i do not know how to ass something

ok so years and years ago, when my sister michelle and i were kids, we had a game for our apple II called mystery house. it was one of those games where it's all basically text, you type in what you want to do, like "go door" and "open cabinet" and "look cabinet", you get the idea. but this one had awesomely cheezy 80s computer line drawings to go with it. the whole premise is you're stuck in this house with your friends and as you go through the house you keep finding your friends' dead bodies. but it's cheezy 80s computer line drawings, remember, so really all you see is a stick person with x's on the eyes, which i LOVE.

SO - my point is, when my sister and i got frustrated with the game and couldn't figure out what direction to give the computer next, we would start typing cuss words. because when you're 7 there's nothing funnier than swears. which is still mostly true today. because when you put in a word the game didn't understand, you always got the same robotic answer "i don't know how to shit something".

AND - fast forward to today, when i googled it and saw screenshots and was filled with so much happy nostalgia for this stupid effing game. i told jenn about it, and this girl is so awesome she found a website for me to go download it so i could play it tonight. which is what i did. and it's just as frustrating 20something years later, but i love it oh so much. my favorite is when it gets dark and you don't light a candle in time and the screen just goes black. you basically have to quit out and start over. unless there's a trick i don't know about. anyways, i now share that link with you. i hope you love it as much as i do!



also, josh and i went to ikea tonight and dined like kings in the cafeteria. and we ordered a bunch of different things because we sure do like to eat. and two of those things were the kids macaroni meal and the kids swedish meatball meal. the lady behind the counter asks "where is the child?" and josh doesn't miss a beat, he gestures towards the dining area and says "oh he's sitting at the table".

number one i didn't think anyone actually CARED whether or not it was a child eating the childs meal. and number two, do you think it's bad to lie to the chick behind the counter just so you can have some damn mac n cheese?

and josh and i both have had mac n cheese like 3 times this week. i don't know what's up with this kick but it's deeeeelishous.

AND! don't forget, if you're in the long beach area tomorrow (9/1), come visit the hearts and laserbeams table at viento y agua coffee house's handmade revolution craft and music festival! that was an extremely long sentence! tell em large marge sent ya!

If your house is egged many times at once is that one egging or 4? All i know is im gonna swear up a storm cleaning it up.

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Kneaded eraser rhinos are very dangerous

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Happy monday! Kneaded erasers are awesome!

someone's been a busy little bee!

today was the horsin' around craft fair, and number one i loved that it was at a stable. josh and i got outta the car this morning, and it was like we were transported to some fantastic farm somewhere - there were chickens running around everywhere, an awesome cattle dog like jimmy just hangin' out with his owner makin' the rounds, horses as far as the eye could see, and a humongous boss hog layin' there in the dirt trying to get josh to pet it. or rather, josh really wanted to go over and pet it. but he didn't just in case the pig wasn't friendly and raised a ruckus about being disturbed.

am i weird for liking horse smell? josh says "you know that smell is horse poop, right?"

so...

am i weird for liking horse poop smell?

i just read that line again and gross.

so! this was a pretty slow day, customer-wise. meaning! ALL KINDS OF NEW GOODIES FOR YOU! check out the new plate designs, the reversible horse bags and the 2 remaining merbots watercolors!





also, long beach craft mafia meeting tuesday night! visit the website or email me to find out more!

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Come to the horsin around fair today! Theres horses and dogs and pigs and its amazing!

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When hes an old woman he shall wear purple

crazy astronaut in the news again!

apparently our friend lisa novak, the crazy astronaut who drove 900 miles in a space diaper to confront her boyfriend's other girlfriend is in court for her shenanigans! let's celebrate by marking down the original drawing of my space valentines! marked down from $35 to $20! such a bargain!

this ink drawing comes in a cello envelope with a backing board and is ready to frame! click the pic to buy!



thanks for lookin!

imagonna get introspective by the fire

folks, life is a lot like tetris.

sometimes you get bogged down by so much stuff, like it is completely overwhelming how messy life can get. but, like when you screw up a ton on tetris and blocks keep getting closer and closer to the top of the screen, if you keep plugging away at working with whatcha got, things calm down again.

that's my philosophical thought for the day.

that and, you should probably come to the horsin' around arts and crafts fair on sunday and buy one of the new tote bags i'm sewing! they're gonna be hella cute! AND REVERSIBLE! no lie!

also, my new plates just came in and they're not going up on the internets until after the show sunday, so if you want first crack at em you bessss show up! see ya then!

oh and by the way, superbad is the most superawesomest movie EVER.

join the long beach craft mafia!

folks, if you live in the long beach area and have an artsy-fartsy-crafty-whatever DIY style business that you'd like to see grow, joining long beach craft mafia may be just the thing for you - our next meeting is tuesday august 28 at viento y agua coffeehouse on fourth street, and here's what gal-about-town rachel hammond has to say about becoming a member:

Hi everyone;

Get the word out. La familia is accepting membership at this time :) To find out more,
check out www.longbeachcraftmafia.com and www.myspace.com/lbcraftmafia.

HERE'S HOW TO JOIN US -

1) Submit your 415 x 70 pixel banner to sparkledarkko@yahoo.com (I will forward to steph
once payment is received and she will add it to our website).

2) Submit your $35 annual dues by NO LATER THAN September 1st. Payment may be
made via:

CHECK OR MONEY ORDER - mail to:

Rachael Hammond
1628 E 1st Street #5
Long Beach, CA 90802
(make check payable to: Rachael Hammond)

CREDIT CARD VIA PAYPAL - to:

sparkledarkko@yahoo.com
If you are going to pay via PayPal, then we must defer the 3% paypal charge to you, so you
must send payment for $36.10 if you choose this method.

