Okay everyone can rest easy, I know the real reason there's such a brouhaha in the south over the Ten Commandment monument. It makes sense, really.

What the hell are you gonna do with 2 huge stone tablets once the Supreme Court tells you you can't keep them in the lobby of your courthouse anymore? It's not really the type of thing you just throw in your garage to collect dust. Unless you're a heathen bastard, of course.

If the whole thing was my problem, I'd stop arguing with everyone and just do something else with the monument. 2 things come to mind:

1) Get some table leg sets from Ikea, attach to stone tablets, have people over for fancy Last Supper type dinner party.

2) Lean them up against the house, and invite the neighborhood kids to check out your new medieval Super Slide. (Keep first aid kit handy)

3) Knock out a wall of house, replace with custom-engraved rock.

4) Sell house. Lean the two tablets up against each other all house-of-cards like and move into that. God would've wanted it that way.

5) In the middle of the night, leave the tablets in random places around town until a court orders to have them removed. Suggested places to leave them include a pumpkin patch, the cereal isle of local grocery store, or in front of favorite church.

6) Open a freak show, and print up posters touting the wondergirl who sleeps on a bed of rock. When someone stops by to say that's not so great, tell him it's engraved rock. Watch his face fill with wonderment. Charge extra admission.

7) Put humongous stone tablets up for sale in the Pennysaver. Use proceeds to buy smaller monument that people won't notice so quickly.

8) Drag 1 engraved tablet into backyard, balance on short end. Put tomatoes, chilies, onions, and cilantro on ground. Tip stone over. Pull stone back up. Enjoy tasty ground-salsa. (Avoid pet dog's high traffic areas, may end up with crappy salsa)

9) Balance on head to further modelling career.

I'd put a number 10, but I really think way too many people have ripped off that gimmick. So you're stuck with just the two alternatives, both of which beat going through a court battle hands down. Both of which may also end up sending me to h-e-double-hockeypuck.