notes from work: halloween costume contest

omg guys, i love halloween!

y'all know i'm working full time at hearts and laserbeams now; i was so excited to hear that they have a halloween costume contest! hearts and laserbeams really knows how to treat its employees well, and 1st prize in their yearly contest wins a bottle of wine and a nap on company time. these are both things i feel very strongly about, so i knew my costume had to be tops.

a couple of weeks ago i was looking through a thrift store, and i found it. the winner. perfection. as soon as i saw this polyester blue dress, everything in my field of vision went to soft focus and i heard a heavenly voice say "these have always brought me luck".



it was that moment i knew i absolutely had to be liz taylor circa the white diamonds commercial for halloween.



so this morning, i got to work bright and early and started checking emails. i brought a bunch of rhinestones to spread around my desk for effect, and was feeling very, very sure of myself that this contest was in the bag.


that is, until our receptionist came by my desk to drop off the latest issue of craft magazine.


i couldn't believe it - our new receptionist, steph, had THE EXACT SAME COSTUME AS ME.


"what the hell is this?" i asked her.
"i don't know what your problem is," she replied, "white diamonds liz taylor is huge this year."


"like have you seen steph the janitor?" she asked, "she's liz taylor, too."


"and so is steph in I.T., and our accountant steph," she continued.


well this just sucks! turns out our jerky bosslady's got a penchant for ol' lizzy, too. effing wonderful.


"what the hell you want?" my boss asked "you know i'm tryin to watch people's court."
when i reminded her we were supposed to be having the contest first thing in the morning, she told me to get everyone together so she could judge it real quick during the commercials.


"hmmmm.... this is pretty tough," she says, "you guys all look so... lame."


she continued, saying "yeah i can hardly even tell who you're supposed to be."


she whips out her bottle of white diamonds and yells "obviously my attention to detail means i win, suckas!"


"and lemme just say, i wanna thank all the little people... i couldn't have won this prestigous award without you all looking like crap and i really appreciate that."


with that, she drank the whole bottle of wine and passed out for the rest of the work day.

as soon as she was unconscious, we all stole from her wallet and went home for the day so i guess in the end, everybody wins!

happy halloween everyone!

halloween dog parade recap

it's gettin on down to the halloweeny wire! word on the street is there's going to be a hearts and laserbeams halloween party a day early since the office will be closed on friday, so definitely stay tuned for that...



last weekend josh and i had our dog jimmy in long beach's howloween dog parade, and it was a blasty! we've done the easter parade in the past, and it seems like the number of participants has literally exploded since last time. the parade was supposed to start at 230, and a little bit after 3 we were still waiting in the lineup area because there were just SO MANY DOGS!!!

it's funny seeing just how over the top people get with their dog's costumes, and designing floats for them to ride in and all that. our hands down favorite was the red baron, who got to glide through the parade route in style:



i have no idea how that plane made it down the sidewalks, but i hope they won a prize for being so awesome! maybe in dog parades to come, the organizers will shut down a section of the actual road on 2nd street for the parade since it's gotten so huge - the sidewalks get a little crowded with all the dogs and spectators!

winner of the we'd love to take him home with us award goes to a dog i call pegleg pete - he was a little 3-legged chihuahua, he walked in front of us for the majority of the parade, he was dressed up as a pirate, and he was freaking adorable!!!



for a buttload of cute pics of dogs in costumes, check out the whole set on flickr!

custom hearts and laserbeams fabric on the horizon!

have you heard of spoonflower? i found out about this site through a friend a few months ago - you can basically create your own fabric repeats, send it to them, and order fabric with your artwork printed on it! super exciting because the mix of art and math that comes with a good repeat makes it one of my favorite things ever to do.

the site's in beta mode right now, so if you sign up you do have to wait a while for your invite to go through, but rumor on the street is they'll be up and running for all in just a few weeks!



yesterday i ordered a fat quarter of this plaid i designed a while back - if all goes well, i'll be designing a bunch of different fabrics and offerin em for sale, AND i'll be able to make things like pouches and skirts and aprons and so on completely one of a kind hearts and laserbeams style! SO EXCITING!!!

website fixes wish list - do you know a coder?

i'll level with ya, i'm an artist and not a coder. i've gotten my site off the ground, and am looking for help getting some issues knocked out that i can't seem to wrap my head around. please take a look at the following list and let me know how much it would cost for you to fix all of these for me, along with a time frame on how soon you can get it finished.

thanks so much, i look forward to hearing from anyone who can be of service!

steph calvert

*************

1) the home page link, category links, and top header banner have an extra "/" at the end of the link.

