lemme catch a ride to rockaway beach

apparently i'm turning into some kind of crazy dog lady,because lately my most interesting things to write about have been involving little jimmy the greek. so let's jump back into illustration friday for the first time in months with one about my dog.

last sunday josh and i decided to take jimmy to long beach's dog beach. it was a crackup seeing him hit the sand for what may have been the first time ever. the first time since we've had him, anyways. apeshit is the word i would use to describe it. batshit also works. anything with shit at the end. he was just crazy about it. we were a little worried about letting him off the beach, because he's still going through obedience classes and what if he doesn't stick near us?

so we figure we'll compromise, we'll let him run around on his 30 foot training leash. gives him plenty of room to tear around, and we still have a hold on him. unfortunately, with all the other dogs the only thing that leash did was get tangled up over and over. so josh and i figure since he's staying fairly close to us anyways and is totally paying attention when we call him, let's try just taking the leash off. it's an off leash is okay sort of dog beach and none of the other dogs are leashed, so let's just see how it works out, we'll keep a really close eye on him.

the first twenty minutes was great - he was super happy to have the run of the place, went from dog to dog, playing and sniffing butts, (the two things he does best) and chasing around josh and i.

and then a seagull came flying by.

and away jimmy went, chasing it.



josh finally caught up to jimmy the greek a half a mile later down the beach. the dog was running so fast i actually was kinda scared he was gone for good.

i did lose my fancy jackie-o sparkly sunglasses; they fell outta my pocket as i was tearin' down the beach after the dog. so yes. the dog is grounded. that bastard!!

beware, according to m&ms this is a little offensive...

no, josh and i have NOT been spending the last 20 minutes on the m&ms website figuring out what you can and can't have printed on those custom m&ms... here's a list of what they consider okay and offensive so far:

completely offensive:
suck it (or anything, you just can't have the word suck at all)
panty raid
butt pirate
boner

family oriented:
vagina
eat me
eat cock
eat her out
eat this vagina
eat weiner
mmmmmmm.... balls
mmm... camel toe
lionel richie
nambla rocks!
your mother
snakes on a plane
blow job
great bj!
underpants
diarrhea
back door man
who's got the clap
happy in my pants
connie lingus
graba$$
$hita$$

that's right, at the end we found out you could beat the system. i don't know about you, but i would TOTALLY pay 40 bucks for 2 pounds of personalized m&ms if they said $hita$$ on them.

i'd rather be sleeping

i love my dog dearly, but damn i wish he'd let me sleep past 7am on weekends. by the time i get up, get him downstairs to do his dirty business and get back upstairs, i am hopelessly awake.

here's my shits and giggles for this week, (a'la tv guide's cheers and jeers):

shits: UPS STINKS!!! i've never had any problems with them until this very week but right at the moment i'm downloading plans on how to make a deeeelicious molotov cocktail to be lobbed at thier corporate office! i had a package they tried to deliver friday the 11th, right? and they left the info notice upstairs on our front door. with the box checked that said i could sign the back and they'd just leave it for me on monday. so i did that, but when they came back on monday, the dude was too lazy to actually come upstairs, where i'd left the infonotice right where he had left it on friday. so he left the second attempt notice on the downstairs front door. what an ASS!!! so i call and tell em hey bring it on thursday when josh'll be home. thursday rolls around, and josh had to run out for a minute, but left signed info notices upstairs AND downstairs, and ups guy didn't even come. or later i found out he had, he just neglected to leave a third attempt notice. GARRRR!!! so i call ups because online the tracking number said it had already been sent back to sender, and aren't they supposed to hold the thing for pickup for a couple of days?!!? they tell me there's nothing they could do. so i talked to the company i ordered my humongous box of porno from and they say they're gonna charge me another 25 bucks to reship. and i'm all FINE, just get me my nekkid ladies as soon as you can. but then, yesterday, i have a notice in my mailbox saying you have a package at ups that we've tried to deliver please come pick it up. WHY DIDN'T THOSE JERKS TELL ME IT WAS SITTING THERE WHEN I CALLED!!! i hate ups!!!

giggles: snakes on a plane. oh my lord, SNAKES ON A PLANE. get your ass out there and see this movie. also, get your ass over to this website and send everyone you know a personalized sam jackson telephone call. i have to tell you jenn and i spent a good hour on friday fucking around with that thing and it was comedy gold. especially sending one to madonna's phone-in confession line.

but i digress. the movie. oh, the movie. i went to a special preview screening last thursday night at 10pm with my sister danielle and some of her friends. the crowd was awesomely boisterous, cheering when the title of the movie came up, when sam jackson's name came up, and EVERY SINGLE TIME THERE WAS A SNAKE ATTACK. and there were LOTS of snake attacks. as it turns out, the most dangerous thing you can do when there's snakes on a plane is go to the bathroom. so i gotta say dammit this movie was TERRIBLE but it was terrible in the newlydeads way, where it's really just terribly entertaining. mostly because samuel l jackson is my boyfriend and he just makes everything awesome!! you best get your butt out there to see it!

shits: i heard an interview on the radio last week about how schools in louisiana are trying to open this fall but are running seriously super short on supplies, simple things like glue or art supplies for the kids you know? and i guess they were saying the government's just not been quick enough with funding to fix the problem, and school's startin' up soon. so this non-profit started to try and get people to help out stocking supplies for these schools. check out things you can send to those schools here.

giggles: jenn's site works again! gods be praised!

