some worthy phrases to work into your everyday vocab:

"the devil lives in a trailer park in cypress"

"fists of cash"

"fisted with cash"

"flying fists of cash"

"my nose smells clean"

"i'm not a baby"

"nobody puts baby in the corner"

"fuck working"

"i'm so witty"

"no you're not"

"shut up yes i am"

"no, i said the $500 crackrock, not the cheapo $250 crap"

"every good cook deserves a copper pot"

"steph, i smell like a big butt"

one of life's great mysteries: what the hell lies behind the door of c'est si bon? i've been driving by that place since before i started high school, and was just kinda drawn to it cuz i never saw anyone going in or out and it just kinda looked spooky in a way...

i dragged ann with me to investigate tonight, and now we can all rest easy. we went in armed with plan a's, b's and c's, contingency plans if we were taken to a secret room where we'd be tortured for information on the sales taking place at the art supply warehouse next door, and a couple of bucks for beer, and it was almost disappointing that all we found past the heavy door and dark-tinted windows was a dive bar.

nothin but a shitty dive bar. so now you know, and knowing is half the battle.

also, joe told me tonight that he read in the paper how the travesty that is the hollister store is continuing their california invasion with 24-hour live cameras aimed at the huntington beach pier. the video from these cameras apparently will be played in all the stores across the country. jenn and i have already decided that we will be coordinating times for her to be in the store and me to be at the pier making an ass out of myself, and i invite the rest of you to do the same. it'll be tons of fun for everyone!

why is it that i am soooo completely annoyed by people who clap at the end of movies? seriously. it makes me want to shoot people, and i don't even own a gun.

people clapping at the end of movies makes me want to go up to those very people, introduce myself and make friends with them enough for me to get their names and what city they live in, then proceed to the local gunnery and purchase a gun, wait the 10 days or whatever, pick up the purchase along with some hollow-point bullets, look up the people i introduced myself to a week and a half ago, and start shootin' away.

it annoys me that much.

i've got a new apartment! cha cha cha! i'm off to pay the deposit right now, and i move in within the next two weeks! hot hot hot!

and i just got the most kickass piece of art from jenn for my bday, which will grace the walls of my new swingin pad in the House for Girls that Like to Do it. voolay voo cooshay avek mwah!!! cest swah!!!

stay tuned for a full report on the bar c'est si bon, which ann and i (and maybe chris) will be visiting for the first time ever tomorrow night. it'll either be really good or really bad. i kinda hope it's both!

bahahahahha and this is the best bday card ever. ever!!!

.

i feel weird about writing about this weekends ups and downs, so i'm not going to. ask me about it later if you'd like. i will share this slightly amusing anecdote (okay, it's not that amusing. maybe just interesting? mildly? did you just call me fat?) that happened at the reception saturday afternoon...

she really didn't talk much when other people were at the table with us, but when we were alone, she totally reminded me of someone i knew not too long ago - very "i'm checking you out for my friend"ish. but too the point where you knew it was a front, that she was insecure and maybe uncomfortable about sitting with me?

she asks if i work at the same place as him. "no, i'm an artist," i tell her. we talk about what i do for a little while, and then i ask if she works with the boy.

"no, we went out for three years, and we're really good friends," she says.

and i had no idea how to answer that... i mean, i don't care about him having girl friends, i don't care about him being friends with exes, but the way she said it, like within 45 seconds of being alone with me, was so very "i was here first and maybe i still have dibs or some highschool crap like that so back off".

she seemed nice enough, though, and we kept chatting. and about 45 seconds later she's asking about where we met and such,  then in an almost condescending tone, she says "so you're kind of dating?" and i answer with "yes. we're dating." thinking to myself "there's no kind of about it, jerkface". and then a couple of sentences later when i mention that he's a good guy she's all "yes he is, i dated a good guy."

we didn't hang out together too much longer, she had to go to some concert or something, who the hell cares. nikki walks up after she sees her leave and is all "um, chris and i saw you guys talking... do you know who that was?" and i'm all "uh yeah, she informed me about 30 seconds after we were alone." and nikki just kind of laughs.

it was just weird, because the whole time, i was like "whutever, you're kinda lame" and not "oh holy crap is she still into him". is it possible that i'm calming down some? dear lord i hope so. 

oh and happy birthday to myself, cuz i rock the casbah like no one else and i outrank ron perlman!!! he can suck it! 

i'm a bit tripped out that the first batman movie's already 15 years old... it seems like just yesterday that bernadette and i were obsessively trying to figure out what the hell michael keaton had stuffed down there in his pants. the list included a five pound sack of potatoes, thirty pillows, and five african elephants if i recall...
 
kind of one of those days where there's good shit and bad shit... the bad shit is sad shit; i'm going to a funeral on saturday.
 
i feel weirdish following that with the good news, which is i may have an apartment in the next couple of weeks. but there you go. good shit and bad shit today, and mixed feelings about all.
 
i've only been to two funerals in my lifetime so far, and both were ones where i didn't really know the deceased at all. i feel extremely awkward, like i should be better at talking to people who have lost someone close to them.
 
i think too, too much.

gross, gross, gross, vomit, ew.
 
went to the grocery store with michelle today and left with some butter and some of these, because i'd never had em and michelle insisted that i try.
 
yes, the sardine really tastes like sardine. yes, it's really fucking sick. it was the worst one. right up there with black pepper.
 
my favorite is how we were each eating a booger one, and michelle's all "this one really doesn't taste like boogers..."
 
we figure it'd be awesome if it didn't taste like it on purpose, tricking people into saying "hey, this really doesn't taste like boogers," so everyone else yells with glee, "YOU EAT BOOGERS YOU KNOW WHAT THEY TASTE LIKE!!!"

