two things that bug:

1) the faintly stinky metallic smell that shows up in my apartment towards the end of the day when it gets misty out.

2) that nothing but fuckin football is on ye olde rabbit ears.

3) being poor

4) i'm completely annoyed that i spent all that time working on my website a few weeks ago and haven't touched it since cuz i just can't focus on one project, i've gotta have fifty billion going at once.

in other news i do quite like halloween and trick or treating. can't wait for tonight! who doesn't love free candy! communists, that's who. and pundits.

so far this morning i'm the only one i've seen at work in a halloween costume... which really kinda bugs, seeing as i normally wouldn't wear a costume to work in the first place. but there's fifty dollars to be won in the costume contest - and since there's a big long laundry list of even dumber things that i've done over the years for just a quarter, it seems like something as simple as wearing my lola from the copacabana costume to work for lots and lots of quarters should not be something that is passed up.

though i would much rather be wearing jeans and a tshirt right now. and if the wig was more like real hair instead of barbie-hair-plastic-y i'd wear it every day.

also, you know how you always see on sitcoms when someone does laundry for the first time and they put a red thing in with the whites and everything just turns pink pink pink? it's not just a joke, it really does happen. i won't tell you how i know that, but i will say the resulting pink bedsheet does look kinda cool.

between the time when i was like 9 or 10 until just recently (yesterday, in fact) i've seen mel brooks' "history of the world part 1" about 762.63 times.

it completely boggles the mind how much of the humor i missed when i was a kid. like when they're trying to figure out if gregory hines is a unicorn - no wait - when they're trying to figure out if he's a unic. i had no idea why that was so hilarious. the end!

oh, paris. i too have a confession.

i read your book. and not only did i read it all in under one weekend, but i liked it. enough to wish i hadn't borrowed it from someone at work. i think maybe the best word for the thing is:

vac·u·ous ( P ) (vky-s)adj.

1) Devoid of matter; empty.
2) Lacking intelligence; stupid.
3) Devoid of substance or meaning; inane: a vacuous comment.
4) Devoid of expression; vacant: “The narrow, swinelike eyes were open, no more vacuous in death than they had been in life” (Nicholas Proffitt).
5) Lacking serious purpose or occupation; idle. See Synonyms at empty.

[From Latin vacuus, empty. See vacuum.]

vacu·ous·ly adv. vacu·ous·ness n.


(thanks www.dictionary.com!)

frenchie honey, don't worry. they may have given up the fight but i never will!!!

this morning i was wondering to myself why i didn't have a chilly-weather jacket.

bit fat crazy down jacket for surviving sub-zero winters, sure.

sweatshirts up the wazoo, of course.

but no warmywarm jackets that don't look totally bumchic to block out 50 degree days.

so over the past couple of days i put together a list of places to try and find a jacket at. and this morning before i started my quest josh said hey, how about trying that 5 for 10 tshirt place? they've got cool dickies stuff for cheap. so i started there. and wondered why the boys dickies jackets came in a lined variety perfect for my purposes, while the girls ones didn't. i guess girls like to freeze their boobs off? so i ended up getting the boy jacket.

then i went to ross, just in case there was something cuter there. and i found this other jacket that was supercool too. but it was longer, and maybe slightly slightly dressier - not like black tie formal gown dressy but i could wear it to, say, mcdonalds or red lobster and not look really sloppy. as i was wandering through the rest of the store i ran into a woman who happily said "you have my jacket!" cuz she had thought it was cute, and then she wasn't sure so she left it where it was. "it's probably a small, though, right?" she continued.

"nope, it's a medium," i tell her.

