i've got to share this big ol' chunk of email i got from maria this morning with y'all, in the spirit of hearing a couple of times this weekend how much people enjoy reading her comments among all of jenn and i's jackassery...

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I took some reading with me when I went to New York, and I wanted to share what I learned with you.

Because I am taking toxicology right now, I have many different articles about toxins to read (what a useless sentence). I purposely took the "Caustics and Batteries" article with me because of YOU--you are always making these jokes about drinking Drano, so I figured I should read about it to find out just what would happen.

So yes. I've been thinking about you.

Drano is an alkaline solution--and alkalis actually cause more tissue damage than acids. Not only will it damage the surfaces of tissues, but it will also penetrate into the deeper layers and basically liquify the stuff underneath.

Thus, if you really did decide to drink Drano, your esophagus would turn bright red with inflammation, then swell up, and then the cells would die a quick death. Ulcers will appear where the Drano contacted your esophagus. The tissue that can recover would begin to scar over, and, as a result, your esophagus would shorten (think of the scabs and scars you have gotten on your elbows and knees--sometimes the skin seems tighter, don't it?).

If the Drano penetrated your esophagus enough (and managed to hit the entire circumference), the diameter of your esophagus would shrink, resulting in something called a "stricture". Instead of having lots of space in that tube that is your esophagus, the tube would shrink down and it'd have the diameter of a #2 pencil--if not less. Not only does that cause problems with swallowing, but the esophagus could tear open. That's really bad.

For those people who do drink Drano and survive for a long time, their risk for esophagus cancer shoots super-high--apparently 1000 times higher than the general population. The cancer seems to show up about 40 years after the Drano ingestion.

And, if you did decide to drink Drano, it would hurt. A lot. "Severe pain on contact." You'd probably barf, that's how terrible it would be. And if you did barf, there's the chance that you might choke and accidentally breathe in the barf/Drano mixture. And inhaling Drano is bad news, too, because you'd be damaging your lungs. That's really bad, too.

So. Now that you know a bit about Drano ingestion, I hope you never do it. Because I'd be very sad and the docs at the hospital would be freaking out.

Just providing a public service announcement,

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Maria Chimichanga (last name changed to protect the innocent)

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so there you have it - i assure you drano is just as refreshing as her findings!