jenn's resignation was tendered yesterday, and what a tender moment it was. applications for a new partner in oshsuck crime now being accepted. must be willing to work for free, some weekends and overtime, must be fine with casual swearing and subversive flippage to bad drivers, must be fluent in thumbs-downing protesters of any kind and dressing up like a pirate whenever necessary. resume must include five instances where you broke the law, and one instance where you got caught. must be thrift store savvy, or just plain savvy, must be down with junior senior and must have a computer with a keyboard much nicer than mine. applicant must also be well-versed in all television and music, as i have much catching up to do on pop-culture from the years 1977 - 1995. also must be up on latest trashy tv trends like the oc as well as movie classics like dirty dancing. applicant must have experience watching bold and the beautiful, a cat that will make out with me, and be able to share plans to get the fuck outta the midwest.

five million dollars or a russell stovers 4-pack sampler box will be accepted in lieu of aforementioned experience.