"yep, then you've got my jacket!" she says.

which is almost like shopping with a girlfriend who says you have a great jacket find in your hands. which is why i bought that one, too, and went from no jacket girl to one with two.

also, currently i'm wearing a mia wallace-esqe black wig, getting all pumped for the workyjerky hween party tonight. stories of shenanigans to follow!

fuck. i just had this big long post i was working on for like the last half hour and then the window crashed. so you don't get to hear what i did this week. which wasn't all that exciting, anyways, except for the part where i got to eat at chik-fil-a for the first time since leaving georgia five years ago!

psst!!! hey you! you want a sneak peek at the website redesign? check it out...

okay we're back with news.

i'm getting a mattress today. mattress on the floor is a step up from airbed on the floor, but still isn't hey guys i bought a bed and will sleep in my very own bed for the first time in almost four years. stay tuned for this late-breaking story to develop.

in other news, the block left while i was in the shower (naked, even!) and the new site is gonna rock. partially because i've found a way to work in a picture of me where it looks like i'm completely bombed out, when in reality i am completely sober but on my way to a party where i got a bit sloshed.

you gotta love the mental blocks, you really do. i sat down at my computer at like 5:45 this morning, all set to burn up the computer working on a redesign for my website, and pluh.

plooo.

nothing.

i can't come up with a damn thing for the layout. nothing quirky and fun, nothing even remotely interesting has come out. so i give up for a little while, i'm going to the gym. get your gold stars and ice cream ready, it'll be the second time in two days.

but before i go, i did go read my webtracker for this blog for the first time in like 6 months today, and it cracks my shit up that people got here by doing a search for the following:

eric estrada your[sic] gay pic
dollywood tshirts
Famous Quotes from Lynard Skinnard[sic]
i am mad stupid halloween costumes .com
920-867-5309
Roscoes Chicken N Waffles Compton, CA
silly hats only don hertzfeldt
los angeles is a horrible place

and last but not least,

monkey business and chimp grams

i dunno about you, but if monkey business and chimp grams was a band i'd join the fan club just for the shirt.

yesterday i got a couple of junk emails saying that i should buy their dvd enlargement system, which i figure through the powers of modern technology turns ordinary dvds into laserdiscs. jenn said it might also make the ween bigger through crazy radiation that would eminate from the television while watching the included dvd.

either way it sounds hinky so count me out!

last night josh and i were running late but we did catch the last half of both my sisters' halftime show and a truly horrid football game. final score was much like other scores i've seen from cypress in the past: 47 to 6. my new cheer goes like this: "STOP SUCKING!"

the caveat with that is there are kids there that actually care about the game so you really just have to cheer my cheer under your breath. and don't move your mouth when you do it cuz these days kids can read lips like it's the latest us weekly!!

at the end of the night, the band went down to the field to play the alma mater and march out and josh and i were just kinda hanging out listening to them and chatting. this mother sitting in front of us, i guess she was kinda weirded out that we knew a bunch of the kids in the band and were saying hi and stuff as they walked down to the field, cuz she turned around and asked "so, did you used to go to cypress?"

"uh, what?" i ask

"did you graduate last year or something?"

i didn't even think about it until later, but pure comedy would have been telling her "oh no, i'm actually going to my 10 year reunion next summer."

oh i had things to say and now i can't remember anything. how lame.

i'll tell you about my insane ebay dealings, that should keep you occupied for a few... this weekend i found a paul frank watch on there for .01 pounds.

".01 pounds?!?!" i said to myself. "that's a deal at twice the price!!"

shipping was like 8 pounds, but when you take everything into consideration, i got a cool skurvy watch for like 14 bucks. it'd be hilarious if, when it came in the mail, my jokes turned out to be true and it was a horrible horrible bootleg Pual Fank watch, and the skull has like three eyes or something.

