-donatella versace
-george michael
-a magically brought to life through the powers of movie magic snowman named jack frost
-sasquatch
-chief oshkosh
-the staff of mundo latino
-a tapioca pearl

feel free to add your own fatherly speculations here!

correction: tapioca pearls are really made of grapes full of black widow spider eggs.

this just in: tapioca is made of rabbit poo.

no wait - tapioca is made of compressed pocket lint.

just a couple of things because i'm oh so busy slacking off. this includes writing.

yesterday was another crazyfun trip to schaumburg. and seriously, one of the things i really miss about living in a bigger city area is the readily available multicultural experiences. jenn and i found a new place called Fat Straw that had opened up sometime within the last 3-4 months or something like that... the place serves like fifty bazillion different flavors of bubble tea, which i'd maybe heard of in passing once or twice but have never tried.

and bubble tea alone is such a great reason to move your ass to a major metropolitan area, or at least someplace with a much broader range of everything.

if you find yourself at Fat Straw in the Woodfield Mall, or anywhere else for that matter, i highly recommend the watermelon fruit tea. it's like drinking a watermelon. with tapioca balls in it. and ice. so if you had a watermelon, and you cut a hole in it and shoved in some tapioca balls and some ice cubes... and a straw... and then you tried to drink it... that's what watermelon bubble tea is like.

other highlights of the day? ikea. duh. and telling off the jerklady who wanted to take advantage of me. (yes, of course, i'm talking about that kind of taking advantage. what are you, some kind of pervert?!! we were in the damn parking lot and i'm not that kind of girl!)

had white castle tastyness for dinner. yes it's enough to write about. if you think otherwise you've obviously never eaten at one.

got home at 9:30ish, got on the phone with danielle around 9:45ish, started listening to my mom's latest drama stories at about 10:10ish, more drama drama drama blah blah blah, finally got off the phone at 10:45, called michelle back, unwound with her for about an hour. got to bed around midnight thirty.

today i found out the 60-70 mile drive to menomenee falls is enough time to hear the new offspring cd twice in entirety. it's not a long cd. but it's good. real good. super good, even. i have so much respect for bands like that, who can be around for 20 years and not be stagnant; they still sound fresh and new and relevant. and hot.

so with that i deem all bands that start with O the most constantly interesting, creative, fun bands on the planet. this especially includes the offspring, outkast, olivia newton-john and ometallica.

yeah you get another short post today. you know why? cuz it's all of ten degrees outside, and i have to conserve my energy for more important things like making cookies.

even though the cookies are already made.

had another episode of "the ugllee chef" tonight, and i'm seriously considering suing Mr. Food - i made his so-called "reindeer cookies" for the potluck tomorrow, and my reindeer are the sorriest, ugleeist bunch of reindeer ever to exist on the planet.

mutant reindeer, you could call em.

but i swear they're still tasty.

who here watches ed? everything i normally watch tonight has been pre-empted so we can watch horrible shit written by horrible writers be barfed out by horrible jessica/nick newlywed types. so screw listening to jessica make some stoopid reference to waiting until marriage, and how she's a ditz, blah blah blah. so i changed the channel. and the theme song for ed, i think it's foo fighters? "i'll be coming home next year"? makes me a little homesick. so you should send me 500 dollars, it'd probably cheer me right the fuck up.

dear diary,

i have one of those underground zits that hurt real bad whenever you accidentally touch it on my cheek. shhhhhhh, don't tell anyone! and isn't dexter holland the dreamiest? i bet we get married someday. well, gotta go, i have to practice dotting my i's with hearts now. i'll write again soon,

steph

happy new offspring cd day to you, mofos!

i don't know about you, but i'm takin a little trip to target at lunch to get it. so exciting!

wowee wow wow, what a productive weekend.

took care of grocery shopping, finished xmas shopping, wrapped presents, packed stuff that needs to be shipped, ate lots of free food samples at the mall, wrote xmas cards, paid bills, put up the christmas stool, called michelle about fifty bazillion times, shopped online for new swanky couches...

today i also went to the y for their open ice skating session, and lemme just say that oksona bayul better watch her back cuz i'm gonna triple lutz her ass with my mad skating skills if i ever see her in a darkened alley!!

i really was gonna go to bed after snl tonight, but then i flipped channels real quick and found dirty dancing on channel 21. and i. could. not. stop. watching. it.

it cracks my shit up when a movie like that, that i haven't seen since junior high, comes on and i know i've seen if fifty bazillion times but since it's been like 75 years since i've seen it new and interesting questions about the lives of the charaters come to mind.

like in the last scene, when everybody in the joint's dancing to "(i've had) the time of my life", and it fades to black and the credits... the party was just getting started with that one record johnny brought in. what happened after the song ended? did he run back to his place and bring back a bunch of records and they all just had a big fat dirty dancing party til dawn, or did the song end, everyone looking at each other uncomfortably in the silence, and they all just left?