and now a word from our sponsor (that'd be my nephew):
 
jjdjdhsdudldfkejehefkgjojojlljhhhhhhhfldgslhfgkjkjk
 
also, at&t sucks with telling you what's what on your account. apparently the problem with going over on the minutes was happening because my cheapo plan in wisconsin had unlimited nights and weekends, and that same cheapo plan in cali doesn't. but they didn't tell me that when i switched over. so i just kept calling people all the time like a chump.
 
and like a chump, those people just kept answering the phone.
 
but all's well now, i've got about 5 kajillion minutes a month now with unlimited nights and weekends and so now i will talk on the phone just about 24/7 and still have minutes to spare. love it.
 
swimfan has logged off!!!

marathon ebay-er, that's me and michelle in a nutshell. we just spent like 3 hours poring over page after page of vintage dresses and old toys that we used to have, and then some stewardess dresses and flight bags...
 
there was an andy warhol dress on there that sold for $750 and that blows my mind. i don't even know what seven hundred and fifty dollars looks like, you know what i'm sayin? i did bid on a supercool 40s waitress/nurse dress that was in really good condition and michelle got a bunch of cool crap...
 
also on the agenda for today is changing my cell phone calling plan, because this is the second month in a row that i've had to pay like 3 times the normal amount for going over my minutes.
 
and i'm probably also going to eat some lunch and maybe hang out with a cute boy in the near future, stay tuned for details on this gripping story as it develops.
 
also of note... on this new-fangled mess with the text blogger technology you can do entire posts in webdings. observe: jenn is a tramp and has had tony danza's love child!!!
 
remember kiddies, just because you can doesn't mean you should.

i don't know if i like this new-fangled, mess with the text technology.
 
call me old-fashioned.
 
or call me a jerk.
 
or just call me, call me anytime... i'd write more but you and i both know i don't know the lyrics to any songs so i'd probably just mess it up. i'm gonna quit while i'm ahead.
 
i got to do some actual art stuff at work today, it was pretty hot. first i drew those three lines on mickey mouse's glove cuz someone'd left it off accidentally and that just won't do, then i got to do a quick piece together stuff into a tshirt graphic type deal, and then i got to suggest an alternate location for a logo placement.
 
not superexciting stuff, you understand, but it shakes things up and that is muy bueno.
 
also, i'm blogging with an audrey-hepburn-style cigarette holder in my mouth because that's what the classy ladies do. best 4 bucks i ever spent.
 
 

wait, no, seriously, where'd the last four days go?

thngs have been funtimeshectic. much too busy to go back and fix that typo, and certainly not enough time to type the damn capital letters, so stop asking!!! blarrrrgh!

i started looking for apartments in the lbc, i told y'all about that already. it's really, really annoying when apt. managers make the place sound all nice and promising and you get there and it's a trash hole in a bad part o town and you gotta just speed by, squealing your tires so they know just what you think of the joint... but it's all good, there's no deadline i gotta move out by so i can kinda hold out for something that has everything - the ideal would be close-ish to the freeway, cool old building, big fat windows or at least small windows that get tons of light in em, god knows i'd kill for a murphy bed and maybe i can find a place that has a monkey butler that comes with it? or maybe a chef? and a personal trainer? and i want all this for 6-7hunnerd bucks! make it happen already!

in other news, saw anchorman last night and it was pretty great. got to bed way too late last night so rather than regale you with stories of my most recent rape-and-pillaging-rampages, i'm just gonna go to bed instead. you know how it is, right? tony danza will pay!!!

oh and fifty points to chris b. for remembering the name of the high school the sewing class was at. and the name was estancia. which ann swears she said, but i was too busy thinking about how fuckin cool it'd be to go to escargot high or even esperanto high. because isn't that some crazy star trek language? i never saw a full episode of star trek. and i really don't think i'm about to start anytime soon. the end!

damn i talk a lot. this here is post number 601. what a blabbermouth.

i'm currently having a closet crisis - you know, where you gotta go somewhere and you wanna wear something cool but everything you own sucks and you want to drag it all out back and burn the crap outta it and start from scratch.

or you just wanna fly out to savannah and steal jenn's shit. you know, whatever.

oldskool girl scout shirt to the rescue! even though i still currently hate all my stuff, including said girl scout shirt...

this just in to our news desk.

the travesty that is the hollister store will be infiltrating the block at orange sometime soon. tune in at 11 when assimilation will be complete and i will be wearing a 3" long skirt.

crazy dreams abound lately...

two nights ago i dreamt that i lost one of my teeth kevin bacon stir of echoes style - like a piece of one of my molars kinda splintered apart from the rest of the tooth, and i could just pull that piece off and it didn't hurt or anything. it'd be interesting to know what the hell else was going on in the dream. alas, my brain was concentrating too much on all the gory details of my tooth.

last night i dreamt i had a new apartment, but it was in nyc and my landlords lived right next door, and they could come and go in my place whenever they wanted because all that separated our places was one of those hotel-style doors, and it didn't have a lock on it. later on in the dream i went rollerskating (wearing oldskool roller rink rental skates) down the street and almost died because there was so much traffic and i am such a klutzy ass.

i can't wait to go to bed in a few and come up with some more crackedup shit.

also, what's the name of that high school that michelle and i had our sewing class at a few years back? the name escapes me, except i think it started with an "e", and it's kinda close to the oc fairgrounds.

speaking of, the oc fair's in town and apparently it's either 10 dollars or 10 carrots to get into the carrottop show. i say bring ten carrots and use them to stab the guy's eyes out.

dear sir with the apartment listing in the lbc:

if you don't ever call me back to set up a time to let me come see the place with the murphy bed, i will die.

sincerely,
steph gogoblatz, md.