WOW that was a good story. what else i got... hmm....

possibility of going to the cypress football game tomorrow, and i'm maybe gonna go to color me mine with michelle and the kids this weekend. stay tuned for madcap tales of ceramics zanyness! and possibly halloween party shenanigans to boot! and booze and dope, don't forget the booze and dope!

i love those washington mutual commercials where they talk about how some customer used to basically be a lying scumbag but then they got free checking and now they're freakishly honest about everything... my favorite one is the chick who's selling her house - she's standing outside with her husband and there's a couple lookin at the place and they look up at this balcony thing and say "nice deck" and she's all "not really, we built it ourselves." then she smacks one of the support beams and the whole thing crashes down. good times.

and i wanna know who thought it'd be a good idea to put "father of the pride" on television. that shit is dumb.

as for real stories of the steph patrol, not much going on. worked a lot of overtime today. came home. ate some mac n cheese and drank a beer while doing laundree. did some sewing. now i'm gonna go wash my face. i am full of exciting tales of excitment, i tell you.

my head hurts and i feel like ish. hooray for early bedtimes!

oh i can't wait for halloween. my costume's almost done. almost. just a couple of nip/tucks to ye olde slip and a couple of glued feathers to go!

so i went to this website this morning cuz they always had ultra cheap stuff on sale, and dammit, a moment of silence please.

and it's true what they say, perlo really es bueno.

man i love lazy saturday mornings, where you're eating some crazy good eggs and toast and making lists of all the insane amounts of things you gotta do this weekend...

the neighbor kid in the next yard is taking the garbage out right now, he looks real overjoyed to be doing it.

yes, that's right, i have nothing important to say this morning. st bonaventure's carnival's going on this weekend so maybe i'll go over there with michelle and her family to ye olde elementary school and point and laugh. and then we'll drive by the nunnery playing guns and roses real loud. it'll be just like old times.

this week one of my aunts was in town. i dunno if i've mentioned her before - florence (or flo for short) is really a punctual on time kinda gal, always shows up right when she says she will. she never stays very long, just a few days and then it's time to go see some other independant woman for a funtimes visit, but , while she's in town we just have the best time together!

i always have to get a box of special candy when she comes to visit, and we usually make it through almost an entire box before it's time for her to go. so i had my candy at my house today and then i forgot to put some in my purse for us to eat during work... and i kinda freaked, cuz i don't know about your relatives, but my aunt florence... when you don't have candy for her at candy time it can be a downright emergency.

took a deep breath and thought to myself of who at work could maybe share some of their candy with me - i really, really didn't want to have to ask anyone, you know what i mean? not being prepared for your aunt's sugar cravings is so junior high. thought very briefly about the candy machine in the ladies restroom at work, and dismissed it from my mind because seriously, when are those things ever stocked - and when they are, when have you seen one actually work?!? more time goes by, and my aunt's starting to bitch and moan about how she wants some damn candy. so i figure dammit i'll try the candy machine in the bathroom.

and folks, not only did it work but it carried my brand. auntie flo was so happy!

the moral of the story is i like candy. but the real kind, not the metaphorical kind. damn, i'm hungry.

did i mention i found a crucial part of my halloween costume this weekend for a steal?! it was in the fancypants dress section at macys... ticket price $150, but for you, 25 bucks! oh yeah! halloween's gonna be sweet. i'm off in search of a big crazy boa and a hat with feathers in it!

i don't understand why this fucking bugs me so much, but it really does...

i called up my old retina specialist today to make ye olde yearly checkup appointment, and i got turned away because they don't take my insurance and it'd be hella spendy otherwise. so now i gotta go through my new insurance and find another damn retina dude and start from scratch again.

it's completely exhausting and irritating going to new doctors and having to explain everything that's transpired in the past four years with that eye. it just bugs. shitty hmo insurance sucks. and if i go to this new guy and i have to get a flourescein i'm going to be very upset.

for the academy's consideration:



feedback's more than welcome, especially if you think it sucks! one question - do the little hits of yellow bug you? i've got a version where it's all tonal pinks and blacks and it just doesn't look as cool... also, if you could buy a little 11 x 17 poster of this would you? please? for like a billion dollars?

when i'm president, i will instate a law that says all highschools must play their home football games at their school.

this would be a good law because it would eliminate people from milling around a dark empty high school looking for a game that isn't there.

sorry goes out to danielle and buttknee for missing their homecoming game last night. sucks to your assmar!