for the answer to this, turn to page 84 in dianetics.

i saw these for the first time at target months and months ago... and at the time they only had the atari one, which had 10 games but none that i was very interested in. a few weeks ago they started selling the namco one and i started drooling, because i'm a slave for you. and pacman. and digdug.

bought one for my little brother for xmas, and came very close a couple of times to opening the package and going to town on it. but i restrained myself, saying it was only a week til payday, when i could get one for myself, too and have just days and days and days of pacman marathons.

today was payday. and tonight? i picked up my own namco joystick game thingie. and i've sat here in my living room for the past hour trying to figure out how the fuck to get it to work with my older than dirt tv and vcr and it's just being a jerk. so i'm going to bed, and i'm hoping the people at radio shack will be of some assistance tomorrow. emphasis on the ass.

sweet lord i just wanna play some pacman, is that too much to ask?

(you should always end your writings with a question, it's very sex and the city.)

i'm sending you an s.o.s!!! i'm sending you an uh uh uuuuh uh beep beep beep beep!!!

i'm starving. send burgers now!

you all missed a wonderful episode of "Work, Damn You, Work" tonight. here's a portion of the transcription of tonight's show:

***************************
int., night. steph sprawls on shitty office chair in front of shitty old desk with shitty old computer on it. steph turns computer on.

(five minutes later: computer is finally on, earthlink connected, systems are supposedly a go.)

steph: come on, you slow-ass bastard, what's your problem?!!?!

pentium1 with issues: shhhhhhhhh, i'm sleeping.

steph: (loudly)*SIGH* (takes out nail file and starts filing) how freaking long does it have to take you to load the freaking hotmail home page?!?! (continues filing nail. nail is already too short. steph starts filing away at skin, humming to herself. blood gushes.)

(two minutes later: bottom of the screen switches from saying "loading hotmail.com" to "loading msn error no page found blah blah blah")

pentium1 with issues: (quietly, to self) heh heh heh, take that bitch. (rolls over, goes back to sleep)

steph: FUCK!!!!!

(steph restarts computer, starts earthlink, reconnects to internet. five hours later, bottom of screen switches from saying "loading hotmail.com" to "you dumbasses never learn i'm gonna load msn error saying your site's gone you jerko")

steph: dude, what the shit is this?!!? come on!!

pentium1 with issues: I TOLD YOU I WAS SLEEPING! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

(steph restarts computer, starts earthlink, reconnects to internet....)
***************************

and so on and so on. i turned the shit off finally in exasperation and went to watch tv for a while. 2 hours later i came back and everythings fine. or as good as can be expected considering the problems with this machine.

why can't at least one of the computers i work on on a daily basis do what it's supposed to?

okay. tilex is the vilest most nastyass substance ever.

even though it cleans real good.

when you use it in the shower, it will make you feel like you're dying.

but it'll clean so good, you'll think "hmm. small price to pay". and you'll use it every fucking time.

real quick while i'm thinking about it.

s.y.l.s.b. - i figure the l.s.b. part means lonely ska band, but what the hell does the s.y. stand for?!?!

50 points to a full correct answer verified by my sister danielle, so have at it!

okay, a couple of things before i get distracted by the most recent obsession:

1) i'm gonna start a petition that completely eradicates commercials from television. what would this mean to you? you would NEVER have to see another fucking commercial for : the cat in the hat, that damn stealing christmas movie with tony danza, mcdonalds, a weekend without boys good yogurt, and any awards shows that happen to be showing next week.

2) saw secretary tonight and it' s a good flick and you should rent it if you are contemplating a position in the secretarial arts. hahhahahhahahah, i said position. if you saw the movie you'd be laughing.

3) i'm not gonna stand for this random strangers messing around with my blog template anymore!!! (except for the tom brokaw thing, that was pretty cool even though i never got to see it) time for me to venture into the vast possibilities of what the next blog template will be!!! yeehaw!!

4) michelle, i found another fucking note in my house from your trip here in june. yeah you heard me. june. ahaahahaahaahahhhahhhahhhaha

yeah that's it i think i'm out of interesting things to say. did i mention i finished the website this weekend? just under the 2 years in the making mark? i don't know about you, but i'm very impressed and plan to offer my oh so quick and timely web design services to cnn.com because they seem like the kind of company that could use a quick and timely web designer like myself.

please note: this was sarcasm. the last two years of making that fucking website were painful because i'm the last person on earth who should be anywhere near code of any sort. even easy actionscripting code. i took a c+ class in college and every single time i left class it was in tears because i just don't get it. and i tried really really hard to. so if you write to me and ask me to build you a website, i will quickly put my keyboard through your forehead.

happy computing!