i'd rather be sleeping

i love my dog dearly, but damn i wish he'd let me sleep past 7am on weekends. by the time i get up, get him downstairs to do his dirty business and get back upstairs, i am hopelessly awake.

here's my shits and giggles for this week, (a'la tv guide's cheers and jeers):

shits: UPS STINKS!!! i've never had any problems with them until this very week but right at the moment i'm downloading plans on how to make a deeeelicious molotov cocktail to be lobbed at thier corporate office! i had a package they tried to deliver friday the 11th, right? and they left the info notice upstairs on our front door. with the box checked that said i could sign the back and they'd just leave it for me on monday. so i did that, but when they came back on monday, the dude was too lazy to actually come upstairs, where i'd left the infonotice right where he had left it on friday. so he left the second attempt notice on the downstairs front door. what an ASS!!! so i call and tell em hey bring it on thursday when josh'll be home. thursday rolls around, and josh had to run out for a minute, but left signed info notices upstairs AND downstairs, and ups guy didn't even come. or later i found out he had, he just neglected to leave a third attempt notice. GARRRR!!! so i call ups because online the tracking number said it had already been sent back to sender, and aren't they supposed to hold the thing for pickup for a couple of days?!!? they tell me there's nothing they could do. so i talked to the company i ordered my humongous box of porno from and they say they're gonna charge me another 25 bucks to reship. and i'm all FINE, just get me my nekkid ladies as soon as you can. but then, yesterday, i have a notice in my mailbox saying you have a package at ups that we've tried to deliver please come pick it up. WHY DIDN'T THOSE JERKS TELL ME IT WAS SITTING THERE WHEN I CALLED!!! i hate ups!!!

giggles: snakes on a plane. oh my lord, SNAKES ON A PLANE. get your ass out there and see this movie. also, get your ass over to this website and send everyone you know a personalized sam jackson telephone call. i have to tell you jenn and i spent a good hour on friday fucking around with that thing and it was comedy gold. especially sending one to madonna's phone-in confession line.

but i digress. the movie. oh, the movie. i went to a special preview screening last thursday night at 10pm with my sister danielle and some of her friends. the crowd was awesomely boisterous, cheering when the title of the movie came up, when sam jackson's name came up, and EVERY SINGLE TIME THERE WAS A SNAKE ATTACK. and there were LOTS of snake attacks. as it turns out, the most dangerous thing you can do when there's snakes on a plane is go to the bathroom. so i gotta say dammit this movie was TERRIBLE but it was terrible in the newlydeads way, where it's really just terribly entertaining. mostly because samuel l jackson is my boyfriend and he just makes everything awesome!! you best get your butt out there to see it!

shits: i heard an interview on the radio last week about how schools in louisiana are trying to open this fall but are running seriously super short on supplies, simple things like glue or art supplies for the kids you know? and i guess they were saying the government's just not been quick enough with funding to fix the problem, and school's startin' up soon. so this non-profit started to try and get people to help out stocking supplies for these schools. check out things you can send to those schools here.

giggles: jenn's site works again! gods be praised!

shits: you smell!

giggles: there's all kinds of crafty things i need to post pics of soon... stuff i'm making for this december's bazaar bizarre, stuff that'll be in this site's shop if it doesn't sell there. i got my test run of plates in last week and it's so exciting how awesome they turned out! also, michelle and i got turned on to making shrinky dink charms at last weekend's felt club, so i'm coming up with a bunch of those i wanna do, too. they're gonna be amazing, i tells ya!

shits: sometimes my hearing is totally not what it should be. i thought i heard 20 a night was the hotel group rate, but it's 79. which sounds nothing like 20. my ears stink! but if you're needing hotel info, sit tight it'll be sent along this week...

giggles: i haven't flown a kite probably since i was like 5 or 6 down at crystal cove's beach. yesterday i took my neice and nephew down to the beach here in long beach, armed with a trusty spongebob/patrick kite and this sounds so stupid but i didn't know they were that easy to fly... like i thought we were gonna have lots of frustration and running and all of that but as soon as we put that little crosspiece on it and tied the string on it was good to go! so yes. yesterday was an awesome day for kite-flying and general messing around with hailey and jake!

there was something else i was gonna tell you but i've decided to keep that a secret because it's strong enough for a man but made for a woman. when you find out what the secret is, you are gonna fall outta your chair and laugh your ass off because it is AMAZING!!!!