notes from work - the thanksgiving edition!

ok so with tomorrow being thanksgiving, i have like a billion things on my to do list today - i thought i was being smart, and tried to get a bunch of it done before work. which left me running late to the office, as usual.


and of course, strangeness from the moment i get to my desk.


who the hell would leave a frozen turkey sitting on my laptop?!!?


i mean, there's all kinds of water, ice, condensation, things that are generally BAD FOR COMPUTERS!!! almost everyone here at hearts and laserbeams headquarters is pretty competent, so there's really only one person it could be--


and JUST as i was thinking that, guess who's boss comes breezing in.
"HI!!!" she says brightly... too brightly... i couldn't help thinking to myself what the eff is going on?!


i guess she could read that all over my face, cuz the next thing outta my boss's mouth was "what's your problem?" so i ask her what this thing is on my desk.


"mmmm, looks like a frozen turkey, genious," she says, "you oviously can't work like this why don't you go home early?"


"what are you talking about? i just got here," i tell her.


"whatever, happy thanksgiving, give me a hug and get out of here! but be here before 4am on friday, i'm going to kohls to buy gloves on sale and i want someone in the office just in case."

so... do i win because i got to go home early, or do i lose cuz i have to be here at 4am friday? i dunno... i'm just thankful my boss isn't a jerk ALL the time. have a great holiday folks!

notes from work: halloween costume contest

omg guys, i love halloween!

y'all know i'm working full time at hearts and laserbeams now; i was so excited to hear that they have a halloween costume contest! hearts and laserbeams really knows how to treat its employees well, and 1st prize in their yearly contest wins a bottle of wine and a nap on company time. these are both things i feel very strongly about, so i knew my costume had to be tops.

a couple of weeks ago i was looking through a thrift store, and i found it. the winner. perfection. as soon as i saw this polyester blue dress, everything in my field of vision went to soft focus and i heard a heavenly voice say "these have always brought me luck".



it was that moment i knew i absolutely had to be liz taylor circa the white diamonds commercial for halloween.



so this morning, i got to work bright and early and started checking emails. i brought a bunch of rhinestones to spread around my desk for effect, and was feeling very, very sure of myself that this contest was in the bag.


that is, until our receptionist came by my desk to drop off the latest issue of craft magazine.


i couldn't believe it - our new receptionist, steph, had THE EXACT SAME COSTUME AS ME.


"what the hell is this?" i asked her.
"i don't know what your problem is," she replied, "white diamonds liz taylor is huge this year."


"like have you seen steph the janitor?" she asked, "she's liz taylor, too."


"and so is steph in I.T., and our accountant steph," she continued.


well this just sucks! turns out our jerky bosslady's got a penchant for ol' lizzy, too. effing wonderful.


"what the hell you want?" my boss asked "you know i'm tryin to watch people's court."
when i reminded her we were supposed to be having the contest first thing in the morning, she told me to get everyone together so she could judge it real quick during the commercials.


"hmmmm.... this is pretty tough," she says, "you guys all look so... lame."


she continued, saying "yeah i can hardly even tell who you're supposed to be."


she whips out her bottle of white diamonds and yells "obviously my attention to detail means i win, suckas!"


"and lemme just say, i wanna thank all the little people... i couldn't have won this prestigous award without you all looking like crap and i really appreciate that."


with that, she drank the whole bottle of wine and passed out for the rest of the work day.

as soon as she was unconscious, we all stole from her wallet and went home for the day so i guess in the end, everybody wins!

happy halloween everyone!

notes from work: jury duty

so yesterday i had jury duty, meaning i didn't have to go in to the office, which was rad.

it was a pretty interesting day - sat in the jury waiting room for 2 hours, and then got called with a group to go into a courtroom. was one of the first ones called up to get interviewed as a potential juror, and as they told our group the specifics of the case, and named all the witnesses prosecution would call, they mentioned four long beach cops. being a cop wife myself, that was the moment i knew i would be cut. and when i had to tell them about myself, and what i do and what my husband does, i really knew i would be cut. and four hours later, i was, so no big fatty 4 day criminal trial for me this time suckas!

it's kinda too bad, i was really digging the inside scoop on people's court style procedures and would've liked to have seen the entire trial... but at least i could get back to work!


so this morning, i got to work and started checking emails.



i was all relaxed, had my proof of jury service certificate sitting there for my boss.



i hear her barge into the office (she's a bit overdramatic sometimes about mornings) - she comes right over to my desk and demands my jury service form.



"calm down pumpkin, it's right here", i told her and handed it over.



"you know this shit looks forged, right?" she said. "didn't you write your name in yourself? this is totally your handwriting. i know your handwriting. did you bring your fifty bucks?"



"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT" i yelled at her, "you guys are supposed to pay me, or not pay me for jury duty days it's not the other way around!"


"listen dude i don't make the rules," my boss says, "all the laws are different when you're self-employed."


"also, did you see that adorable cupcake hat on etsy? i'm totally gonna go buy one right now."


and then to add insult to injury she demanded that our secretary take a photo of her giving me back my jury form all official/graduation day style. my boss is a jerk.

notes from work... the introduction

"notes from work" is really, REALLY exciting - it's a new feature i'll be writing every now and then that'll follow my adventures as a self-employed girl working at home, and i swear it's gonna be amazing!

i got a memo from my boss this morning that i should really start wearing pants to the office, that my pantsless carefree attitude is really starting to make my coworkers uncomfortable, and that if i don't fix the problem immediately i'm lookin at a harassment lawsuit... what does she know it's effing hot out.

in other news, i'm kinda bummed i won't be here for halloween, word around the watercooler is hearts and laserbeams is gonna have a companywide costume contest and the winner gets a bottle of wine and a nap and i could totally use both the end!