2) blog issues - need someone who is familiar with blogger.

a) the archiving is wonky. clicking on one of the archives pulls up a separate page instead of being pulled up on that blog page. i also need each post to have a permalink so people can share the link and or bookmark it.
b) images from cell phone posts aren't showing up; there's a path that's always incorrect on those posts. once i fix the path the image shows up ok.
c) the time posted for blog post is a link but goes to an error page

3) would like to have easier paths on the address bar throughout the site and don't know how to change that - for example:

i have: https://www.heartsandlaserbeams.com//index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=76_83&products_id=290

Ideal would be: https://www.heartsandlaserbeams.com/accessories/1_inch_buttons

(NOTE: for this one, if it's an easy fix you don't have to go through every page to update the paths, you can tell me how you did the first one and i can fix the rest. this will be a neccessity since i'll be adding new pages and products in the future)

4) ssl issues: on every single page i'm getting a popup saying how "some items on the page are unsecure would i still like to view". i don't think that's supposed to constantly be showing up. i may not have set up my ssl properly, currently the https prefix is on every page and someone told me that may affect search engine results.

5) want the middle of the page (currently light grey) where the products show up to be white instead of light grey.

little bits and pieces...

1) we've been watchin a lot of movies lately!

i saw secret life of bees last weekend without the boy - i generally don't make him take me to chick flicks unless it looks like something that maybe he might be into - like the baxter, that movie ended up being one of our favorites ever. anyhow, he went out hunting last weekend so i went and checked out the latest oprah recommendation. and it was really, really good, loved every minute of it. if you get a chance, totally go. my favorite part was that the movie sort of had a honey-tinged gold color to it. i don't know why i liked that so much; it was just really pretty and subtle and oh dear lord all the scenery in the south is gorgeous. it's a little weird seeing dakota fanning grow up.

sunday night we rented no country for old men, and i know it got really high marks and all that last year but holy crap could not get into this movie. like to josh and i, it pretty much just flat out stunk. and then the next day we ended up at the $3 theater and saw house bunny, which may be the worst movie of all time, but still better than no country for old men. is that possible?

2) one of my photos is on it's way to being in a book!

i got an email from the fabulous folks at www.wefeelfine.org last week, asking permission to use a photo from my blog in an upcoming book of theirs. they scour blogs on the internets and find blog entries that talk about feelings and things, and found my blog entry about when i bought my current printer last summer, and how much i effing love my printer and want to make out with it.

and i had posted a pic of what i did to try out the copier function:



i love love love that this is the photo they want to use. here's the entry they found on livejournal - aside from my own website, i post my blog to myspace, livejournal, facebook, and so on to increase readership and i guess it worked so hooray!!

3) i ordered a photo studio kit off of ebay today so i can take cooler photos of my artstuffs for the shop, so i can't wait for it to get here!

4) i'm hungry

5) you should make me a hamburger!

6) i haven't done a book report in a while; i'm currently reading a marketing book and it's slow going because non-fiction honestly isn't as fun but i'm still gonna finish it and report back. after that it's back to good-ol fiction!

7) i'm still hungry

8)josh's mom sent us a bunch of halloween candy today and i plan on eating every bit of it tonight!

notes from work: jury duty

so yesterday i had jury duty, meaning i didn't have to go in to the office, which was rad.

it was a pretty interesting day - sat in the jury waiting room for 2 hours, and then got called with a group to go into a courtroom. was one of the first ones called up to get interviewed as a potential juror, and as they told our group the specifics of the case, and named all the witnesses prosecution would call, they mentioned four long beach cops. being a cop wife myself, that was the moment i knew i would be cut. and when i had to tell them about myself, and what i do and what my husband does, i really knew i would be cut. and four hours later, i was, so no big fatty 4 day criminal trial for me this time suckas!

it's kinda too bad, i was really digging the inside scoop on people's court style procedures and would've liked to have seen the entire trial... but at least i could get back to work!


so this morning, i got to work and started checking emails.



i was all relaxed, had my proof of jury service certificate sitting there for my boss.



i hear her barge into the office (she's a bit overdramatic sometimes about mornings) - she comes right over to my desk and demands my jury service form.



"calm down pumpkin, it's right here", i told her and handed it over.



