next week i'll be trying out the train/bus system for the first time, going from long beach to the santa monica area. i had posted a myspace bulletin asking people for tips and tricks if they knew anything helpful that i maybe didn't see posted on the websites i had visited, and lo and behold my good friend justin rueff of
the ruckus had a list of gems. for the betterment of all public transport users, i post them here. read them, learn them, live them. especially the part where justin gets presents, he loves that shit:
tips for using public transport1.Don't distract the driver. He has an important job to do.
2.Don't fall asleep, you'll get mugged. That will make you miss your stop.
3.Don't make out with dudes under a blanket. The other riders will think poorly of you.
4.Wash your face. You should not travel with a dirty face.
5.Familiarize yourself with all escape routes in case of zombie outbreak on the train.
6. If you are on a bridge and the train jumps the tracks, don't panic. Usually Spiderman will come to your rescue in an exciting climactic scene where his mask rips off his face, and it's your duty as a citizen to say, "don't worry Spiderman, I'll protect your identity."
7. If the train should jump the track, do you want your money back? Yes? No? or Maybe-so?
8.Y-E-S spells yes and you are not it, you dirty old dish rag you.
9.Update your will to include giving all of your art supplies to Justin before leaving the house always.
10. If you decide to read a book, make sure it's one with a hilarious title like, "I fucking Hate the other people on this bus - by Steph Calvert"
11. On the back of the book it should have a giant black and white photo of your face so that they know it's coming from you.
12.Wear pants. The seats on the train don't get washed as often as you might think. Unless you think never, then they get washed exactly that often.
13.See if you can touch people's butts when they walk by you.
14.Back of the hand doesn't count.
15. If anybody starts staring at you and they look scary, start cleaning your nails with a knife.
16.Are they still looking at you? Clean your nails with a taser.
17.Please keep your hands and arms inside the train at all times.
18. If you're going to third street you should visit Puzzle Zoo. They have toys.
19.I like toys.
20.I also like presents.
21.I'm also leaving in like two weeks forever.
22.*ahem.
23.This helpful advice was provided to you completely free of charge.
24.Wasn't that nice of me?
Labels: freeway, fun