CASH - in person:

Contact me at sparkledarkko@yahoo.com or come to our next Long Beach Craft Mafia
meeting on Tuesday August 28th at 7pm at Viento Y Agua Coffeehouse - 4007 E 4th
Street, Long Beach, CA 90814.

3) Send your contact information to sparkledarkko@yahoo.com, including:

- your name, address, phone, email address, etc.
- your business name, address, etc. if different
- your website address, myspace address for the business, etsy site, etc.

Thank you for your interest in the Long Beach Craft Mafia. We look forward to working
with you and meeting you in person soon!

Kind regards,
Rachael Hammond
SPARKLEdarkko
sparkledarkko@yahoo.com
www.myspace.com/lbcraftmafia
www.longbeachcraftmafia.com

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Omg what an awesome show! Seriously if you get a chance to see junior senior live do it! Itll be the most fun youll ever have at a concert!

Note to sele gravy train is rad

come on down and see me sometime!

i just updated the calendar of upcoming arts and crafts shows and HOLY CRAP september's gonna be a busy month! you should try and come out to one of these and pick up some new never-before seen stuff!

at the horsin' around craft fair i'll be debuting hearts and laserbeams-sewn reversible tote bags in a lovely horsey theme!

sometime soon after that show (hopefully for little monster market!) new designs will be available in the melamine plates and lemme just say they're deeeeelicious!

i'll be peddlin my wares inland for the first time ever at montclair's punk rock at the drive in on september 15th, if you're into punk rock or drive ins you should come on out!

aaaaaaaaaaand what else. IT'S JUNIOR SENIOR DAY! the other steph and i are venturing out to hollywood tonight to see the junior senior show at the roxy and i can't wait!

also, it's really effing hot out. i can't wait for winter. i got a new jacket and everything!

one more thing: poop!

peace out!

if i was a rich girl...

i would totally get one of these, and quite a lot of other stuff from the same website.

things to do in denver when you're dead:

number one: lay there

number two: decompose

number three: get good and smelly

number four: i bet there's lots of time for soduko

shannon elizabeth stinks!!!

ok lemme just say shannon elizabeth better watch her back cuz if i see her we're gonna have words!

on my way home from work i usually listen to ye olde am radio, one of the news stations to kinda get caught up from never really watching the news on tv. the other night when i turned my car on the reporter was interviewing shannon elizabeth about a movie she filmed that's coming out soon. at the end of the conversation something comes up about the premiere, and how since it's a love story set in vegas the people putting on the premiere wanted to bring couples out to las vegas for a few days for free, and that the first 50 callers get to do this.

i'm dialing so fast smoke's comin from the phone, and pow! i was one of the first callers. they tell me the lines are jammed, but that they'll take my info and call me or josh back in like 20 minutes.

four days later they finally call josh and start getting all our information. then he got busy with something at work and asked em to call me to finish setting us up for this 4 day giveaway.

so a few hours later, they call me. and put me on hold for 30 minutes. and then when they came back on the line, they were trying to sell us timeshares. so i hung up on them mid-sentence. and they called back twice in the next 30 seconds. ol' gil's gotta make a sale!

booooooo to shannon elizabeth for tricking me into almost getting hornswaggled!!! nuts to you, squirrel!!!

i'm back for reals this time!

hey there!

just got a painting back from a show in england, it's now available for sale on the site!

this framed painting is $75 including shipping in the u.s. - if that's a little to outta your price range, how about the unframed print for $17 including shipping?

still too much? what do you want from me!?!?!

okay, how about a set of two 1" buttons for $3 including shipping?

thanks for lookin! enjoy the rest of your weekend, and be sure to visit hearts and laserbeams at long beach's second saturday on august 11! at the corner of linden and broadway, from 4pm - 10pm!

also, i haven't blogged in ages and i stink because of it! or, more likely, i stink because i don't bathe or use deodorant! so here's what's been going on lately...

josh's mom came to town and we had a blasty while she was here! checked out felt club, which was insanely busy, went to the fashion district in l.a. and found some great fabric for bags that i'll be making soon, had lots of good eats and wine!

the mermaid show reception was awesome, and two of my merbot watercolors sold! if you hit up cactus gallery before friday you can pick up one of the other two, and really, why wouldn't you? come one! they're merbots!

uh... what else... i turned 30 and it was rad! had some fancy dinner at long beach's sky room with josh and lemme tell you, i've never had fancy dinner before but WOW. it was one of the best meals i've ever had. so effing delicious it made me cry. aaaaaaaaaand after dinner we met up with my bro and his girlfriend jackie and some friends from work for karaoke shenanigans, and it was a blasssst!

went to an audition for fox tv's don't forget the lyrics and ended up walking out - they give you a written test, which i passed, and then i sat there. and sat there. and sat there. and sat there. and decided it was b.s. that i made an appt for a 10am audition and was still sitting there waiting at 11am. since we were headed outta town that day i told them i was going to go to the bathroom and drove home instead.

this last monday, we drove down to san diego to see josh's aunt, uncle and cousins who were visiting for the weekend - we walked around coronado island for a while and went to the u.s.s. midway, which was totally sweet! we didn't have much time to walk around it, but we're gonna go back for an in-depth look-see sometime soon!

aaaaaaaand i think that brings me pretty much up to date? sort of? i've been a terrible blogger lately.

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I always heard chianti was a nice mac n cheese wine...

Its been way too long since i blogged! Updates soon i swear!