"you know this shit looks forged, right?" she said. "didn't you write your name in yourself? this is totally your handwriting. i know your handwriting. did you bring your fifty bucks?"



"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT" i yelled at her, "you guys are supposed to pay me, or not pay me for jury duty days it's not the other way around!"


"listen dude i don't make the rules," my boss says, "all the laws are different when you're self-employed."


"also, did you see that adorable cupcake hat on etsy? i'm totally gonna go buy one right now."


and then to add insult to injury she demanded that our secretary take a photo of her giving me back my jury form all official/graduation day style. my boss is a jerk.

pick up your copy of this week's the district magazine!

i am so jazzed that the district weekly interviewed me for this weeks' "best of long beach" issue - i got to tell them all kinds of great things about living here! the issue hit stands today, so keep your eye out and pick up a copy!

fyi though! i have a bit of a knack for being wordy when i'm excited, so my entire interview isn't in the print edition - for that, you'll have to visit the article online!

the magazine is available pretty much everywhere all throughout long beach for the next week and it's FREE! if you're out of the area and would like one mailed, email me at heartsandlaserbeams@gmail.com and i'll get one out to ya!



in other news, put a slathering of stuff that's been in storage back into the shop between yesterday and today - custom 1" buttons are back, along with cool things like tiny watercolors and outlet covers!

most exciting, i just designed a couple of new plates for the holidays that are fully customizeable - pick either santa or a reindeer, pick your colors, add your own personal message, and pow! a fun gift for any little one (or big one, for that matter)... check em out:





thanks for lookin, stay tuned tomorrow when i tell you all about today's jury duty!

savor the soapy flavor!

i found out about savor months ago, when they were one of the featured sellers on etsy. reading the profile, it was just really intriuging that lots of lisa's inspiration comes from actual real-world recipes. AND they look good enough to eat!


(soapsmells clockwise, from top left: ginger lemon, creme brulee, geisha, my boyfriend's tshirt, pineapple buttercream)

i finally bought some savor soap off of etsy this week, and i give her twelve thumbs up! communication with her customers (something i'm really big on) is tops, her packaging is classy and eye-catching, and shipping is fast! i ended up picking 5 to try out, and i'm totally sure i'll be back - they smell AMAZING!

savor also included a little crocheted washcloth in one of my favorite colors which gives them bonus points - hooray for soapy goodness!

thank you for being a friend!

i just realized like last week that etsy has "appreciation" photos that you can upload as part of your feedback, so i created this today to pass along to customers! once my workshop is up and running again i'd love to redesign these as thank you cards, maybe as a 3 color linoblock print.

new design work is on the horizon, with awesome new holiday items, so stay tuned!

celeb connection number 873

(which makes me sound super popular, like i have 872 other instances i could tell you about)

i'm watching the new my name is earl, and david arquette's on it tonight - did you know he has a painting of mine? my life is full of small world after all stories, check this out!

last fall i was selling my hearts and laserbeamsy wares at a craft fair at the l.a. fairgrounds. sometime around late afternoon, a group of 3 kids (they were actually probably adults, but i still call everyone kids) came walking by, and they pause looking at the couple of original fruit and nuts series paintings i had left. and they start talking quietly to each other, and kinda laughing and one of them says "you should totally buy it for them".



when people stand there talking about something i've done for that length of time it's either really good or really bad, so i go up and say hi and we start chatting. and one of the group pipes up, pointing at her friend, "she works with courtney cox on that tv show dirt, and this week david arquette is directing the episode, so we were thinking about getting this painting for them", pointing to "david, courtney and apple take a bath".

i about pooped my pants and told them they absolutely had to buy it and they agreed and that is that! what's really great is there's a part 2 to the story - i had my stuff set up at the patchwork craft show in santa ana last spring, and a girl comes walking up and kinda looks at me funny. she asks if i was at that show at the l.a. fairgrounds, and i tell her yeah, and she's all "we bought that courtney cox and david arquette painting!" she went on to tell me about how they did give it to them, and that they totally love it and that thier kid cracks up all the time about it.

which is just really kind of neat. i mean i've sold a buttload of my artwork to a lot of people over the past few years, but that i can actually tell you that one of my quirky celeb paintings actually went to the celebs pictured in it? fuckin awesome. the end!

next time i'll tell ya how i saw the austin powers car on the freeway! no lie!

notes from work... the introduction

"notes from work" is really, REALLY exciting - it's a new feature i'll be writing every now and then that'll follow my adventures as a self-employed girl working at home, and i swear it's gonna be amazing!

i got a memo from my boss this morning that i should really start wearing pants to the office, that my pantsless carefree attitude is really starting to make my coworkers uncomfortable, and that if i don't fix the problem immediately i'm lookin at a harassment lawsuit... what does she know it's effing hot out.

in other news, i'm kinda bummed i won't be here for halloween, word around the watercooler is hearts and laserbeams is gonna have a companywide costume contest and the winner gets a bottle of wine and a nap and i could totally use both the end!

