Princesses do not kick ass.

Princess Leia is the exception.

But as a rule, the princesses in stories and fairy tales I grew up with as a kid did not kick any sort of ass whatsoever. Maybe I was reading the wrong books? But princesses did not fight anyone cool, they did not solve murder mysteries and they sure as hell didn’t do their own stunts. I don’t think back then princesses were even given stunts. In fairy tales, which is pretty typical reading material for little girls, princesses wear frilly dresses and wait around for the prince to come along and save them from the tower, the dragon, the wicked witch’s spell, the evil speck of dirt threatening to spoil the entire evening.

I guess being a fairy tale princess always just sounded more like it’d be a boring pain in the ass than anything. (I have a point, stay with me here) Which is why I don’t agree with Joe Millionaire. I wish they had a disclaimer at the beginning of the show, or better yet, I wish they had a message that continually flashed at the bottom of the screen. It would read something like “Views expressed by bimbos on screen do not reflect the opinions of the rest of the female population.” Not every woman has wanted to be a princess since she was a little girl, and for some reason every time they show that clip of that girl saying otherwise it pisses me off more and more.

Not that I never thought about being a princess – my sister Michelle and I argued over who got to pretend to be Princess Leia all the time. She was a good big sister, and to avoid more fights she always agreed to be Leia’s sister, Princess Tutti-Fruiti.

That’s not my point. My point is Joe Millionaire pisses me off. The whole premise of the show pisses me off. The only reason I had it on was because it came after Boston Public, which is one of the highest quality television shows available to the general public. It teaches important life lessons, like how to break bottles and brandish them at people when they don’t understand why you’re in a gang. There’s something I’d sit down and watch on Joe Millionaire – let’s have all the women break beer bottles and fight to the death. The winner gets to shove her beer bottle in Joe’s neck for being an ass and agreeing to do this stoopid show. Then, because even if you win you lose, the last woman standing will be dragged out into the street and shot.

The answer’s simple, and I know it – stop watching it. But I’m curious to see just how bad it’ll get, and next week’s the last episode so I won’t ever have to watch it again. I’m going to go read now – possibly something I should have done instead of cleaning house and watching Joe Millionaire – I got this cool book about dreams from the B&N last weekend, and it’s chock full of interesting tidbits about sleep and such. Maybe by the end of it I'll understand my fucked up dreams more? That could be scary.