shits: you smell!

giggles: there's all kinds of crafty things i need to post pics of soon... stuff i'm making for this december's bazaar bizarre, stuff that'll be in this site's shop if it doesn't sell there. i got my test run of plates in last week and it's so exciting how awesome they turned out! also, michelle and i got turned on to making shrinky dink charms at last weekend's felt club, so i'm coming up with a bunch of those i wanna do, too. they're gonna be amazing, i tells ya!

shits: sometimes my hearing is totally not what it should be. i thought i heard 20 a night was the hotel group rate, but it's 79. which sounds nothing like 20. my ears stink! but if you're needing hotel info, sit tight it'll be sent along this week...

giggles: i haven't flown a kite probably since i was like 5 or 6 down at crystal cove's beach. yesterday i took my neice and nephew down to the beach here in long beach, armed with a trusty spongebob/patrick kite and this sounds so stupid but i didn't know they were that easy to fly... like i thought we were gonna have lots of frustration and running and all of that but as soon as we put that little crosspiece on it and tied the string on it was good to go! so yes. yesterday was an awesome day for kite-flying and general messing around with hailey and jake!

there was something else i was gonna tell you but i've decided to keep that a secret because it's strong enough for a man but made for a woman. when you find out what the secret is, you are gonna fall outta your chair and laugh your ass off because it is AMAZING!!!!

gatorade... more like gaytorade!

after work tonight, josh and i got some popeyes chicken and took jimmy to the dog park with his brand new basketball, and lemme tells ya that dog ran around with this thing for 2 whole hours and still had energy to spare!

this weekend should be cool; pancakes with the family tomorrow morning, felt club tomorrow afternoon, work on invitation design on sunday...

also, last night's rollerskating outing was awesome as always. i took a humongous tumble when i tripped over my own feet, which was my favorite part of the night - it was only a little tiny stumble, but i just went with it, threw myself on the ground and rolled a couple of times, got back up and just skated on while laughing hysterically. the la derby dolls are having a match in a couple of weekends, we may or may not drive out there to check it out. maybe will if tickets aren't too spendy, but maybe not cuz i know there's a wedding coming up soon that we're going to...

and tag at the roller rink rocks. and i wish i had my cell phone on me when i was skating, cuz i totally wanted to call the madonna confession line when they played that song "hung up".

oh crap and i forgot to tell you guys josh and i had the best idea ever for a new business. take your love of roller rinks, and mix it with your love of making an ass of yourself in public, and you know what you've got? ROLLER KARAOKE. we need to make that shit happen somehow. patent pending patent pending patent pending.

also, before i forget, check out some more shirts i found online!

larger size school house rock tee

green school house rock tee

sassy strawberry!

your favorite simpsons character on a tee! no really, every single one you're thinking of is on there. seriously.

DON'T FORGET!

danielle's radio show is tuesdays from 930am-11am!

twelve dollar hot dogs and buckets of soda

as far as summer movies go, i've been pleasantly surprised. that every single thing i've seen lately has been happy good fun times! here's what i've seen so far this summer...

wait i lied, we saw the omen. "the homo, i like to call it," josh just said from the bathroom. that movie just flat sucked. the end. but on to movies that were actually good! ones that i've been looking forward to, and that have totally delivered on awesomeness!

strangers with candy - i don't know if i loved this so much because we'd been waiting soooooo long for the movie to come out, but this was awesome. freaking awesome!!! no other words for it! the point is, you're a racist. that was my favorite line. also, i dug the "i don't have food in my mouth". the funny thing is this movie's not showing in many theaters, so opening night we drove like 25 miles away to see it. the next friday, though, the theater one mile from our house got it, too. bastards. way to get with the times.

clerks 2 - last weekend i watched the first clerks again with my sister danielle, and i don't know if it's because mr. kevin smith's got more years of moviemaking experience under his belt but i actually liked the sequel better. i mean, the first one is always gonna be one of my favorite movies, but the second installment fucking ROCKED. and it turns out that after all these years, i still have a massive crush on randal. shhh. don't tell josh. also, i'm retarded and almost cried a little at the end when they hung the sign outside.

talladega nights, the ballad of ricky bobby - josh and i saw this last weekend with danielle, robert and their friend doug, and it was pretty awesome. not anchorman awesome, not quite, but it was funny and kept me laughing my ass off. the best part, was just before the movie started they had one of those THX bumpers, where they do fancy sound effects to show you that this sound system WILL BLOW YOUR ASS AWAY. this one was watery looking motion graphics type stuff, with a train chugging. it sounded like the train was getting closer and closer CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA and then everything went black and silent. and i yelled "WOOOO! WOOOOO!!!" and we all had a hearty chuckle.

but what i'm really waiting for folks, is mutual-fundin SNAKES ON A PLANE. ohhhhhh the suspense is killing me. my boyfriend samuel jackson, lots of swearing, and a super-cheezy horror movie? i might die a happy woman at the super early thursday night 10pm show we're going to, i just might.

in closing, i'm doing a mountain of laundry and am just about to see the new episode of hells kitchen. also, josh and i have been formulating plans for the future and they're gonna knock your socks off. or at least make you poop yourself! we're very seriously talking about moving to las cruces, new mexico, in the future; it's just kind of a question of when. not for at least a year. but someday. and when we do, we're gonna blow up so many millipedes on bottle rockets it'll make your mom cry. hooray!

i'm walkin on sunshine

my coke can brings all the dogs to the yard