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My dog isn't nearly as excited as I am that the Blog is fixed

working it out!

the blog is almost totally fixed, 3 cheers to dao and jenn for their internet expertise!!!

ebert and calvert at the movies!

josh and i hit a couple of movies this week and both were pretty much thumbs up recommendations from us so you should go check em out while you can!

we saw how to lose friends and alienate people on saturday night - i heart simon pegg and you should too, and if you have a chance try and make out with him, and maybe get pictures. and try and sell em to the tabloid mags. and pow! you'll be rich! you should probably share with me when you get lots of money from your racy simon pegg photos since i gave you the idea.

and then this afternoon we advanced token to the old charter center theater cuz it was in the middle of errands we were running, and it's now a shitty old second run theater with cheap $3 seats. and since i haven't gotten rich off my friends making out with movie stars yet (jenn kept all the money she made off the ron perlman pics to herself even though i was the photog on the job), i'm a big fan of a bargain. finally got to see pineapple express and laughed my ass off... but honestly folks, there were parts that ran a little tiny bit long and kind of had me wondering if i would've appreciated the whole movie more if i was a humongous pot head. that being said it was still rad as hell, and the guy in the beginning who's being interviewed by the military while he's smoking out is one of my faves, and even though he's only in it for like 2 minutes it was sweet.

and that was my in depth cultural report, the end.

a serious cry for programming help

ok guys i seriously need programming help and i know there's someone out there that can help me - it's not anything super duper major, but it's beyond my scope of programming expertise (which is, in technical terms, slim to bupkiss). i'm not looin for a free ride here - take a look at my website's blog, and if you can help fix the following four problems i will send you 2 free prints of your choice in the mail!

1: there's something about the twitter code that's pushing the page out too wide, and i need to fix it but am not sure how. take a look at other pages on the website, none of the rest require scrolling left and right to see everything.

2: is there something i can do to put some kind of dividing line between the blog posts?

3: is there a way to format the text that you know of? like i'd like the titles to be bigger and easier to read if that's possible... OR if i could just publish my blog to this page instead of using CaRP that would be super rad, too. that's what i did with my old website and for some reason that wasn't jiving with this new site...

4: BIGGEST ISSUE: i really want my comments back because i heart comments.

now here's the technical mumbo jumbo that may help you solve this crap: i built my website using zencart, and i'm using CaRP to publish my blogspot blog through an rss feed. i know there's a wordpress module for blogging with zencart, but i'd rather not change over to wordpress since i've been writing on this same blog for 6 years.

if anyone can help i'd super appreciate it - i have a support ticket in with CaRP that never got answered (i submitted it like 3 months ago). and remember! if you can help me with all four issues you get 2 free prints of your choice from my online shop!

thanks in advance!

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Hey who wants some nacks? Im at the nack shop, if anyone needs any nacks just let me know!

high heels and flying

i don't remember much about my dream details-wise, but this morning when i was woke up (woken up? waked up? wooked up?) by some loud trucks outside my window, i was in the middle of a dream where i was running in heels - i have no idea why that's significant, but it was a major detail in my dream, and i distinctly remember thinking in the dream "oh shit the movies ain't lying, super heroes really CAN run in heels!"

i kind of think in the dream i was a super hero of some sort, and maybe i was fighting crime in downtown savannah? i'm pretty sure the street i was running down was right around broughton and mlk, but not the nice shiny new broughton - it was the skeevy old broughton from 10 years ago.

and then all of a sudden i wasn't running fast enough so i just took off and i was flying and it was so fucking cool, i've never had a flying dream that i've remembered! i remember being a little freaked out and just flying higher and higher through the clouds, and it was morning and it was awesome.

i don't remember fighting any bad guys, it's possible i was having too much fun flying and i just let them get away with whatever shenanigans they were up to. the end!