a couple of years back, there was a made for tv movie that shattered the glass ceiling of made for tv movie mediocrity.

a made for tv movie so terrible, it rocketed right into the realm of awesomest movie ever.

i'm talkin' about a little ditty about jack and diane, two american kids doin' the best they can.

except replace jack and diane with martha. as in martha stewart. as in the movie martha, inc. this movie is the filthiest awesomest funniest movie that ever graced the boob tube. it's right up there with that 80s one i saw on cable about how to become a dallas cowboys cheerleader!

today i went on ebay and bid on a copy of the movie. i'm hoping it gets shipped to me with enough time to watch it before... drumroll please....

someone hand me the envelope...

hm, it seems to be stuck, can i get a scissors?

thanks. that's some lovely heavy-duty paper you've got there. what's that? oh right. read what's on card. where was i - boob tube, 80s one on cable, went on ebay - ah here we go -

i'm hoping it gets shipped to me with enough time to watch it before they air the brand new martha stewart movie about her time in jail! that's right folks, strap yourselves in for the wild ride known as MARTHA: BEHIND BARS!!!

ask josh - i'm not exaggerating when i say i completely freaked out the first time i saw a commercial for this. because the last one was soooooo effin' good. i possibly jumped up and danced.

so mark your calendars, people. on september 25, i don't care what else you have going on. by 9 pm (eastern and pacific - i dunno when it's on if you're central or mountain time zones) you better have your magical gnome hat on, your gourmet popcorn popped, and your ass on that imported silk couch! it's gonna be amazing! i hope it includes tales of how martha made designer shanks and a romantic subplot concerning her cellmate, Shane. (starring crazyhaired chick from the l word.) instructions on how to make fine wines using cafeteria jelly packets and toilet water would also be greatly appreciated!

and now, let me leave you with my favorite martha moment from the first movie masterpiece: