happy national wilson phillips day!

to celebrate today, how's about you go check out some wilson phillips type fare?

fan site

another fan site

the rolling stone bio

the lyrics

of course i saved the best for last - how's about you learn to play their songs yourself!!! with the official wilson phillips sheet music!!

i do have to say i'm a little disappointed that my holiday wasn't made official by the local or national governments, and that it didn't get more press. but there's always next year, and i plan to start campaigning tomorrow, so hold on to your hats and glasses, it's gonna be bigger than christmas.

(all this work... imagine the holiday i could come up with for a band i actually liked...)

so in pilates tonight, the sub instructor was very intent on explaining in detail how to do different things. to the point where she would go around the room and check and make sure the 15 or so people that showed up were doing the technique right. as she walked around the room she would tell us that after she passed us we could rest.

i was the end of the line every time, so i made a joke about how she should start checkin out my end of the room first. a couple of the ladies near me chuckled, cuz they're in the same boat, right? the teacher was very very serious about what she was doing and completely misunderstood and started talking about how she'll give more attention to our side of the room during the next exercise, because she thought we were all annoyed that we were being ignored.

we really just wanted to be lazy.

at the end of the class, for the last five minutes, she had us relax. which entailed lying on our mats, turning the lights out, closing our eyes, listening to her talk about relaxing our bodies, and falling asleep. she tells us that (insert culture that invented yoga/pilates here, i was busy falling asleep) have tones that they listen to while they're doing this and i start picturing her taking out a little fisher price xylophone and playing some notes while we relax and i swear i'm the worst human being ever, because when she started singing to her pilates class i just wanted to bust up laughing, apologize for being an insensitive bastard, and walk out.

after that we were told to stretch and sit up, and she told us some more about how that culture whose name i missed had a word that they said to each other at the end of a yoga or pilates session... and here she's trying to be all new age meditation guru, and it just came out sounding really funny:

"in (culture name), they say (foreign word i can't remember) to each other at the end of "ATTENTION YMCA STAFF - JOE SCHMOE TO THE SHARK TANK, JOE SCHMOE TO THE SHARK TANK" sorry about that, at the end of class, and it means (something about my light bows to your light or something like that)"

what is my point? poo lattes is great, especially when no one farts on you, and i think everything is hilarious. the end.

garden grove can suck it, my friends.

okay so i'm a relatively new soap-watcher. and the only one i do watch is bold and the beautiful, and i know it's completely stupid and that's why i watch it...

they just cast a new bridget and didn't really tell anyone. (unless you go to the website. which i don't. shifty eye shifty eye.) and it's creepy watching new bridget because there was nothing in the script as to why she's got a new face. she just changed heads at a party or some shit. like a barbie doll - you know how you can just pop their heads off and trade em with other barbie dolls?

i'm standing by my belief that the role shoulda gone to bubbles the chimp.

so i went to the gym last night, and that was like the last useful thing i did. got home around 630, ate dinner, got a tiny tiny start on drawing funny hot dogs, got tired, watched some of center stage, switched over to channel 21 for traffic, meant to do some other artstuff (involving my new nibs, bwahahahahaha) but fell asleep instead.

if you haven't seen center stage, you should watch for the next time it plays on oxygen, because hot damn that shit is just as funny as when my sister michelle and i went and saw it in the theater. there's another ballet-drama-piece-o-crap coming out soon called the company, and we can't wait. i blame white nights, and also possibly that nadia comenichi biopic we were addicted to as kids.

oh and p.s., National Wilson Phillips Day is this saturday, don't forget! celebrate like you mean it!

things of note from over the weekend:

- when making a new recipe like maria's pasta with garlic and spinach sauce, make sure you read the quantities of what's going in it beforehand, so when you decide to double the recipe you don't end up with an obscene amount of food.

- if you were born in the year of the horse you better know how to donkey kick or jenn'll make sure you get served! and then she'll drop the great gatsby on your ass! cuz she's fired up!

-working on saturday is, was, forever will be, completely gay.

- defrosting the freezer is hard work if you don't do it regularly... the inside of my sorta old freezer gets super icy, and the note inside it says hey get rid of the ice when it's about a quarter-inch thick. my dumb ass never thinks about it until it's four inches thick. it takes like 3 hours to get it all out. what a pain in the ass. was made slightly easier this time with the help of a barbeque splatula and a hair dryer. special note here, kiddies - make sure all that extra water's sopped up and you're wearing rubber soled shoes and are not standing in a puddle of used-to-be-ice-in-your-freezer-water, cuz that would probably end about as nicely as drinkin drano cocktails.

- i have misplaced my nibs! no, not those nibs, those are right where i left em... the ones for drawing with india ink... i can't for the life of me remember what i did with em last time i used them. it's entirely possible i accidentally washed them down into the garbage disposal. no big shakes, they're like a buck a piece if that and i can just get some more at lunch, but that i lost em in the first place is lame. damn i'm lame.

- my visits to local knitting stores makes me want to have more money to spend on yarn. damn this paying off bills. so far i like fond du lac the least - big open airy store but not very friendly employees. appleton's too small and crampy, neenah's nice and friendly so they come in first. i heard about a cool place in madison, hopefully this weekend will check it out if shenanigans of the madison type are goin on.

- another important life lesson where i pass the savings on to you: i tried hand washing some stuff for the first time a little over a week ago. and i have this book that says during the final rinse, you should add just a little vinegar so the soapscum is completely removed. that just a little is very important. cuz otherwise you'll end up with vinegar-stench sweaters just like me. WEEEEEEEoooooooo (that's the stinky noise)

- oh my god and i'm so flippin excited about the pig and fusspot freelancing... i got my first assignment from them this morning and hot hot hot i can't wait til i get home tonight to draw up a bunch of funny shit! i've also got to get back on working on kathy's wedding pic, so i can't forget to replace my nibs (no, not those ones! they're serving me quite well thanks!)

and now if you'll excuse me, i'm going to go be subjected to more ergonomic scapegoat hell. the end.

man this weather better fuckin warm up soon or i'm gonna drop the great gatsby on someone's ass!!!

i got an email from pig and fusspot this morning. they dig my artsy fartsy website and linked to it on their site, and i'm maybe (hopefully) gonna do some tshirt designs with 'em. repeat after me, kiddies:

freelancing iz fun!

also, things are heatin' up over here - it was negative 15 degrees when i left for work this morning according to the fine folk at good day wisconsin. time to break out the bikini.

who likes negative twenty two degrees (with the windchill) weather?

seriously. if there are people out there, aside from the polar bear club freaks, who enjoy this shit i want to meet 'em. and kick 'em in the nads.

the best and worst news can be found on page 14 of the latest rolling stone, the one with the oh so sexy howard dean in drag on the cover. (or that's how he ended up last night after a sharpie makeover courtesy of steph and jenn steph and jenn everybody loves steph and jenn)

best - with a little work and some looking through old papers and such, you too can get up to ten bucks back if the class-action lawsuit about too-high cd prices gets settled. it is a bit of work to get on the pay me list, but hey. it's ten bucks. check it out.

worst - apparently ryan seacrest is replacing casey kasem on america's top forty. this long distance dedication is from me to you, mr. seacrest: bite my ass.

and now for some various friday tidbits:

avast danielle, ye wanker didn't fit on the blasted cuff so it was forced to swab the poopdeck and walk the plank. if ye be not satisfied with this design ye be facin' the same fate:




in the flurry of soup recipe trading that's been going on lately, i got this mucho tastyo one from michelle:

***********

Yeah well I have a special recipe for you..

I like to call it Craponastick.

1-2 servings;  5 minutes to prepare

1 steamy pile of poo
1 stick

Insert stick into poo.
Enjoy.

**********

i'm superjazzed about lia and mercy's cakewalk tomorrow night, though i haven't decided what to make yet - the finalists are the log with random shit on it, the pacman cake, or the severed human leg cake. research and ideas are still being gathered, the final deliberation will be done tonight over soup and beer and a very special boston public. pictures of the cake travesty that comes outta my kitchen to follow.

some things never change.

like my mother.

scratch all the shit i said last night. nothing's changed. i'm still the good kid, michelle's still the bad kid, my mom's still hiding behind the "what about me, how do you think i feel."

you know what? at the moment i really don't give a fuck. because after everything that's happened how about you take a second and ask yourself how do you think we feel.

the whole thing's weird and hard to put into words. i'm finding that i'm still really, really angry about the way she's constantly treated us like lesser beings that didn't matter. it's all starting to come out now; how do you move past that part and how she's probably still not listening to what's being said and start to move on to some semblence of a relationship?

i have no idea why wilson phillips keeps coming up in conversation but they do.

hence my grassroots campaign to make january 31st national wilson phillips day.

in the spirit of the upcoming holiday, i have a confession to make. freshman year of high school, i bought aaron a copy of the wilson phillips tape for some gift giving type of holiday.

but that's what national wilson phillips day is all about. go out and buy a copy of the tape (preferably used so less money is used) and give it to someone who would truly hate it.

isn't it time we jerks got a holiday, too? hold on for one more day and write to your congressman and it'll happen, my friend.

oh yeah, also blogspeak can suck it, haloscan's the way of the future, baby. welcome the new commenting code like a long lost friend.

okay i don't even know exactly how it got started, but my mom called tonight.

yes. i know. i was thrilled, too.

it was more about how she doesn't agree with the therapist that brittanie's seeing, for very valid reasons. like the therapist thinks it should be okay for my 15 year old sister to be able to just "hang out and do whatever" until midnight.

and she was telling me how the therapist kept making her feel like she was a terrible parent, how she wasn't doing anything right, blah blah blah. and she commented on my silence. damn right i was silent - i can't really completely disagree and say hey you were mom of the freaking year. and slowly but surely, i started talking more and more.

what started as a conversation about how we kids as a whole felt slowly started shifting to how i felt. and i told her about how i did feel jealous that brittanie was in counselling, that i wished i had had someone to really talk to like that. my mom said "well you did go to a counseller". i told her no, i mean high school.

no blow by blow transcriptions for you - that comes when you send me a self addressed stamped envelope with 5 dollars for my troubles. i will continue with a gross generalization of the hour and a half that followed, though.

once i started talking about high school, and how i really didn't start standing up for myself until college, things just came out. so many examples of how she hasn't listened to her kids in the past and even the present. so much talk of the tension between her and michelle, and how i do not want to hear about what a bad person michelle is anymore. a lot of horrible revelations about what really happened with ken. and why i never told her. and that there was never a "lying streak" when i was a kid. it's all a little of a jumbled mess - so much was talked about tonight. and unfortunately i didn't get out everything - i realized after the phone call that shit, i forgot to bring up some super-crucial things like us kids constantly having to hear how she's tired of being a parent... it's hard to remember everything that's caused the tension in my 26 year relationship with my mom within one impromptu gutspilling.

i felt bad that she cried so much, but i also felt good about it, if that's not too terribly horrible to say. that she knows what she did. that she seemed to listen for once without turning things around like they were my fault.

at the end of the phone call i asked her, as hard as it was, to talk to michelle. "she doesn't talk," my mom said.

"she will. you just have to listen."

in about 7 minutes the mom-michelle phonecall begins, and hopefully with it will come at least a little bit of healing for them as well. god, doesn't that sound so very "very special episode"? it wasn't a cure-all, i'm well aware of that. the issues are long-standing and the cuts are deep. my mom and i aren't suddenly going to be bestest friends in the whole world. i don't know if we'll ever be able to make her understand what we're talking about when we kids say Justin could've been helped before he went so completely out of control. i've still got things to hash out with her on a few other topics, too.

i don't know if our family will ever be completely okay. times like this make me feel a little better about it, though.

i have a hot dinner date involving syrup tonight! ooooo it's so good!!

p.s. the comments are broken, so get over it. according to the kid who runs blogspeak, they'll be back someday.

dehdohdee2: hey you know when you go to blogger.com and on the home page there's links to blog type articles of interest

wedge013: I feel bad usually when it isn't funny

dehdohdee2: IF ANYONE EVER THOUGHT GIVING ME "THE GIFT OF BLOG" WAS A GOOD IDEA, I'D FUCKING KICK THEM IN THE NADS

wedge013: lol

dehdohdee2: especially if it was valentines day or some shit like that.

**********************

psssst. i have a really good secret. you probably already know what it is, because i was damn giddy about the possibilities earlier. but don't tell anyone. cuz then it's not a secret anymore. shhhhhhhhhhh. it.

this one time my brother brandon and i were sitting next to each other in the middle row of my mom's red Atomic Jellybean minivan, and we would sit really far apart and make like sesame street with swear words, and put our heads together, saying the words faster and faster, like so:

me: "shhhhhhhhhhh"
brandon:.........."it"

faster and faster, you get the idea. try it with your friends. it's damn hilarious.

i really, really should go to bed. the end.

all you need to know is i'm a damn dirty liar and i haven't gone to bed yet.

also important to know:

jeffery ross: kinda cute and quite funny

carson daly: exactly the opposite.

good nite, moon.

congrats to danielle, who has made her first foray into cutting, pasting, and debugging html code and now has the hottest blog on the web aside from www.hotnekkidblog.blogspot.com.

i don't say that because i made the template; i say it because i'm madly in love with mr. west.

hey adam - call me, baby.

and now it's on to my favorite nighttime drink:




that's right, it's drano baby! glug glug!!!

mostly of interest to brian, but maybe of interest to others as well...

the reason season 1 of 24 was so choppy, like first half (before the ass ass ination attempt) and second half (after the ass ass ination attempt) is that fox didn't actually buy the whole season right off the bat. they didn't know for sure that it was going to be a hit show, so they only made 13 episodes. and in each season the writers only write 6 episodes at a time. so there you go. mystery solved. still the best season.

i can't fucking believe they brought back nina meyers AGAIN this season. how fucking gay. i'm still watching, mostly out of curiousity - how many other old plotlines they can ressurrect before my television explodes in protest?

work is almost over for the day and that means it's time to party down with the party clowns. i love it.

i've been eating an unnatural amount of soup lately.

stop and think. if we've ever gone out somewhere to eat anything at all, when was the last time you saw me eat soup of any kind?

yes, that's right. never would be correct.

except that i've had soup a couple of times for lunch last week, and have eaten it every single day for lunch so far this week. and i'm about to go home and eat some more.

your assignment is to leave your favorite kind of soup in the comments so i can broaden my lunchy soup horizons. doctor's orders.

(disclaimer: dr. stephanie gogoblatz is not a real doctor, she's just a nationally certified ass.)

check out my fancy new title! use it wisely or suffer the consequences!!!

i don't understand why i can't have normal papercuts just like everyone else - why do my papercuts all have to be gushers?!?!

hold on to your hats and glasses, this here's the wildest ride in the west!!! i promise this entry will be much more exciting than yesterdays!

woah lookout!! there goes a ninja!

that was close, you almost got the shit beat outta you!!! here, sit down on this stool...waAAAAAAAHHHHH?!?!!? crap!!! sorry about that, the stool was riddled with termites! do you need an ambulance? you seem to have busted your ass! what's that? you're fine? where'd that crack come from, then?

colombia??! you bought your crack in columbia!!! what have i told you! the best crack cocaine can be found in the los angeles greyhound station at 3am!!! you never ever listen to me! not my fault you're smokin low grade crack, my friend. i tried to tell you. you just never listen.

so today i robbed a bank, competed in the finals for the us women's gymnastics team, cured fingernail cancer, changed my earrings, painted a big dollar sign on the hood of my car, mailed a shitload of paper to california, ate my weight in black and white m&ms, flipped off a bus full of blind kids, went with jenn to try my hand at poo lattes, flew in a hot air balloon across the state and back in 30 minutes (or your money back), froze my ass off for the total of 10 seconds i was actually outside in the 10 degree weather (-11degrees with the wind chill equals a very angree steph), threw a couch out the window, saved ten old ladies from a burning house, and made a fish brick, veggies and rice for dinner.

you only wish your life was as action-packed.

hey danielle - you just go into your blog, and at the top right corner there should be 3 tabs - posts, settings, template. click on template. there should be 3 tabs under that - click on the left one, that says main template. delete all of the text from that box, and copy and paste everything from the text file i sent you into the same box. click on save.

then click on the posts tab on the top right - that brings you back to the screen where you'd normally type shit. type some shit, click post and publish and wham bam thank you ma'am you're done.

or you can email me your blogger login name and password and i'll take care of everything for ya - either way is cool.

okay i have got to go to bed early tonight so no online im fun for me. for cuz i have to get up early tomorrow.

why?

oh, i have to take the car in to get checked out.

why?

oh, some jackass thought it'd be fun to give me a nice happy new year rear-ending yesterday. no visible damage, and seems to be running just the same as always, but you can't be too sure. hence the car doctorb early tomorrow morning. wheeeee.

no resolutions yet except for these two:

1) get a vhs or dvd copy of valley of the dolls, for the movie is campy sixties fun oh boy!

2) start editing my writing. i like having the archives up, but since they are public i think it's perfectly acceptable to go back and refine the writing and shit. for starters, lets see how i did on last years resolutions.

more resolutions tomorrow, i promise. it's my new years resolution to you! now get outta here, i'm going to bed. but first i gotta do my leg stretches and have some lovely red dolls!!!